Living With The Fool

“Ask a sage, he will explain. Ask a fool, he will complain.” ― Toba Beta

I have been on a self-imposed respite taking time to relax a bit from the rigors of work and life in general. My wife an I took a trip together and it was very good to revitalize my thoughts and concerns on many fronts.

There has been the presidential election, a multitude of work related activities and the normal, crazy family home-life that goes with having a number of children and grand-children. So off we went on our first ship cruise.

In the course of our travel, we came to port in a couple of destinations which have your typical merchants who are looking to part you with your money. It is capitalism at both its best and worst on display.

There are the standard tourist shops where trinkets next door to upscale fashion shops, each plying their wares to visitors on vacation. Most items are no better in quality or price then could be found at home.

But we purchase as proof we were there.

We also encountered the hucksters, peddling their fake or cheap goods trying to bargain for a price well above the value of those items. They do so in order to capture the unsuspecting buyer trying to garner a great deal.

For the majority of those voting with their dollars, they walked away from these hustlers who were acting the fool. Each person who walked away could see through the true intent of the carnival on display.

The remaining buyers were looking for something different and hearing of the promise that a great deal lay in front of them. So they bought, they paid, they listened to the fool and made their way home with the take.

But they learned they were the fool.

So much can be written about how a hawker with a good story accomplishes his task. In the end, he can go about his way with fresh new money firmly in his grasp. The buyer sits wondering why they bought the story, penniless in pride.

All of us can learn a lesson from the fool dancing his perceived value, his supposed story, his talk of greatness.

But we must also remind ourselves that if we have bought it, we must live with it and the consequences of having done so.

Stay inspired my friends!

Sound Familiar?

“I would rather be a little nobody, then to be a evil somebody.”
― Abraham Lincoln

We have seen it as children and probably experienced. In fact, maybe we were once this type of person in our childhood yet managed to learn and grow out of it. And then there are those who continue to bully well into their own adulthood.

The definition of a bully is a blustering browbeating person; especially, one habitually cruel to others who are weaker.

Those who are bullies in childhood often continue to be bullies as adults. And many times the victims of adult bullying find little or no sympathy from others. After all they will say, we are grown now and should let any little or silly things such as bullying bother us.

But it happens.

What are the marks of a child who bullies others;

- Have witnessed physical or verbal violence at home as a means to get what they want.
- Hit or push other children their means to get what they want.
- Often physically strong, so they use physicality to get what they want.
- May or may not be popular with other children around their same age.
- Have trouble following rules and believe rules do not apply to them.
- Show little concern for the feelings of others.

And as they grow into adulthood, what are the marks of an adult bully;

- Are prone to physical or verbal violence at home as a means to get what they want.
- Hit or push other people when they are unable to get what they want.
- Often physically strong, so they use physicality to get what they want.
- May or may not be popular with other adults around their same age.
- Have trouble following rules and believe rules do not apply to them.
- Show little concern for the feelings of others.

Sound familiar?

There are additional habits that adult bullies tend to exhibit as well. These include political backstabbing, socially undermining someone, publicly belittling others, and ostracism. While the stereotype is that bullies tend to be bosses, there is a reason for it.

People tend to bully because they have power and when we think of power, we think of bosses and their charge over subordinates. But power comes in different forms. Some have more power over peers, either due to a dominant personality or aggressiveness. Others might have a higher social status which gives them more social power.

In its simplest form, bullying means being deliberately cruel to another person or group, for any reason. And while bullying is easy to spot in children, adult bullies are sly, subtle and difficult to expose. The older one gets, the more years of practice.

Some have learned to be very cunning while others hide behind masks of authority, superior knowledge, money or other types of power. Many are very good at finding plausible excuses to justify their cruelty or deflecting criticism of their behavior when called out on it. And in many cases, bullies think highly of themselves.

Bullies like being looked up to and often expect everyone to behave according to their wishes. They like having people parade to their doorstep or whim with all of the pomp and circumstance so others can watch. In childhood, kids who bully were many times not taught to think about how their actions affect other people. So putting others on public display is a thing bullies enjoy and it empower them even though it can have a devastating effect on others.

All bullies have one thing in common: they want to hurt someone.

What can someone do to stop from being bullied? When someone is bullying you, it is unlikely that there is anything you can say or do to make the bully feel differently. The best strategy is to change how you respond to the bullying behavior. In many instances, bullying cannot continue to have its desired effect if the intended victim successfully stands up to the bully.

Once you have identified a bully and know what kind of behavior to expect from this person, you must choose not to be a victim. Expose the bullying for what it is; take a stand, and don’t back down.

- Tell someone you trust and tell them what has been happening to you.
- Name names and give details; make your situation very clear.

This may require a bit of courage, but you can find it.

- Arrange for a witness to the bullying by asking someone you trust to watch or listen when the bullying takes place.
- Confront the bully which you can do yourself if you feel able or have a someone you trust there to support you.

The point here is to expose the bully and call him or her to account.

What you do not want to do is;

- Get into a fight; avoid physical confrontation because someone will get hurt or possibly go to jail. It also is very likely that nothing will be resolved.
- Return the abuse; becoming a bully yourself is a dangerous pit to fall into when you are hurt and angry so resist the temptation to lower yourself to the level of your abuser.
- Acting out in frustration; do not fall into the trap where you have a mean boss, who humiliated you so you went home and shouted at the wife, who slapped the oldest son, who punched his little sister, who pulled then pulled the dog’s tail, who ran down out the door and bit the postman.

Cruelty spreads like a contagious disease and quickly becomes epidemic in nature; so wash your hands of it!

I know life is not easy and we will always have varying degrees of hate. But when we encounter it, when we see it, and when we are impacted by it, we can choose to do the right thing.

Stay inspired my friends!

The Dead Cat

“The eye is diverted from the real business, it is caught by the spectacular action that means nothing--nothing at all.” ― Agatha Christie

In politics there is what many call a "Dead Cat" strategy. In its simplest form, this strategy is a diversionary tactic most commonly used in politics. When things are not going your way or the news is bad for you, throw a dead cat on the table which will divert attention from something damaging to you by giving people something more dramatic or shocking to talk about.

In use and metaphorically speaking (there is not a real dead cat on the table), please will shout "Hey, there’s a dead cat on the table!" People will then be talking about the dead cat, the thing you want them to talk about, and they will not be talking about the issue which has been causing you so much grief.

If you can make a comment or stir something so shocking that it shifts the entire focus of discussion to something else. What you did not want to talk about will no longer be talked about. How can anyone not talk about the dead cat? They have to because it is so outlandish and eye catching.

Very powerful in shifting and gaining media attention.

We have seen plenty of this during our most recent election process and it continues post-election as well. By nature we humans are curious to the wild and shocking noise which permeates our social and news media outlets. My father always said, the squeaky wheel gets the grease and that is very true.

By simply focusing on the squeaky wheel, are we forgetting to pay attention to the other three wheels? The air leaking quietly from one tire or the wear of the tread on another which are equally important. Do we do it to fool ourselves into thinking everything is okay in our lives?

Do we throw dead cats to deceive ourselves?

How many times have we allowed ourselves to be diverted by the bright and shiny things. You want to that new job which promises great sums of money but are unwilling to admit that you do not put in the effort in your current job to advance. It could be a relationship in which you want the handsome attentive man or the attractive fawning woman but fail to measure your own self.

The promises made to us and by us are the dead cats thrown in front of us. They distract us from what is really going on in our life. It could be politics, relationships, our money, job and even our religious beliefs. We deceive and are deceived by the diversions created.

How do we remove the dead cat?

The first thing is to realize that the dead cat is on the table and to ask why was it thrown out there in the first place. We must always question why the topic changed. Is it in order to focus us on something more important or keep us from discussing what truly is important.

Secondly, we must hold ourselves and others to task in understanding and resolving what really matters. The dead cat is not the important thing here, it is a ploy to keep us from holding ourselves or others accountable. We should not allow the diversion to hold our attention.

The last thing is to call it what it is, a diversion of the truth either in social media or the news. Call people out on it and bring the attention back to the important things. Call yourself out on it for only we can allow ourselves to be deceived by the dead cat on the table.

Stay inspired my friends!

The Ass in the Lion's Skin

“Oh, what a tangled web we weave...when first we practice to deceive.”
― Walter Scott

From Aesop ... a story.

An Ass once found a Lion's skin which the hunters had left out in the sun to dry. He put it on and went towards his native village. All fled at his approach, both men and animals, and he was a proud Ass that day. In his delight he lifted up his voice and brayed, but then every one knew him, and his owner came up and gave him a sound cudgeling for the fright he had caused. And shortly afterwards a Fox came up to him and said: "Ah, I knew you by your voice."

Aesop's moral - Fine clothes may disguise, but silly words will disclose a fool.

Stay inspired my friends!