You Can Pretend

"Walking with a friend in the dark is better than walking alone in the light." -Helen Keller

Simply put, you can put yourself alone out on the edge of a cliff and wait. You can sit there hoping that the world will fill in before you. It is a very lonely existence to be there on your own, no connections, and no one to keep you from falling over the edge.

It is connection to others which is a key thing here. The Merriam-Webster dictionary defines connection as, "the act of connecting, the state of being connected, as a casual or logical relation or sequence (the connection between two ideas); a person connected with another especially by marriage, kinship, or common interest."

So it takes two or more people for this connection to occur. To stand out on a ledge and hope someone will grab hold will require a connection. To have a friendship with anyone or anything will require a connection. To live your best life will require a connection.

But how do connections become established? Do they just happen? Do they magically appear between two people?

No, connection requires at the very least one person making an effort to connect. The other person needs to respond and reciprocate to complete this joining of two people. The problem is that many times neither side is willing to put their hand out first.

Standing on the edge of being alone, you have to turn and face away from that edge. You have to be willing to look to where others are standing. We know from the laws of physics that people are not floating out in mid-air. So we have to turn and reach out to where others are.

Those of us standing back away from that edge have to be responsible for making the connection also. We can tell ourselves "no way, that person is much too close to the edge. I'm not going out there." But as Dr. Gordon Moore has said, "You can pretend to care but you can't pretend to show up." Going out to that ledge to connect with someone whom is paralyzed by the edge is just as important.

All of us can use connection in our life. Whether it be with one person or many, it helps us live a great life. It brings meaning and purpose in to our daily existence.

You can be lonely and pretend not to want anyone else in your life. But down deep it is connection that we all desire.

You can pretend to care about those living out on the edge. But until you reach out and make the connection, it is just words.

Connect with someone today, be it the first time or the one hundreth time.

Crayon Life

"Your attitude is like a box of crayons that color your world. Constantly color your picture gray, and your picture will always be bleak. Try adding some bright colors to the picture by including humor, and your picture begins to lighten up." ~Allen Klein

All it takes is a single cloudy day and the color of life seems to fade away. The greyness of the day simply takes over and it takes over our attitude. It is an odd thing but then the sun comes out and the light reflects wondrous colors.

The sparkling green of the grass or the deep blue of the sky, each does something to us. The red of the roses and the yellow pine pollen seem to jump out and grab hold of us. Colors that we had forgotten about in one day reclaim our attention.

The changing weather is almost like our ever changing lives. The ups and downs of circumstance that enter and exit our world. The dullness of the day replaced by joy and excitement the next. It is an ever shifting pattern that can frustrate you endlessly.

But if you always try to look at the goodness of the grey sky. The rain that follows that dampens the ground. There is something positive to be gained from those times. The rain feeds the ground which nourishes the flowers. The trees draw from it and the cooling shadow of the clouds gives retreat from the warm sun.

These days in our life will and are followed by the shining sun. We do come out of the greyness. We do get to stand again in the warm light of the day. The colors of our world return to fill our life.

Never despair, never give up; never allow the yourself to use only the grey colored crayon. Use all of the colorful crayons you have been given and brighten even the cloudiest day. Color your life with magical wonder to share with those around you.

No More All Fools Day

Foolish Questions #36

"There comes a morning in life when you wake up a new person; that is to say, you wake up the same person but you realize it's your own fault." ~Robert Brault

Here it is the first of April, well known as April Fools Day. Did it come from a copying error of the manuscript for Chaucer's Canterbury Tales in 1392? Did it come from the tale of Londoners being tricked into going to the Tower of London to see the Lions washed in 1698? Or maybe all of us have been fooled over and over these many years into believing it had something to do with anything at all.

Interestingly enough, we do have that ability which allows us to fool ourselves into believing what isn't true. In other words, we can get good at pushing the truth into darkness and living what isn't true. This type of self-deception can be partly explained by what psychologists call "confirmation bias" and also referred to as Morton's Demon.

Morton's Demon was a thought experiment created by the Scottish physicist James Clerk Maxwell. A hypothetical demon sits at the gate of our mind and if and when he sees supportive evidence coming in, he opens the gate. But if he sees contradictory information coming, he closes the gate. In this way, the demon allows us to believe we are right and avoid any of the contradictory information.

Dr. Stephen Diamond writes, "Consider the ordinary example of some heated conflict with a spouse, lover, relative or close friend. How is it that after the fact, each participant can have a completely contradictory version of what happened? Objectively speaking, first A happened, then B occurred, then C was said, D followed, etc. But what if the objective facts or our own behavior don't comport well with how we see ourselves? We distort the facts to support our particular point of view and to sustain our beliefs about the kind of person we are or want to be."

But enough with the medical terminology and explanations. We simply have the ability to fool ourselves. We fool ourselves so much we forget whom we really are at its worst.

Look in the mirror again today and rediscover who you really are. Find the real you inside. Robert Brault also said, "Looking back, you realize that a very special person passed briefly through your life, and that person was you. It is not too late to become that person again."

Do not let that person slip by without getting to know him/her. Know yourself and let the greatness of you come to the surface.

Believe It

"We are what we believe we are." -C. S. Lewis

It can be hard, really hard, to believe in yourself and in the greatness of your life. Life has a pretty nasty way of throwing circumstance and events at you. Just when things seem to be going pretty good, you stumble on a rock or the rain washes away your bridge.

Things happen and holding onto belief can be downright impossible at times. But something is only impossible if that is what you believe in. If you believe you will never succeed, you won't. If you believe you will never achieve what you want in life, you won't.

Try turning that belief into something good for your life. Believe in you and your dreams. Believe that you will get that new job. Believe that you will lose those 20 pounds of weight.

Believe that you can and you will.