Daily Men

"Nothing just happens for you as a husband and a dad; You have to work at it. Live on purpose." -Paul Louis Cole

There was a time in my life when I had it all figured out. I was young, in college, and making great strides personally and educationally. The farm where I grew up was beginning to recede from my life. It was a wide open plain where my dreams and plans were going to unfold in succession.

I met someone, we had a child and those plans began to divert in another direction. But there was no one, parents, friends or family that I would let interfere. For I had it all planned out, a new child, a marriage and need for work would not stand in the way of my plans.

I knew that all I had to do was keep moving forward with my plans. The marriage, the child, the work would all fall in lock step behind me. For my plans were mine and nothing could change that indisputable fact. Being a husband and father would simply happen.

I struggled to keep my plans out in front of the real purpose. Again, I fought to keep my plans out in front what the real purpose was. I denied that my plans were not the real purpose.

Much like the plate spinner one might see on the Ed Sullivan Show from so many years ago, it was a wondrous sight to see all of those plates spinning. If you watched closely, the artist would be running wildly from one end to other.

Some plates would begin to wobble if he paid too much attention to only one or two plates. I paid too much attention to one or two plates, my plans and my job. As you can imagine the other plates began to lack attention and fell, crashing into broken pieces upon the floor. As you try to catch the plates before they fall, your plans will also tip and nothing survives at that point.

We are left then with broken pieces of plates upon the floor. Some may believe it is useless to try. As men, we may try to walk away and leave others to clean up the mess. But as a man, you have purpose in your life and that is to pick up the pieces that matter. You take those pieces and put them back together again.

What you will find in picking up the pieces, the ones that matter, the real purpose is what you have put back together. You will be a better husband and a better father. What you will be is a better man.

TGIF

"We can always choose to perceive things differently. You can focus on what's wrong in your life, or you can focus on what's right." -Marianne Williamson

Today is Friday, the last day of what is normally the work week. I know there are many that have other schedules and rotating days, but traditionally Friday is the end of the work week. The thoughts are beginning to boil up towards a cheer of T.G.I.F.

Everyone is laser focused on the weekend. Not surprisingly Friday was found to be the least productive. Tuesday came in as the most productive work day according to an old survey by Menlo Park-based Accountemps. Then again, someone got paid to conduct a survey to verify what all of us pretty much knew already.

What interests me is the focus we can attain if it is something we really want. Think about it, unlikely is your focus on hoping Monday comes quickly so that you can get back to work. Your focus is on enjoying your family, friends and relaxing through the weekend.

Also think back to when you first fell in love. You had a huge focus on the person of your desires. That lovely person that has such a wonderful smile who lights up the room when they enter. You had such a clear focus on what you wanted in life.

Then life steps in and clouds your vision, makes changes that distract you from all that is important. So we fall into the "9 to 5" mentality and shorten or focus to only Friday and the weekend.

What if we were able to refocus on longer term goals? What if we used that focus to pursue our dreams, our goals and visions? You know it exists out there just beyond the coming weekend.

All you need to do is direct your focus on what is important for your life. Share your focus with others and together we can turn T.G.I.F from "Thank God its Friday" into "Thank God I'm Focusing."

The Worry List

"If you can solve your problem, then what is the need of worrying? If you cannot solve it, then what is the use of worrying?" -Shantideva

Each of us have a list of worries that kept neatly packed away in our mind. The list can tend to be so long that it overshadows our dream list.

We take a cursory look at the dream list but spend countless hours going over and over the worry list. We spend more time concerned with that list then we do actually trying to solve them. If we were to take an honest look, many are not worries at all.

What we would find is that the list is full of excuses. They are stones building up in our mind's wagon. We pull this around allowing it to cause pain and struggle. The weight of it all simply burdens us as we pursue our dreams.

Think of how much faster, how much easier, how much more successful we would be in reaching our dreams without the worry. If we let it go, tore up the list, emptied the wagon of stones; the journey would be so much easier.

At the very least, we would have more focus directed on dreams then on worries. And that is the lesson to be learned. Do not spend all of your time in worry. Spend that time focused on your dreams.

Are You Not Entertained

"Are you not entertained? Are you not entertained? Is this not why you are here?" -The Gladiator

As I write this, the television news and newspaper headlines are filled with the not-guilty verdict in the trial of a girl named Casey Anthony. It sent out a cry of injustice by people of all walks of life. Even celebrities pronounced shock and disbelief; I report this as the media did, which of course sells more newspapers.

All through the trial people hung on every word and confession. They debated and judged every lie, every truth and every heartbreaking moment. We analyzed each piece of 'public' evidence we were allowed to see or hear. The Jurors themselves lived much closer to the evidence, saw more of it, and had the responsibility to act upon it.

And then the Jury spoke, unconvinced that all reasonable doubt had been erased. I won't go into the definition of "reasonable doubt" as its origins are also founded differently according to some as it is applied today. In fact I'm not even here to debate the outcome of Ms. Anthony's guilt or innocence.

I have long believed the justice system our society has chosen is a good one and for the most part pretty fair. Any justice system is one of judgement based upon the local social mores and rules in place. Based upon some of the reactions of people, it is likely in another place and time, this young lady would have been hung without trial by the mob in place.

Yet beyond all of that, were you not entertained? Is that not why you came to watch and listen to the trial? As the crowd rises in a wave around the stadium, did you not participate each time the excitement came around?

We may blame the media, the lawyers or the jurors as we sit in our living rooms judging the outcome. But are we not entertained? We each allow ourselves to become wrapped up in the judgement of others while we fail to judge ourselves. It is much more entertaining to judge others then us. It is much more entertaining to point outward instead of looking inward.

Even this article is judgement of others. I stand accused of doing it as well. The story of Caylee Anthony, yes the name of the young girl who died touched the hearts of many people. And yes, she is why so many people took a huge interest in this trial. But don't be entertained by all of this. Learn from what we know is true and work to educate ourselves and others.

When we see a child in need, when we see a parent, a mother, a father or ourself not caring, work to change people. Do something to make a difference in the lives of others. Help empower others with knowledge and skills to be better parents, to be better people. Be a better person yourself.