Jim O'Connor

"Character is like the foundation of a house - it is below the surface." -Unknown

A man that I know, Jim O'Connor, died a few days ago. An unexpected passing and a sad one at that. Most deaths are sad, which goes unsaid. The emotional toll it takes on loved ones is measurable only to them. But we each know the price of sadness exacted when someone leaves our arms.

I would not be bold enough to call Jim O'Connor a close friend. There are many others that have this true designation. But Jim made me feel that I was a close friend every time we talked. He had that way of letting you know that 'you' mattered in his life.

Each time we stopped to chat, he always quipped about each of our visits to Ireland. We each have ancestry and ties of imagination back to the 'Land of Eire' and the lush green fields. Jim's eyes would light up about his trip and it seemed to push any cares of his day away.

The Jim O'Connor that I got to know was a foundation builder. A man that literally built the foundations of a new church back in 1996. A man that can be felt in the foundations of not only the physical house our church meets in, but also in the warm kindness he spread.

Many people, his family, his church, his business friends and his community feel that foundation shaking today. A man named Charles West said, “We turn to God for help when our foundations are shaking, only to learn that it is God who is shaking them.” But knowing those foundations, those memories, they will hold firm for Jim built them strong and to last forever.

To Jim's wife Kelly and his loving family, I offer an Irish prayer.

May God give you...
For every storm, a rainbow,
For every tear, a smile,
For every care, a promise,
And a blessing in each trial.
For every problem life sends,
A faithful friend to share,
For every sigh, a sweet song,
And an answer for each prayer.

And to my friend Jim O'Connor, "May you be flying over that which you love, taking in all that is good of your life. May the wind carry you to a loving God's arms and all your eternity be near the warm hearth of heaven."

Being Judged

“It is well, when judging a friend, to remember that he is judging you with the same godlike and superior impartiality.” -Arnold Bennett

We do it nearly everyday. We either say it out loud or mumble it under our breath. We judge people by the way they look, talk or act. This judgement of others extends to the way they perform, where they live and even the way they believe. Judgement of others is our belief that the other person doesn't live up to our expectations.

There is such a thing as discernment, which means perceiving the way things are, period, no more, no less. Judgment on the other hand is something we add to discernment by making a comparison between how things or people are and how we believe they should be. With judgment there is an element of dissatisfaction. We are dissatisfied with the way things are and have a desire for things to be the way we want them to be.

What judgement does is reflect upon you. It mirrors only what and who you are, both good and bad. Speaking of mirrors, maybe we should look in that reflective way to see how others are judging us. In neither instance does judgement lift both people. Judgement tends to bring both people down and that isn't what you want in life.

Our judgement of others is superficial and does nothing to learn the real story. It could be a medical condition causing weight gain, or maybe finances means it is the only suit and tie that other person has. Judging does nothing to ease their suffering and it certainly doesn't ease yours.

We each have a story that is deeper than the surface. Judgement blocks our ability to know what that story is. What you want, what you need, in life is to lift others and be lifted yourself.

Try to take the rest of your day and try not to judge other people. For just one day see what a difference it can make. Get beyond judging others and get to know them. You may find your life expanding in ways that judgement would have kept you from. Be a greater person, have a greater life.

Life Filled With Love

"Do all things with love." -Og Mandino

If you review many different sources and take an average amongst all of them, the life expectancy of a person living in the world today is 67.2 years. It works out to be 65.0 years for males and 69.5 years for females when you look at statistics for the years 2005–2010. And in all cases, with the exception of Zimbabwe, Lesotho, Swaziland and Afghanistan; women on average live longer than men in all countries. an interesting topic for another time I suppose.

Of course you will find people living longer in some countries and shorter in others depending upon the socio-economic and other conditions present. In example, Japanese have the highest life expectancy of 82.6 years of age, calculated during the years noted above. While estimates for 2011 show that 31.88 years of age is the average life one will likely live if born in Swaziland.

The United States comes in at 36th place with an average life span of 78.3 years of age. All very interesting and numbers that do exist on actuarial tables. We can boil down life to numbers on a chart for insurance purposes and population planning and for many other staid purposes.

What these charts and lists will not tell you is how well you feel about the life you live. They can not dictate the happiness you feel. They can not predict the amount of happiness you spread through out those years. Only you can determine the kind of happiness, cheerfulness and love that will fill those years. It is a choice you make.

Yes, the chore of living can be filled with stress, work and struggling to achieve. But it can also be filled with love and happiness. You get to create a little piece of heaven right here on earth.

The Road Not Taken

"We are never prepared for what we expect." ~James A. Michener

Robert Frost wrote a poem that is sometimes mistakenly called "The Road Less Traveled." It is a well-known poem and one that will make you give pause to think about decisions made in life.

The Road Not Taken

Two roads diverged in a yellow wood,
And sorry I could not travel both
And be one traveler, long I stood
And looked down one as far as I could
To where it bent in the undergroth;

Then took the other, as just as fair,
And having perhaps the better claim
Because it was grassy and wanted wear;
Though as for that the passing there
Had worn them really about the same,

And both that morning equally lay
In leaves no step had trodden black.
Oh, I kept the first for another day!
Yet knowing how way leads on to way,
I doubted if I should ever come back.

I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I—
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference


There are generally two interpretations of this poem. The popular one is where people take the last couple lines literally. They view them as being individualistic, not going with the crowd.

Myself, I prefer to take the poem as an ironic interpretation when reading those lines in the entire context of the poem. It seems to me that the poem is about making decisions in life, and rationalizing the decisions that we make, either with joy or pain.

We move through our lives planning and trying to figure out where our decisions will lead us. And even though we plan, we never seem to be fully prepared for where we end up. So whether we plan to take a road less traveled, the freeway or sit by the side of the road; are you ready to deal with the outcome of your decisions?

My advice is to continue with your plans, make your decisions and reach your destinations. But also be ready to accept the decisions you have made. It is equally important to achieving all that you want in life.