Walk a Mile

Walk A Mile Photograph -Nada Frazier

“Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way when you criticize them, you are a mile away from them and you have their shoes.” -Jack Handey

There I was, driving to the funeral home, thinking about the passing of a friend. Road construction was blocking my right lane, so dutifully set my left turn signal on and began to move into the left lane. Yes, I thought I looked well enough but apparently it startled the gentleman and his wife.

I stopped as did the traffic due to the red light in front of us. Me partially in his lane and he pulled up along my side wildly yelling something at me. So I rolled down my window, as did he, to offer him an apology. Thus began a 60-second lecture on my driving habits, nearly killing his wife, and never taking the time to hear my apology.

His window went back up, the light turned green and traffic began to move again. As Murphy's Law dictates, I followed him for the next mile or so. It did not give me much of a chance to calm my nerves. But after he pulled into a shopping center, I began to think of my friend recently deceased and let the incident roll off my back like water from a duck.

Later that evening during a memorial service I reflected upon the incident among other things. I learned that one thing my departed friend would say is, "don't react, just respond." It seemed appropriate because unknowingly that is what I had tried to do; respond to the situation while the 'offended driver' reacted to the situation.

It reminds me that if we simply stop to consider the journey someone else might be on before 'reacting' maybe we will respond differently to the situation. In my life I have failed to do just that and later realized there was something else, another story to be told.

This particular incident does not excuse me from my poor driving decision. We each get distracted by life, our job, our relationships, our finances, our health and our smart phones. There are reasons for our behaviors and until we consider there might be other reasons, we are reacting in the dark. When we acknowledge the possibility of someone else, we can respond in the light.

It doesn't take literally 'walking a mile in someones shoes' to fully understand the impact of simply responding as opposed to reacting. But you will begin to live a more relaxed and happier life when you take others into consideration.

As for the upset driver, apologies for my abrupt driving as I was distracted. I also apologize because you may have been stressed over going to the mall. A presumption on my part but hey, its possible.

Jim O'Connor

"Character is like the foundation of a house - it is below the surface." -Unknown

A man that I know, Jim O'Connor, died a few days ago. An unexpected passing and a sad one at that. Most deaths are sad, which goes unsaid. The emotional toll it takes on loved ones is measurable only to them. But we each know the price of sadness exacted when someone leaves our arms.

I would not be bold enough to call Jim O'Connor a close friend. There are many others that have this true designation. But Jim made me feel that I was a close friend every time we talked. He had that way of letting you know that 'you' mattered in his life.

Each time we stopped to chat, he always quipped about each of our visits to Ireland. We each have ancestry and ties of imagination back to the 'Land of Eire' and the lush green fields. Jim's eyes would light up about his trip and it seemed to push any cares of his day away.

The Jim O'Connor that I got to know was a foundation builder. A man that literally built the foundations of a new church back in 1996. A man that can be felt in the foundations of not only the physical house our church meets in, but also in the warm kindness he spread.

Many people, his family, his church, his business friends and his community feel that foundation shaking today. A man named Charles West said, “We turn to God for help when our foundations are shaking, only to learn that it is God who is shaking them.” But knowing those foundations, those memories, they will hold firm for Jim built them strong and to last forever.

To Jim's wife Kelly and his loving family, I offer an Irish prayer.

May God give you...
For every storm, a rainbow,
For every tear, a smile,
For every care, a promise,
And a blessing in each trial.
For every problem life sends,
A faithful friend to share,
For every sigh, a sweet song,
And an answer for each prayer.

And to my friend Jim O'Connor, "May you be flying over that which you love, taking in all that is good of your life. May the wind carry you to a loving God's arms and all your eternity be near the warm hearth of heaven."

Being Judged

“It is well, when judging a friend, to remember that he is judging you with the same godlike and superior impartiality.” -Arnold Bennett

We do it nearly everyday. We either say it out loud or mumble it under our breath. We judge people by the way they look, talk or act. This judgement of others extends to the way they perform, where they live and even the way they believe. Judgement of others is our belief that the other person doesn't live up to our expectations.

There is such a thing as discernment, which means perceiving the way things are, period, no more, no less. Judgment on the other hand is something we add to discernment by making a comparison between how things or people are and how we believe they should be. With judgment there is an element of dissatisfaction. We are dissatisfied with the way things are and have a desire for things to be the way we want them to be.

What judgement does is reflect upon you. It mirrors only what and who you are, both good and bad. Speaking of mirrors, maybe we should look in that reflective way to see how others are judging us. In neither instance does judgement lift both people. Judgement tends to bring both people down and that isn't what you want in life.

Our judgement of others is superficial and does nothing to learn the real story. It could be a medical condition causing weight gain, or maybe finances means it is the only suit and tie that other person has. Judging does nothing to ease their suffering and it certainly doesn't ease yours.

We each have a story that is deeper than the surface. Judgement blocks our ability to know what that story is. What you want, what you need, in life is to lift others and be lifted yourself.

Try to take the rest of your day and try not to judge other people. For just one day see what a difference it can make. Get beyond judging others and get to know them. You may find your life expanding in ways that judgement would have kept you from. Be a greater person, have a greater life.

Life Filled With Love

"Do all things with love." -Og Mandino

If you review many different sources and take an average amongst all of them, the life expectancy of a person living in the world today is 67.2 years. It works out to be 65.0 years for males and 69.5 years for females when you look at statistics for the years 2005–2010. And in all cases, with the exception of Zimbabwe, Lesotho, Swaziland and Afghanistan; women on average live longer than men in all countries. an interesting topic for another time I suppose.

Of course you will find people living longer in some countries and shorter in others depending upon the socio-economic and other conditions present. In example, Japanese have the highest life expectancy of 82.6 years of age, calculated during the years noted above. While estimates for 2011 show that 31.88 years of age is the average life one will likely live if born in Swaziland.

The United States comes in at 36th place with an average life span of 78.3 years of age. All very interesting and numbers that do exist on actuarial tables. We can boil down life to numbers on a chart for insurance purposes and population planning and for many other staid purposes.

What these charts and lists will not tell you is how well you feel about the life you live. They can not dictate the happiness you feel. They can not predict the amount of happiness you spread through out those years. Only you can determine the kind of happiness, cheerfulness and love that will fill those years. It is a choice you make.

Yes, the chore of living can be filled with stress, work and struggling to achieve. But it can also be filled with love and happiness. You get to create a little piece of heaven right here on earth.