Your Patience Appreciated

So enjoy some older posts, like this one from November 16, 2010 titled "Waiting for a Tow Truck".

"We all want to help one another. Human beings are like that. We want to live by each other's happiness, not by each other's misery." ~Charlie Chaplin

The other day I was sitting in a restaurant eating dinner with my wife. We were dining on the patio area with big thick glass walls dividing us from the plaza which stretched some distance to the street. The time was rush hour near a particularly busy area of Los Angeles, which sounds odd because I feel every area in Los Angeles is quite busy with traffic.

As the cars filled the lanes to go straight or to turn left, each was trying to simply get home from a long day at work no doubt. Then as circumstance always seems to happen, a car broke down in the turn lane. A ruin to the driver's day and quickly becoming the same to drivers behind him.

With so much traffic on the street, cars quickly piled up behind him wanting to turn left. He was several car lengths from the light, so as those in front would clear, those behind him would vent frustration by honking their horn. Some would find a clear opportunity and move out into oncoming lanes to get around, others would try to squeeze back to the right to get around. But no matter what happened, no one was getting out to help this man.

You could hear the shouts of some, the horns of others and the driving habits of those getting around that the source of their problems for the day were this one man.  Yet twice we saw people stop to offer help. One young lady going so far as to put herself in a bit of a dangerous position with the amount and speed of oncoming traffic.

Yet from what we could tell at a distance is that the man waved off help as he had apparently called for a tow truck. Waiting and waiting was going to be his penance for having car trouble, at rush hour and inconviencing so many other people.  The horns, the gestures and the wait were his to endure.

The tow truck did arrive within the hour and pulled him to safety, freeing up traffic to go about its busy day. And what became of the man we will never know. But it likely ended as you might expect; a tow bill, a car repair bill, late getting home, tired and exhausted.

What of those other people that mocked and ridiculed him with the gestures and honks of displeasure? Did their day really improve by taking it out on this one lone driver? Was this broken down vehicle a planned event to be the reason for a bad day? Did these people acutally end up feeling better? It is unlikely that they did for the broken down vehicle was only a distraction.

What of the few people that did offer to stop and help? I'm betting that their day actually improved. I'm betting that it eased some of the burden in their day. Even those that didn't stop but were mindful and empathetic to the situation; they likely had an easing of their day.

The idea of helping others, in any shape or form is ingrained in our human nature. Some of us repress it as a horrible thing to have. Yet others embrace it and understand the power of helping others. Another person's misfortune is not our gain, but an opportunity to lift yourself while lifting another person. It makes you a better person, it reflects a better side of who you are and other people notice.

Would I be inclined to one day meet one of the irate people that flashed a demeaning gesture? Or would I rather meet the person that stopped to offer help to another person in need?

Think about how you would react in your busy day. Not only stuck in traffic, but in the grocery line, at the bank or even with your children brushing their teeth before bed. Patience, understanding and kindness will take us much further towards a successful life then the alternative.

Be the Difference

"Act as if what you do makes a difference. It does." -William James

My message to you today is what William James says so succinctly. You do make a difference. You can get up, go out into the world and change people's lives for the better. There is no one stopping you from doing this. It starts with you making the decision that all possibility exists. You then start movement in your world to do it.

Very few people have that one huge idea that comes to life and immediately impacts huge numbers of people. What happens is that it starts small, like a seed beginning to germinate. A rose bush can be grown from seed, but it takes time. It takes roughly two years for a rose seed to germinate into a seedling that can be replanted for growth. It takes time to nurture and grow what will be a great thing.

For you, it means starting with the simple gestures of kindness to those you come in contact with. It means being a better person to your family, your friends and to those you do not even know. This develops your character such that it becomes a natural thing that you do. It becomes a part of your everyday behavior.

Your idea starts small, you begin serving meals at the homeless shelter and over time it grows into a community outreach that impacts thousands of lives. Your small thought starts by teaching computer skills to single Moms or single Dads. Teaching them skills that will better their lives and give them the ability to succeed. This idea grows into an organization backed by large corporations wanting to help you change lives.

It starts by writing a blog that inspires people to do great things in life. As you notice, it all begins with one and multiplies to many. Your impact may seem small, but it becomes huge over time.

Be a person of impact, whether it be on one person or a million. You can make all the difference.

Walk a Mile

Walk A Mile Photograph -Nada Frazier

“Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way when you criticize them, you are a mile away from them and you have their shoes.” -Jack Handey

There I was, driving to the funeral home, thinking about the passing of a friend. Road construction was blocking my right lane, so dutifully set my left turn signal on and began to move into the left lane. Yes, I thought I looked well enough but apparently it startled the gentleman and his wife.

I stopped as did the traffic due to the red light in front of us. Me partially in his lane and he pulled up along my side wildly yelling something at me. So I rolled down my window, as did he, to offer him an apology. Thus began a 60-second lecture on my driving habits, nearly killing his wife, and never taking the time to hear my apology.

His window went back up, the light turned green and traffic began to move again. As Murphy's Law dictates, I followed him for the next mile or so. It did not give me much of a chance to calm my nerves. But after he pulled into a shopping center, I began to think of my friend recently deceased and let the incident roll off my back like water from a duck.

Later that evening during a memorial service I reflected upon the incident among other things. I learned that one thing my departed friend would say is, "don't react, just respond." It seemed appropriate because unknowingly that is what I had tried to do; respond to the situation while the 'offended driver' reacted to the situation.

It reminds me that if we simply stop to consider the journey someone else might be on before 'reacting' maybe we will respond differently to the situation. In my life I have failed to do just that and later realized there was something else, another story to be told.

This particular incident does not excuse me from my poor driving decision. We each get distracted by life, our job, our relationships, our finances, our health and our smart phones. There are reasons for our behaviors and until we consider there might be other reasons, we are reacting in the dark. When we acknowledge the possibility of someone else, we can respond in the light.

It doesn't take literally 'walking a mile in someones shoes' to fully understand the impact of simply responding as opposed to reacting. But you will begin to live a more relaxed and happier life when you take others into consideration.

As for the upset driver, apologies for my abrupt driving as I was distracted. I also apologize because you may have been stressed over going to the mall. A presumption on my part but hey, its possible.

Jim O'Connor

"Character is like the foundation of a house - it is below the surface." -Unknown

A man that I know, Jim O'Connor, died a few days ago. An unexpected passing and a sad one at that. Most deaths are sad, which goes unsaid. The emotional toll it takes on loved ones is measurable only to them. But we each know the price of sadness exacted when someone leaves our arms.

I would not be bold enough to call Jim O'Connor a close friend. There are many others that have this true designation. But Jim made me feel that I was a close friend every time we talked. He had that way of letting you know that 'you' mattered in his life.

Each time we stopped to chat, he always quipped about each of our visits to Ireland. We each have ancestry and ties of imagination back to the 'Land of Eire' and the lush green fields. Jim's eyes would light up about his trip and it seemed to push any cares of his day away.

The Jim O'Connor that I got to know was a foundation builder. A man that literally built the foundations of a new church back in 1996. A man that can be felt in the foundations of not only the physical house our church meets in, but also in the warm kindness he spread.

Many people, his family, his church, his business friends and his community feel that foundation shaking today. A man named Charles West said, “We turn to God for help when our foundations are shaking, only to learn that it is God who is shaking them.” But knowing those foundations, those memories, they will hold firm for Jim built them strong and to last forever.

To Jim's wife Kelly and his loving family, I offer an Irish prayer.

May God give you...
For every storm, a rainbow,
For every tear, a smile,
For every care, a promise,
And a blessing in each trial.
For every problem life sends,
A faithful friend to share,
For every sigh, a sweet song,
And an answer for each prayer.

And to my friend Jim O'Connor, "May you be flying over that which you love, taking in all that is good of your life. May the wind carry you to a loving God's arms and all your eternity be near the warm hearth of heaven."