"I long to accomplish a great and noble task, but it is my chief duty to accomplish small tasks as if they were great and noble." ~ Helen Keller
The news headlines grab your attention regarding great new inventions or discovery. It might be the cure for polio developed by Dr. Jonas Salk in 1952. Or maybe you were the guy who came up with the whole E equals mc squared thing. You might even be a philanthropist gifting billions of dollars to help others.
What of other great people in religion, athletics, politics or business that have come and gone? So many people throughout history have had huge individual impact upon this great world. But do you count yourself among the great people of this world?
You should.
Your life may not grab the attention of millions of people around the globe. But the good things you do in life have an impact on others just like the famous headline grabbing people.
Your impact is just as great and meaningful as others.
Never under estimate the small tasks in life for they are the most noble of all those accomplished.
“The danger of venturing into uncharted waters is not nearly as dangerous as staying on shore, waiting for your boat to come in.” ― Charles F. Glassman
There is a movie from 2001 titled Bubble Boy, in which a boy is born with an immune deficiency and his parents keep him in an environmental safe room at home. You find out much later in the story that doctor's had misdiagnosed it but his mother was so overly protective, she led him and others to believe he would die by stepping out of the protection.
So he lives his life in a protective room, immune from all which happens outside his door. The insulated nature of his life fuels within him a desire. His story is that of a person wishing to break free of this protective cocoon of safety.
Life is so much more. There is love of life and people to pursue.
The boy decides to risk his life outside of this room in a more portable bubble he has created for himself. He remained in steadfast belief of his need to be protected. He enters the world outside his room with a shield; a bubble that keeps him separated from others just as the door on his room did.
Stepping out to change yet holding on to his perceived truth.
Each of us do this in life. We pursue dreams but with a view of the certainty of things. Those beliefs we simply hold as truth due to the culture in which we have lived in. Some of those beliefs might be absolutely true while others are misguided acceptance.
I for many years had a misguided thought. In it, I had thought Art Garfunkel, member of a popular singing duo from the 1960s had died. Much to my surprise he was performing in Central Park during a reunited concert.
When I look back, as a very young and inquisitive child, a sibling had told me a story of his death. Most likely to quiet me from asking so many questions about why the duo had split up. But I took this information as truth and believed it fully.
My mind was opened to questioning many other truths in life.
You see the idea is not to question and be suspect of everything. It is not meant to live life with paranoia of events and people.
It means to find out as much as you can about the world around you. To live life by stretching yourself beyond the confines of life lived in a bubble.
The Bubble Boy knew he was faced with giving up his bubble of safety for his real dream; the love of his life. When he stepped out of that bubble he found real truth. His long held belief was not true and he was now free to pursue his dreams.
Sometimes we have to face the reality of what we believe.
Living inside the bubble of what we believe has a limiting effect upon our lives. There may come a time when we have to question our beliefs in order to pursue our dreams or goals. Do not be afraid to test those beliefs and take a step outside of the bubble.
You may find the air is fine and the last wall is broken through to a dream.
"In any moment of decision, the best thing you can do is the right thing, the next best thing is the wrong thing, and the worst thing you can do is nothing." - Theodore Roosevelt
In the late 1930s, Jewish refugees were fleeing a country where persecution and death was almost certain. And during that time, many countries including the United States wanted to deny these people access to a safe place.
Even in the latter half of 1941, as yet to be confirmed news of mass murdering being inflicted by the Nazis, the US Department of State placed even stricter limits on immigration based on national security concerns.
Now many will argue there were no terrorists in the waves of Jewish peoples wanting to escape the horrors being perpetrated upon them. If so, then why deny entry of those persecuted on grounds of national security ... at that point in time.
Fast forward through years of other smaller yet similar mass immigration from the Bosnian conflict to the many de-stabilized African countries. There are political, economic, and religious reasons for many of these conflicts of cause. And now we have a current exodus of Middle Eastern peoples of all faiths who are being persecuted in their journey.
So what is the right thing to do?
Well the gray permeates on both sides of the issue. In fact most debates are never black and white as Facebook posts, Twitter comments and the multitude of blogs (including this one) would have you believe. Social media has taken this into a dimension of absolutes on both sides with very little middle ground.
So the idea of doing what is right remains debated.
Whether it be in daily decisions we make or the big debates of our time, we should all try to do what is right. The absolutes of either side when brought together in the gray mix will yield what is right. There will be plenty of time to sort out the dysfunction which inevitably comes from doing the right thing.
Doing what is right should always be the first thing we do.
The retrospective question in which professors Jeremy Black and Donald MacRaild defined as: "It is, at the very root, the idea of conjecturing on what did not happen, or what might have happened, in order to understand what did happen."
It is when we take a look at our life, history or other incidents and try to determine how things may have been different should something different had occurred at that point in time.
What if Germany had won the war for Europe?
-- Would world events have unfolded as they did?
What if we never embarked on a race to the moon?
-- Would we be probing Mars today with robotic machines?
What if I had decided to attend a different college?
-- Would I have achieved the same great life I have today?
What if, what if, what if could be asked over and over again. It could be used to bemoan the condition we find ourselves in today. We might even be able to find an excuse for not having achieved or possibly attribute to our achievements.
Either way, to question what if is to live in the past of our choices. That would mean we are allowing our past to control our present and our future. We have a tendency to define ourselves and our future self by the past. The choices we made created certain outcomes and we believe the choices create a determined destiny.
The good news is that the present provides us with the ability to create new choices. New choices that can set us on something new, something better. Maybe what we should be doing is asking the "what if" question in the context of where we are here and now.
What if I apply more time to my college studies?
-- Will I achieve better grades and subsequently a better job?
What if I worked harder at my marriage or being a better father?
-- Will I achieve a more solid relationship and happier home?
What if I simply chose to be a better person to others?
-- Will I achieve a more peaceful and happy life?
What if can be a powerful thing to ask oneself. It can change your opportunities, it can change your life.
"Believe and act as if it were impossible to fail." - Charles Kettering
The new year is upon us and I was wondering, what are you believing in during the coming months?
- Are you looking for prosperity?
- Are you looking for renewed health?
- Are you looking for love?
- Are you looking for happiness?
No matter what it is, everything is possible. And you should begin now to tell yourself that yes, all things are possible. It is the belief in oneself where it begins. The ability to say inside, in your mind, in your heart, that you can achieve much more.
Many times we create purposely or inadvertently negative habits. If we fail to achieve something, we blame ourselves and if we do succeed, we tend to put it off to external factors. In doing so, we never establish positive belief in our own ability.
Act as if you can if nothing else.
In a Psychology Today article written by Amy Morin, she clearly indicates, "If you've spent 30 years believing you're a loser, then simply telling yourself, "I'm a winner," isn't likely to be helpful. You can't unlearn deep-rooted core beliefs that easily. Instead, you have to challenge your beliefs by testing them to see if they're really true."
She suggests as others have to use a skill called "acting as if" which can help you break through. In example, if you are not a health conscious person, "act as if" you are and do the things a healthy person does. Act the part of it and watch yourself develop the traits of a healthy person. Soon enough you will no longer be acting but will be the person you want to become.
I am not here to say that you fake being someone else. But act the part of what others who are successful do. This is not the only method as there are many different ways to achieve all sorts of things in life.
Again, it starts with you.
It starts with believing in yourself and moving forward towards it. Little steps, little changes, little moments become bigger the more you keep pursuing your dreams. And I will help you by providing a small bit of encouragement that everyone needs in saying, "I believe in you."
Now that may not seem like much, but all of us need to know someone believes in them. So let me know how you are doing, send me an email, comment. Share your success with others. Above all believe!
"May your walls know joy, may every room hold laughter, and every window open to great possibility." - Mary Anne Radmacher
'Tis the season to be jolly, Fa la la la la, la la la la
There are several different celebrations this time of year. Each of these celebrations present "teachable moments" and many of these happen each year: Bodhi Day, Hanukkah (Jewish), Christmas Day, Kwanzaa, Omisoka, Yule, Day of the Return of the Wandering Goddess, and Winter Solstice.
Yes, there are Christians, Jewish, Atheist, Pagan, Buddhists, Kemetic Orthodoxy, Native Americans, Aboriginals, Neo-Pagans, and Muslims all with a holiday celebration. It might be religious oriented, or the celebrations could be centered on other end of year beliefs. But all are meant to "celebrate" something.
When you think of popular songs this time of year, one I have always enjoyed is "Have Yourself A Merry Little Christmas." It is a song for me which says we should reflect and simply enjoy the moment, our each moment at this time of year. To be joyous and thankful of what we have been given throughout the year.
Joyous and thankful, but ...
If you read the history of this song though, the original lyrics were not quite as joyful in its original writing. Those lyrics were more of a lament of a family moving many miles away to a new job. In example, the original lyrics included the lines:
Faithful friends who were dear to us, Will be near to us no more
Not a very happy way of thinking and Hugh Martin, who had written the song for a 1944 movie titled “Meet Me in St. Louis.” That really is not a very merry way of enjoying your Christmas or celebrated morning. So the lyric was changed to the following.
Faithful friends who were dear to us, Will be near to us once more
And while the song is reflective, is also does not promise that these joys or merriment will be handed to you. What it does say though the holiday is one in which you must simply let it be. Whatever the year has brought to you, whatever you have at this moment, "happy" holidays are something you have to make for yourself. All of this joy and merriment is not simply handed to us.
We have to choose to be joyous.
When we accept our own joy, when we are thankful for what we have, when we let it be ... we release ourselves from the anxiety of trying to make everything perfect. It gives us the ability to be at peace with ourselves and with others. It allows us to celebrate whatever the celebration is. My wish is that you allow yourself to simply enjoy.
What I also wish for everyone is peace, happiness and to "have a merry little Christmas" even if you celebrate something different this time of year.
“The simplest acts of kindness are by far more powerful then a thousand heads bowing in prayer.” ― Mahatma Gandhi
Many people ask, what more can I do that embodies the spirit of the holiday season. We sometimes struggle with the question as we set about searching for the greatest or coolest Christmas gift for our loved ones. The question gets lost in our busy plans of making our Christmas perfect.
The knowledge of others in need lay on the edge of our thoughts, likely to be forgotten in our search for the "spirit" of the season. In fact it can be completely lost in the trappings of cyber-sales and holiday parties. We try to do what is right for others since the true meaning of the season weighs upon our hearts.
We can fall short short but here is an idea and it is called #GivingTuesday.
Giving Tuesday is referred to as the Tuesday after the U.S. Thanksgiving holiday in the United States. It is meant to create an international day of charitable giving at the beginning of the Christmas and holiday season. A simple and easy way for you to get into the giving spirit.
A great idea, giving to a charity.
You can make food donations, give money to organizations that help others. You can buy/give clothing, gifts and a whole range of other things needed by families not as fortunate as us. Many times it is the simple doll or toy truck that can mean all the world to a young child. A gift that will fill the heart of the one receiving it and it will fill your heart as well.
This time of year and throughout the year as well, consider giving to a charity, to others, to your brothers and sisters in your community.
"Go confidently in the direction of your dreams. Live the life you have imagined." -Henry David Thoreau
Recently I was introduced again to unicorns. Yes, those white horse-like animals with a long horn. A creature described in folklore and Bible as an animal with an un-tamable nature, an extremely wild woodland creature that is a symbol of purity and grace.
It is through my grand-daughters I have been reminded of this creature. I have been reminded of beautiful innocence in which anything is possible. Of not being bound by cruelty or conformity. That yes, we can dream big and pursue that which we want in life.
We go through life where we are told as children to have an imagination that should never cease. We then become adults and are told to conform to the rules of everyday life. Our imaginations are said to get in the way of our work, of raising our families and of living life.
But the power of imagination, of our dreams, remains a force in on our life that can be harnessed to achieve things normally thought impossible.
Dreaming of big and greater things in your life requires change. It requires work. It requires doing the things necessary to place you in a position to achieve. It also requires ridding your mind of negativity. It requires taking a chance at failure, at ridicule and at rejection.
And as you continue to persevere through the toil of this work, you will find your dream just on the other side. It is there waiting for you. It is in a place many people will never venture.
"Don’t judge each day by the harvest you reap but by the seeds you plant." – Robert Louis Stevenson
So this coming week is a national election here in the United States on November 6th. By now you have probably seen all of the political commercials and decided one way or another how you will vote. And I would encourage you to exercise your right to vote.
After seeing those political advertisements, you are likely in a state of believing everything is in a state of upheaval and selecting either candidate will bring our world to an end. Things are bad, the other person will make it worse and yes, we are all drawn to train wrecks.
These feelings that get pumped up can also bleed out into our everyday lives. We can start to feel everything is bad. The traffic is always bad, our boss is always bad, the cashier at the grocery is always bad, bad, bad, bad and it can even start to permeate into our homes.
And maybe today was just a bad day. We all have them but the better days always out number the days. Life is not an eternal train wreck unless you have decided to make it that way. But you can be a change agent in how each day ends.
You can choose to help others.
You can choose to comfort people.
You can choose to help feed, cloth or lift up those in need.
You can choose to merciful by giving forgiveness unconditionally.
You can choose to stand up for those mocked for having different beliefs.
You can choose to be the peacemaker, to let it go and not to stoke anger.
You can choose to stand up for someone being bullied, teased, or tormented.
You can choose to do these things without expectation of anything in return.
Yes, you too can choose to make the world a better place. And in doing so the world will be a better place for you as well.
“Never allow waiting to become a habit. Live your dreams and take risks. Life is happening now.” — Paulo Coelho
Have you ever asked yourself, "Why did I wait so long to make a decision?" Or are you still in the middle of trying to make that decision, waiting for the perfect time or the perfect moment to begin?
I once read a story of a young man who had asked the philosopher Socrates how one could acquire wisdom and knowledge. "Follow me," Socrates said and led the man down to the sea. As they waded into the water, first shallow and then much deeper, Socrates grabbed the young man and held him under the water.
The young man struggled quite mightily and in due time Socrates pulled him up. The man was furious and yelled, "What are you doing?! Trying to kill me?" To which Socrates calmly said, "Absolutely not. If that was my intention, I would not have pulled you up."
"Then why did you just do that?" the young man asked.
"When you want wisdom and insight as badly as you desired that breath of air, then you shall have it," Socrates replied before turning and walking to the shore.
If we want something, of course we plan and prepare but the time must come to take action. To wait and wait and wait even further normally is the result of excuses. Excuses caused by either fear, not wanting it badly enough or a false sense of perfection.
Regardless of what is causing it, you must move forward. Start now, do not wait any further, get moving, one foot in front of the other and every other cliche you can think of. Just start moving.
So to answer the question of where to begin, is to start here and now.
“When men are most sure and arrogant they are commonly most mistaken, giving views to passion without that proper deliberation which alone can secure them from the grossest absurdities.” - David Hume
There are times in history, the recent past, the present and in the coming future that arrogance places us in a precarious position. I am speaking of when we believe in the infallibility of our own successes. That what we have done is a lock solid testament to all future success.
Now I do believe a difference exists between having confidence in one's successes and exaggerated arrogance. If we have confidence in decisions we have made, in those successes based upon our actions, then of course we should be comforted in our ability to repeat it.
But arrogance brings about excessive pride or hubris which can also bring us to a downfall. In the Greek story of Oedipus Rex, by Sophocles, the king tries to defy the gods but does what he warned of. In other words, he believed his "own press."
In relative recent history, after the war in the Pacific in 1945, U.S. Army General Douglas MacArthur was ranked alongside many of the greatest generals. He had successfully pulled off the overrunning of North Korea from the southern Korean peninsula. Yet he soon believed success was a permanent habit and made the decision to confront the Chinese only to force his troops to fight for victory from a defeating situation.
In the Battle of Chosin Reservoir, between November 27 and 13 December 13, 30,000 troops, nicknamed "The Chosin Few" found themselves surrounded and attacked by 120,000 Chinese troops. In harsh winter, mountainous conditions and surrounded, they were forced to withdraw. When asked of this, field commander Major General Oliver P. Smith remarked, "Retreat, hell! We're not retreating, we're just advancing in a different direction."
The casualties on the U.S. led UN forces numbered nearly 10,500 with reports of nearly 60,000 Chinese troops having fallen. A grim reminder of the consequences of arrogance yet the ability to also achieve some level of victory beyond the failure.
Some will argue the reasons and outcomes of the Chosin Reservoir or any other failure of a leader. But history will always be filled with generals, presidents, pastors, teachers and families where arrogance will lead us down a destructive path. It is in our ability to overcome the unfortunate decisions made by those who do not temper those decisions with confident humility.
George Orwell was quoted as saying that "...each generation imagines itself to be more intelligent than the one that went before it, and wiser than the one that comes after it." It is our own lack of humility which can drive us to follow arrogant leaders or make poor decisions.
And regardless of who our heroes or demons are today, history shows we can overcome, get through and get beyond the proclivities of arrogance. We can achieve victory in small or large measure beyond the failures which occur in our lives.
“The leaves fall, the wind blows, and the farm country slowly changes from the summer cottons into its winter wools.” ― Henry Beston
We are well into the autumn season that brings with it lots of changes. The leaves begin to fade and fall from the branches. The leaf rake comes out and a battle with the wind to keep our yard looking neat fills my weekend. The cooler weather helps but this year the eighty degree temperatures seem to be holding on longer than usual.
Ahh, those autumn evenings.
I have watched many weather changes through out my years of living. While the general nature of those changes remains the same, I always seem to notice something different. And maybe it really is no different than other years, but only that I took notice. My attention was somehow captured by something different, something new to me.
Ahh, those autumn evenings.
This year the smells of autumn have captured me in remembrance of my growing up on the farm. Those days of knowing the cold winter would be upon us but before then the preparation of the hay in the barn loft, and finishing the harvest. It could be considered the end of something but I always viewed it as a beginning, a start of something new.
Ahh, those autumn evenings.
The life we live, the particulars of what is happening around us and what the future brings is what a change in seasons is to me. It might be the current politics we have, the relationship we are in, a job or one of a dozen things that puts us in a particular season of life. But those seasons change and those changes can bring great things.
Ahh, those autumn evenings.
You might be in a good season of life right now, but change is inevitable just as the changing seasons of nature are. The change does not mean it will be bad, just different, a "new normal" in your life. The change brings opportunity to improve, correct or simply adapt to. This is how life is and we need to embrace the change if only because of "ahh, those autumn evenings."
“The master key of knowledge is, indeed, a persistent and frequent questioning.” – Peter Abelard
Who do you look up to these days? Is it the latest reality TV series star, a super hero character from the movies, someone in our military forces or a highly viewed Twitter account?
Some would argue we live in a cult of personality period when it comes to our politics. A political "cult of personality" occurs when a political group or even individual is able to use mass media, propaganda, or other terms as defined in Wikipedia "...to create an idealized, heroic, and worshipful image of a leader, often through unquestioning flattery and praise."
One can find in history a long list of people who fit this title. And I am sure there will be those who will tie this to modern day politics. And yes, I would say it has been a topic of great interest.
It is true of any personality obsession we have in our culture today.
I would say we need to question ourselves when the admiration and unrelenting support of a leader, sports, movie or other person becomes an obsession. We should question why the "cult of personality" draws us in and captivates our support. We should do so regardless of political leaning, religious belief or any other aspect of life.
Question, ask, inquire, query, yearn to know and quiz the reasons why this cult of personality has been given.
“It has been said, 'time heals all wounds.' I do not agree. The wounds remain. In time, the mind, protecting its sanity, covers them with scar tissue and the pain lessens. But it is never gone.” ― Rose Fitzgerald Kennedy
Does the past justify the present or does the present justify the past?
It seems like a paradoxical question I suppose.
We struggle with what happened in the past through the lens of today.
There are many different subjects one could apply today's thinking on yesteryear's events.
Sexual harassment, racism, health or a whole slew of other topics come to mind if you scroll through social media feeds.
So much changes as time passes by and what one person calls society progressing, another yearns for what once was.
If something happened five, ten, twenty or even more years ago ... does time resolve everything?
“You're going to make it; You're going to be at peace; You're going to create, and love, and laugh, and live; You're going to do great things.” ― Germany Kent
A couple of months back, a fairly strong storm came through our neighborhood where we live. It was early morning and the wind was incredible for the short amount of time it took to pass through. In the aftermath, damage to a couple of trees in the backyard was quite apparent including a large Maple tree.
Over the next two weekends I took my time cutting down and cutting up the broken branches and limbs from these trees. Yet there was one particular tree branch too high for me to risk or really worry about. I figured that it would die and break away to be cleaned up at a later time.
The branch continues to hang on and live.
So here we are at least two months post-storm and the branch hangs lonely, broken but still living. Its leaves are just as green and vibrant as those on much stronger branches. It has not given up and somehow I believe it will be interesting to watch nature repair itself.
I have witnessed and I have lived a broken life. Many of you have probably had your limbs broken from the main branch of life. Maybe shattered or fractured but holding on in some small manner pulling what little sustenance you could from the the pieces still attached.
Some view this broken attachment as the final end, waiting for the main tree trunk to snap the remaining connection. What little remains though is meant to hold on. It is meant to hold on in both directions the connection between you and others.
The connection allows you to hold on tight.
While you still have breath, you have a connected piece to those around you. The broken can be mended for there is laughter and love for you in this life.
It comes through the life giving connection to others. It comes from not giving up. And watch as the green of growth will shine brilliantly and strong, just like the others around you.
“The darkest night in someone's life may be the brightest day in another person's life. Life rests on perceptions and conceptions or missed perceptions and misconceptions.” ― Israelmore Ayivor
I have been in the technology field for over 38 years and feel I have stayed pretty close to the leading curve of all things new and cool. The advances being made in all fields of human progress continue to grab my interest and time. Even new music, trends and ways of thinking how we live our lives.
But I have a confession on this perfect late summer morning.
We still have a house phone cradled in its base. In our defense, it is not attached to the wall in our kitchen with a rotary dial and fifteen foot long twisted cord connecting the hand set to the base unit. It is a hand held and we have remote hand sets in various rooms of the house.
This phone serves 98% of the time as a place for telemarketers to waste their automated call time selling great insurance deals, lowering my credit card rates and attempts to ensure my Microsoft operating system license is fully paid for. Caller ID and the answering machine make for a great way to monitor and ignore the calls.
The blinking yellow message light, blinking, blinking, blinking.
Each hand held has a small yellow LED light that blinks when a message is left. It is very easy to push the key sequence on the phone to delete the messages. Some days it is part of my regular bed time routine. Many nights though I forget to delete the daily messages and fall blissfully asleep.
In the darkness of night there are moments I wake to this bright yellow beacon filling the room. It might as well be a road construction warning light sitting on the dresser. Seriously, one night in half sleep I combined the rumble of our AC unit and the yellow light into wondering why a garbage truck was parked outside of our home. My wife barely notices it.
And there it is, how we perceive things in life.
One definition of perceiving is to interpret or look on (someone or something) in a particular way. Shes perceives the light as nothing more than the small dimly lit LED that it is. I perceive it to be a lighthouse guarding ships from coastal dangers. Her view is perfectly normal and rational. Mine is probably exaggerated.
In an article by Gregg Henriques, Ph.D., professor of psychology at James Madison University titled Perception and Perceptual Illusions, he states "Through experience, the mind/brain builds perceptual categories of objects. ... The matching process is what gives us the experience of figure/ground relationships."
Our life experience has us wired differently.
If we read Twitter, Facebook, opinion columns and listen to all of the noisy differences, one might wonder how we accomplish anything. The conversation can be good for advancing humanity, but we need to understand how we perceive one thing is perceived differently by others.
One could apply my blinking yellow message light to current politics. What I may view as bombastic deception, another will view as quiet guidance. Our frame of reference is simply different.
In our haste to send off eye popping Tweets only results in widening our divide. Maybe the starting point should be acknowledging the difference. If we try to perceive things slightly different we can lessen the divide.
Maybe that little yellow message light is warning us.
“Time flames like a paraffin stove and what burns are the minutes I live.” ― Irving Layton
Not long ago I heard a story from a pastor talking about the words we use and how we understand those used by others. The story began with a question to another person in which she asked, "Do you know what a fetter is?" This person responded, "Sure, I grew up on a farm and my Dad would always ask if the horse had been tended to. My response was always yes, I 'fed her' today."
To understand where this is going, a 'fetter' is normally defined as a chain or manacle used to restrain a prisoner. But I am going to use it to explain how our lives are chained together in many different ways. The interlinking through family, marriage, work, and lots of groups, institutions or other connections binds us all. So how we treat those connections remains important.
Take the binding of two people in marriage. The words spoken as a vow are, "...til death us do part." The life of two bound together is full of words, at first only words of love, then others enter in as they become comfortable with each other. Sometimes too comfortable as we try to mold the other into what we wish them to be, forgetting the "who and why" we married them. Those words spoken can create disharmony, cause conflict or turmoil instead of enjoyment of life and togetherness.
... and then time catches up and the 'til death do us part' arrives.
Life passes by, gone in the blink of an eye. And for what have we wasted with words the time bound together. Was it in bliss or in conflict of each other. And if in conflict, what was the most likely cause of a continued conflict in our life?
I would suggest the answer to that question is pride. Pride keeps us many times from living a more peaceful and enjoyable life. I am talking about the kind of pride that prevents us from being honest with ourselves. In other instances, we do not want to admit defeat. And for many reasons, we do not want to be seen as weak or incapable.
But our vulnerability is exactly the thing that could help us build connections and stronger relationships. Pride gets in the way of our fettered relationships. It gets in the way and prevents us from enjoying the time we have together.
Yes, there are many reasons our relationships dissolve. There are many reasons we cannot seem to get past the walls of division we build. But remember it all goes by so quickly and in the end, was pride worth it?
“Don't, Sir, accustom yourself to use big words for little matters.” ― Samuel Johnson
Recently I was listening to a colleague complain of a slight taken upon him by another person. The words used were "...he stabbed me in the back." The remaining parts of our conversation were filled with an over abundance of colorful verbs and exaggerated adjectives. It felt as though this person had a compelling reason to convince me of the wrong that was enacted upon him.
He had me at hello.
In actuality, it did not take all of the bluster to convince me of the wrong. And in all of the bluster, the wrong did not rise to the explanation of a knife being inserted into the back of this person. So why was the use of a bloody physical attack needed as the described result of a wrong done by another? Does exaggeration have to be so bold in order to prove one's point?
Is it self importance that we feel the need to do so? Well, sort of it is, but a few reasons people explain things in exaggerated ways are;
- To communicate a certain trait: In the case of my story, was the fellow trying to exhibit his strength to sustain a bloody blow of a knife. That no matter what befalls him, he is a survivor and cannot be defeated?
- To prove something: Maybe he felt I would not believe or consider his concern valid without the graphic explanation. He really was not injured by a knife firmly incised into his back. This could be a common sign of low self esteem. While he raised the wrong to such a high level, did he really think it would have generated greater belief on my behalf?
- To support a point of view: It is said that many people would rather be believed even if they knew their argument is invalid rather than changing their opinion or admitting they were wrong. To me the knife in the back description has always seemed quite over the top in any explanation.
Can we just call it "Twitter Bluster"?
I have a healthy respect for what social media sites such as Twitter and Facebook can accomplish in keeping all of us connected. In business I use it as a tool to teach others how to be succinct, to the point, with their updates on various subjects. With a pre-defined number of characters, how well can you get that point across quickly? Think of it as the 30-second elevator pitch to the division vice-president or to a promising new customer.
But these social media sites have also given birth to the "age of unfettered bluster" in making our point known. Our politicians are not the only ones, but we ourselves have raised the level of exaggerated noise to new levels of just noise. In all of this noise, we are simply trying to shout louder than the next person. We are likely trying to be more important than the next person.
Take the story of a gnat sitting on a bull's horn for a long time. Eventually, he asks the bull whether he would like him to leave. The bull says he had not realized the gnat was even there in the first place and will not miss him when he is gone.
Self importance will soon be forgotten if ever noticed in the first place.
The wind blows through the grass, bending it for a short amount of time. The wind is here and gone, unseen, only temporarily noticed as is the exaggerated word. What remains is the grass, standing tall and proud.
“There is nothing more notable in Socrates than that he found time, when he was an old man, to learn music and dancing, and thought it time well spent.” ― Michel de Montaigne
I would have to guess that the older we get, the more we realize how much we do not know. Of course we know a lot of things. We attend school, we get our degrees and through years of work the knowledge grows exceedingly within us.
But we learn to know what we do not know.
There are depths of learning that are described in different ways. Norman Webb defined these as DOKs or Depth of Knowledge stages. Another descriptive way has to do with water. Learning can be like walking into the water, finding the depth of what you know and understand.
In Webb's use of the DOK Wheel, there are four levels the first of which is DOK-1. This is the simple ability to recall and reproduce data, definitions, details, facts, information, and procedures. This level is known as knowledge acquisition but I call it wading into the water ankle deep.
The second or DOK-2 is the building of skills and concepts. This means making a decision on how you will approach your learning process. It includes decisions that require more than a single step such as comparing, organizing or estimating. Here we have knowledge application or entered knee level depth in our water approach.
We now move onto DOK-3 where we think strategically, with reason about the how and why various concepts can be used to get and explain those things we have learned. This is a point at which we can analyze our knowledge in a waist deep way.
With the fourth or DOK-4 level, this requires the most complex of thinking. It is a multitasking of thoughts and knowledge, using multiple sources and multiple ways of solving problems. This is what Webb called knowledge augmentation but I call it swimming.
Swimming in the deep end.
Do we allow our perceived intelligence to be the end to all we know? Are we ready to swim across the lake or an ocean for that matter? Or are we willing to explore a fifth level, the level called wisdom. It is a level brought on by time and age. This is the point at which true knowledge is revealed.
Never let yourself be satisfied with just the gaining of knowledge. As we swim the waters of life, enter the level of wisdom to grow until the end of our swim.
"So bend to your trouble and meet your care, for the clouds must break, and the sky grow fair. Let the rain come down, as it must and will, but keep on working and hoping still."
- Edgar A. Guest
In the time since I last wrote to you, the waves kept coming one after another. The list kept growing and the rains have continued to fall. The feeling of being over-whelmed is easy to succumb to during these periods.
So what happened?
The storm that blew in tore down some trees started it all and I will lay the blame on that storm. While it is foolish to assign blame in this fashion, it simply establishes the timeline. The next thing to happen was my upper level air conditioning unit had a humidity drain hose leak that went undetected until it was. What that means is my upstairs hallway ceiling became a mushy mess of water dripping. I quickly fixed the water leak and the ceiling will be repaired by someone more capable then myself.
Yet the fun decided to continue.
The next morning it seemed our home was not keeping up with the cooling during the heat wave we were having. My downstairs air conditioning unit was unable to cool and the unit was frosting over. Winter frost on the pipes during summer, how delightful. This was then repaired at a none too inexpensive cost by our Heating & Air specialists, replacing the blower fan unit. This resulted in much cooler heads and thinking.
I now appear to be a proper whining blogger.
If you have remained reading to this point, or have read my blog posts over the years, I am actually a very positive person. And the story here is really about how we react to these endless waves of issues that come at us. In fact, these things do not happen just to me or you alone. In fact I can state some folks close to us have gone through (excuse the book reference) "A Series of Unfortunate Events" lately.
These folks have a SUV which has had issues from day one and have accumulated frustration and cost over the past year or so. They made a wise decision to cut their trouble and sell back the vehicle to the dealership. With that wave passed, they are now a one car family adjusting to their new transportation situation.
And then wave number two came along.
A very well meaning recall notice on their remaining vehicle arrived from the manufacturer. The recall was for safety and they dutifully took the car to the dealership which performed the work necessary. The dealership also did what was right and did an inspection of the car as a courtesy. The items found would cost over one thousand dollars to fix. Wave number two felt bigger then wave number one, or maybe it felt more like a punch in the gut.
You know it is coming.
Now these fine folks have two small boys and boys can be quite inventive, inquisitive and tornado-like in their adventurous day. Wave three comes in as flour not only spread upon the table, but the floor, in various non-food containers and in places flour just should not be. In fact, their lovely brown haired dog was now an equine coated spectacle of flour.
There are pictures of proof later in life that I am sure these two boys will be reminded of. But the great part about their reaction is that they could only laugh at the situation and know the good things in life actually out-weigh the bad.
To focus on the crushing wave upon wave is to forget the sea breeze, the brilliant blue sky and the exhilarating excitement life provides us with.
We all go through seasons of turmoil and discombobulating events. What may seem trivial to one person has a most upsetting impact to another. Our problems are all relative in the context of our personal lives. What we do have commonality in is that we all experience these waves. Like the normal rhythm of our breathing, or day turning to night or the changing of the seasons, the joyful will return.
