Face to Face

"Pity may represent little more than the impersonal concern which prompts the mailing of a check, but true sympathy is the personal concern which demands the giving of one's soul.." ~Martin Luther King, Jr

Main Entry: impersonal
Part of Speech: adjective
Definition: cold, unfriendly
Synonyms: abstract, bureaucratic, businesslike, candid, cold turkey, cold-blooded, colorless, cool, detached, disinterested, dispassionate, emotionless, equal, equitable, fair, formal, impartial, indifferent, inhuman, neutral, nondiscriminatory, objective, poker-faced, remote, straight, strictly business, unbiased, uncolored, unpassioned

Every day it seems that our lives become much more impersonal with the use of email and social networks. The idea of a face-to-face conversation even is terrifying to some people. We walk around all day looking at our Blackberry or sit at dinner playing with our iPhone. I am certainly one that has to work at setting those devices down and simply talking.

An example of the impersonal nature of life comes in the form of our housing mortgage problems. Yes, you can say that many lenders and borrowers were like 'drunken sailors on shore leave' (apologies to the Navy for using this euphemism).

Everyone was lending money, everyone was borrowing money and much of it outside of their means. And when things turned sour in the economy, the worst of these were first to go. But then the people that had qualified, were making payments, were doing everything right lost a piece of the American dream.

Their hours were reduced, many lost jobs due to the economic downturn and many started to do what they could to uphold their end of the deal. The banks, the mortgage lenders, the money side of this equation started feeling the pinch as well. They were looking for any means to shore up their losses and clean up their books. So many started calling in these loans.

Now I'm over simplifying but on the surface, the cards started to fall all around many people. The worst part of it was the impersonal nature in how it was done. The form letters informing people that they were 'seriously' in arrears. The increasingly tough letters to back people up against the wall. Take it or leave it deals.

All the while, a friendly ending to each saying thank you for your attention to this matter. They even provided phone numbers that when you called would proclaim, "we value your business." All very impersonal, all very stale and no one that you could speak with face-to-face.

Now my wife and I have never fallen into this situation. But the stories we have heard, the stories we have read tell a tale of people just trying to do what is right. But those same people were getting a cold, stale look in return.

Yes, again there are those that over borrowed, those that tried to take advantage of the system. But many were just trying to achieve their dreams. And it is the impersonal nature in which lenders and mortgage holders reacted that contributed as well.

To sit down in front of someone, face-to-face and have a discussion about a situation goes much further. Tension can be the beginning, but once two people look each other in the eye, the healing begins. When you put down the phone, when you stop typing those emails, and talk; things begin to get accomplished.

All of the gadgets we have in life are fantastic and do a lot of great things for our lives. But the most important thing in life is two or more people gathered. Talking to each other, sharing a meal, sharing their lives with each other.

Think about it and then have a face-to-face conversation with someone.