Where Do I Go?

"Once you make a decision, the universe conspires to make it happen." -Ralph Waldo Emerson

The time approaches when you have identified an addicting habit, faced it and gone through recovery steps. You are like the shiny clean car being coming out at the end of the automated car wash. At that moment you are in a safe spot, clean and ready to face the world, yet you wonder which way to go, what next, and how.

The choice of roads are plentiful, some paved, some not. The sky has patches of blue with darkening clouds in one direction. The world seems scary and enticing, all at the same time once again. So you stop and wonder, "where do I go?"

Any time you have come through counseling, coaching, rehab, insert your favorite term here; part of that process should include steps to prepare you for this moment in time. In fact for most it can be the most difficult time in recovery because all of the tools, words, and safety are now your's to deploy in your new life.

Nearly every book I have read will say that recovery doesn't occur simply by ending the addictive behavior. Recovery happens by creating a new life where it is easier to not use. If you don't create a new life, all of those things that brought you to your addiction will eventually catch up with you again.

Not everything has to change and all of us know that the world itself will not change to meet your new needs. All of those things, friends, neighborhoods, hangouts and other strong influences will still exist. Many of those things will have to be let go in your new life and the more you try to hold onto your old life in recovery, the less well you will do.

There are things you can do which will help you avoid a relapse and ease the anxiety of what you are going through.

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(from Seth Meyers, Psy.D., clinical psychologist with the L.A. County Department of Mental Health.)

1. Get a sponsor.

Don’t make the mistake of thinking that you need to join Alcoholics Anonymous or another twelve-step group to have a sponsor. If you don’t want to join a twelve-step group, ask a trusted friend to be your sponsor, someone you can call when you’re overwhelmed. Having a sponsor is a crucial, time-tested part of successful recovery.

2. Always remember HALT.

After running addiction groups on Skid Rowe in Los Angeles for a long time, I found that one of the most helpful tools for recovering addicts is a neat and simple acronym: H (Hungry), A (Angry), L (Lonely), T (Tired). Research—and first-hand accounts of thousands of addicts—tell us that you’re more likely to relapse if you experience any of these strong feelings. Be careful and make sure to take care of yourself so that these unchecked feelings don’t wreak continued havoc on your life! Get your rest, eat well, surround yourself with positive people, and express your anger in the right places: your journal, therapy, or artistic outlets.

3. Find purpose.

One of the best ways to ensure a successful recovery is to make sure that you’re clear on your sense of purpose—and I’m not just talking about returning to your job to pay the bills after rehab has drained your bank account. I’m talking about making sure that your life has meaning in several domains: cultivating friendships full of nurturance and support, volunteering for organizations that serve others who are less fortunate, and even writing about your story—in a journal, a blog post, or even planting the seeds to write your very first book!

4. Rediscover childhood fun.

Consistently, I find in my work with addicts that their addictions took over so much of their lives that they stopped doing some very simple and basic activities that once brought them peace and joy—and people need joy like the IRS needs tax returns. My advice is simple in this department: Figure out what you have fun doing—and a return to addictive behavior doesn't count—and pursue those activities in a disciplined way (e.g., twice per week or more frequently). Examples: dancing, uncommon exercises (kick-boxing class, Pilates), and creative pursuits either at home or in a class at a local community college (drawing, painting, sculpting). We did this stuff as kids, so why did we ever stop?

5. Work on your relationships.

It’s impossible to be an addict without simultaneously damaging some of your closest relationships. Yes, it’s hard to be the addict, but it’s no easier to be the loved one of the addict. After rehab, you must start to do the work to improve your relationships that have suffered because of your historic loyalty to the addiction—and your loved ones know too well that you put your addiction first. Start having conversations with your loved ones about their feelings and apologize for the fact that your problems caused problems for them, too. Give them a chance to tell you how they’ve felt as they witnessed your downward spiral, and reassure them that you are now making an honest commitment to change. If you get feedback that is painful or hard to hear, call your new sponsor who can give you some perspective on the situation.

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There will be a time when the road becomes much more clear in your life. When you reach the point of not worrying about the road ahead, knowing you have the ability to take on any thing, in any fashion, in your own way. Stay inspired my friends.