Then What

"Sometimes our light goes out but is blown into flame by another human being. Each of us owes deepest thanks to those who have rekindled this light." - Albert Schweitzer

There are varying levels of 'anguish' or 'turmoil' in each of our lives. I refer to a myriad of issues that could be going on in our daily struggle to exist. It could be someone struggling with alcoholism, trying as he might to break from its hold of his life. There are other forms of addiction that affect people from alcohol and drugs to criminal behaviors which all tear a person's life apart.

Many times this way of life is a 'me' oriented journey. And for those that choose to put their lives in order will find the going tough. It is not an easy journey.

But when the decision is made to change...then what?

Your addiction is treated, handled, put under control and those basic needs in life become evident again. In example, finding a job enters back in as a need for your life. You re-educate yourself so that you can enter the work place. Finding a job that will enable you to afford a place to live, food to eat and some glimpse of a future...then what?

As time passes, you become a model work place employee. You meet someone nice and start to develop a relationship. You might even establish your religious faith again. The motion of life seems to be in order, all is going well...then what?

Even from the most messed up lives, we can achieve a level of stability in which we become comfortable. It is in this comfort that we risk developing our 'me-oriented' thoughts. But you need to keep asking yourself...then what?

The 'then what' is turning your life from 'me' to 'others'.

The 'others' are those we extend a helping hand to. The 'others' are those that need your help is bringing order to their own lives. If it were not for 'others', your own life could not have been brought back from where it was. We turn our attention to serving and helping others where we can.

As my friend Dean Sweetman has said, "Do not help people by making them into a project. Help people by loving them with a sincere concern for their well being."

Then what?

When you release yourself from a 'me-centered' life, good things will flow back into your life in unexpected ways. There will always be the "...then what" in our lives which is simply a call from your heart to do more. Find your life and then turn your goodness outward.

Stay inspired my friends!

Where Do I Go?

"Once you make a decision, the universe conspires to make it happen." -Ralph Waldo Emerson

The time approaches when you have identified an addicting habit, faced it and gone through recovery steps. You are like the shiny clean car being coming out at the end of the automated car wash. At that moment you are in a safe spot, clean and ready to face the world, yet you wonder which way to go, what next, and how.

The choice of roads are plentiful, some paved, some not. The sky has patches of blue with darkening clouds in one direction. The world seems scary and enticing, all at the same time once again. So you stop and wonder, "where do I go?"

Any time you have come through counseling, coaching, rehab, insert your favorite term here; part of that process should include steps to prepare you for this moment in time. In fact for most it can be the most difficult time in recovery because all of the tools, words, and safety are now your's to deploy in your new life.

Nearly every book I have read will say that recovery doesn't occur simply by ending the addictive behavior. Recovery happens by creating a new life where it is easier to not use. If you don't create a new life, all of those things that brought you to your addiction will eventually catch up with you again.

Not everything has to change and all of us know that the world itself will not change to meet your new needs. All of those things, friends, neighborhoods, hangouts and other strong influences will still exist. Many of those things will have to be let go in your new life and the more you try to hold onto your old life in recovery, the less well you will do.

There are things you can do which will help you avoid a relapse and ease the anxiety of what you are going through.

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(from Seth Meyers, Psy.D., clinical psychologist with the L.A. County Department of Mental Health.)

1. Get a sponsor.

Don’t make the mistake of thinking that you need to join Alcoholics Anonymous or another twelve-step group to have a sponsor. If you don’t want to join a twelve-step group, ask a trusted friend to be your sponsor, someone you can call when you’re overwhelmed. Having a sponsor is a crucial, time-tested part of successful recovery.

2. Always remember HALT.

After running addiction groups on Skid Rowe in Los Angeles for a long time, I found that one of the most helpful tools for recovering addicts is a neat and simple acronym: H (Hungry), A (Angry), L (Lonely), T (Tired). Research—and first-hand accounts of thousands of addicts—tell us that you’re more likely to relapse if you experience any of these strong feelings. Be careful and make sure to take care of yourself so that these unchecked feelings don’t wreak continued havoc on your life! Get your rest, eat well, surround yourself with positive people, and express your anger in the right places: your journal, therapy, or artistic outlets.

3. Find purpose.

One of the best ways to ensure a successful recovery is to make sure that you’re clear on your sense of purpose—and I’m not just talking about returning to your job to pay the bills after rehab has drained your bank account. I’m talking about making sure that your life has meaning in several domains: cultivating friendships full of nurturance and support, volunteering for organizations that serve others who are less fortunate, and even writing about your story—in a journal, a blog post, or even planting the seeds to write your very first book!

4. Rediscover childhood fun.

Consistently, I find in my work with addicts that their addictions took over so much of their lives that they stopped doing some very simple and basic activities that once brought them peace and joy—and people need joy like the IRS needs tax returns. My advice is simple in this department: Figure out what you have fun doing—and a return to addictive behavior doesn't count—and pursue those activities in a disciplined way (e.g., twice per week or more frequently). Examples: dancing, uncommon exercises (kick-boxing class, Pilates), and creative pursuits either at home or in a class at a local community college (drawing, painting, sculpting). We did this stuff as kids, so why did we ever stop?

5. Work on your relationships.

It’s impossible to be an addict without simultaneously damaging some of your closest relationships. Yes, it’s hard to be the addict, but it’s no easier to be the loved one of the addict. After rehab, you must start to do the work to improve your relationships that have suffered because of your historic loyalty to the addiction—and your loved ones know too well that you put your addiction first. Start having conversations with your loved ones about their feelings and apologize for the fact that your problems caused problems for them, too. Give them a chance to tell you how they’ve felt as they witnessed your downward spiral, and reassure them that you are now making an honest commitment to change. If you get feedback that is painful or hard to hear, call your new sponsor who can give you some perspective on the situation.

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There will be a time when the road becomes much more clear in your life. When you reach the point of not worrying about the road ahead, knowing you have the ability to take on any thing, in any fashion, in your own way. Stay inspired my friends.

Relationship with Addiction

"No one is immune from addiction; it afflicts people of all ages, races, classes, and professions." -Patrick J. Kennedy

Psychology Today describes addiction as "a condition that results when a person ingests a substance (alcohol, drugs) or engages in an activity (gambling, pornography) that can be pleasurable but the continued use of which becomes compulsive and interferes with ordinary life responsibilities, such as work or relationships, or health. Users may not be aware that their behavior is out of control and causing problems for themselves and others."

The experts debate if addiction is a "disease" or a true mental illness but in either case, addictions need to be dealt with if the its spiraling effects are to be stopped. And many people, either addicted or speaking of those addicted will debate what is the difference between a habit and an addiction?

Addiction - there is a psychological/physical component; the person is unable to control the aspects of the addiction without help because of the mental or physical conditions involved.

Habit - it is done by choice. The person with the habit can choose to stop, and will subsequently stop successfully if they want to. The psychological/physical component is not an issue as it is with an addiction.

So in its simplest form, if it were a habit, you would be in control of your choices. When it comes to addiction, you are not in control of your choices, the addiction is running the show. And that addiction can come in different forms because an addiction is when a person does an activity, or uses a substance, that they find so pleasurable they cannot stop doing or using it.

There are different types of addictions as noted such as;

Drugs and Alcohol

Having an addiction to mind-altering drugs is very unpleasant, scary, and sometimes deadly. People must enter a rehabilitation center to receive medication and counseling, in order to safely detoxify from these substances. Usually, when a person is addicted to a certain substance, they are susceptible to having addictions to other substances. In addition, most drugs are illegal and carry legal repercussions. Loss of relationships, family and home normally occur with this or any type of addiction if not dealt with.

Gambling and Shopping

Ding, ding, din, the alluring sound of those slot machines or maybe the enticing store display with it 30% off sale price signs. Both seem innocent enough because the act of winning or taking home a new possession can and does produce excitement and pleasure that can lead to continuing the behavior; many times to immeasurable lengths. In example, a gambler or shopping addict may spend all of their money and go into debt, even if they have a family to care for. The results of either can mean huge debt, loss of family and home.

Sex or Pornography

There are those that will seek to please others so that they themselves will feel love in return. While sex is a physical act, the act itself satisfies the need for love and attention that those with sexual addictions crave. This same need can be manifested in the form of viewing pornography and the resulting physical release without commitment or "strings attached" obligations. The end results of either can be loss of relationships, jobs, self respect and even medical problems.

Exercise

Yes, exercise can become an addiction as people become obsessed with having a perfect body. This type of addict must work out daily, sometimes many times a day or for hours on end, striving for excellence in performance and physique. These type of people get addicted to the “high” experienced from the endorphins released through exercise. An exercise addict must work out to the extreme in order to feel good about them-self.

As you can see, addiction becomes an addiction when it interferes with the many other parts of your life. When your relationship to life becomes all consuming by the addiction, exclusively and under its controlling methods.

The good news is that addiction is treatable, can be overcome and that hope for returning to a normal life does exist.

The first step or phase of treatment is withdrawal from the problem substance or activity. Many organizations that treat addiction will describe this phase in acknowledging there are both physical and psychological effects that occur when substance-taking stops. This includes physical signs as nausea and vomiting, chills and sweats, muscle cramps and aches, sleeplessness, shifts in heart rate, even fever. The emotional effects include depression, anxiety, irritability, and mood swings.

The withdrawal symptoms normally last three to five days and while rarely life-threatening, medical supervision is usually provided in residential treatment programs, and medications may be given to ameliorate the acute discomfort of withdrawal for those undergoing drug or substance abuse types of treatment.

Behavioral therapy and counseling become important elements of all addiction treatments. This therapy will help people identify, avoid, and cope with situations in which they are most likely to abuse drugs or activities. There is an element to this type of treatment that will remind people of their value in life and to those around them. Family therapy may be provided or needed to help the patient maintain a supportive environment and improve family functioning.

While addictions have varying degrees of impact on the addicted person's life and those around them; these addictions can be overcome. There is hope, there is help and there is possibility for greatness beyond addiction.

Stay inspired my friends.