Denial Hurts

“The thing about denial is that it doesn't feel like denial when it's going on.” ―Georgina Kleege

When does denial become harmful? It does so at the point when the denial is found out to be untrue. Such is the case of Lance Armstrong and his denials of drug doping during his perceived stellar cycling career. It becomes harmful to the many that believed in his success. It becomes harmful to those that were attacked by his denials. It becomes harmful to the individual, the one making the denials.

Denial itself is simply a person's inability or unwillingness to recognize that they are unable or unwilling to face a painful reality. Denial (of reality) exists, but why?

The question is how we as intelligent humans with the ability to analyze complex information ignore facts that clearly lay in front of us? This ability to refuse seeing those facts even when ignoring them might have disastrous results.

Part of the problem is that many things are simply neither just true or false. People experience a wide range of powerful and very complex emotions. There is desire, greed, pride, revenge, need for status, shame, humiliation, and others. Each of these will command a strong influence over that person's ability to interpret facts.

Yes, we have to learn how to control those emotions and make wise decisions based upon facts. But fact-based decision-making is really in short supply because we continue to see bad decisions made based upon emotions. Researchers indicate that you can also attribute other dynamics such as ideology (substitution of belief for facts), inertia (taking the easy way out), momentum (willing obstacles out of our way), impulsiveness (now) and stubbornness (no one will change my mind). As one researcher put it, "we can easily push facts off to a far corner behind several pieces of heavy mental furniture."

Reality Bites

To admit to the reality means basically that we are potentially admitting to the limitations we may have in our life. And that can be a very restrictive feeling, so deny the facts and live in denial. The problem is that denial is not a long-term answer.

Reality will always catch up with you. You will either spend yourself into debt, eat to an unhealthy weight, destroy a relationship or found to have actually used performance enhancing drugs.

What usually follows is blame. Blame of something or someone else as the reason for your denials. It only lengthens the road to foregiveness and renewal. But blame is a subject for a different time.

My Advice

All of us will likely fall prey to denial at some point or another. The best thing you can do is learn how to control emotion over fact. Learn how to distinguish between the two. Learn how to recognize denial early on. Yes, not to go into denial is the best course you can take. But if you do, recognize it quickly, admit it quickly and seek the reality quickly.

Stay inspired my friends.

Buck Stops Here

"When you blame others, you give up your power to change." -Robert Anthony

When things go wrong, some people will refuse to accept the blame or to consider themselves to be at fault. They prefer to blame external factors, forces, people, situations, or circumstances.

In extreme cases we may deny that there is a problem. In other cases, we may try to reduce the reasons for its severity or as for our involvement by assigning the blame elsewhere so that fingers are not pointed at us.

There is an old saying, "when you point a finger at somebody you point three fingers at yourself." More times then not, the idea that three fingers are pointed back at you is a subtle reminder that you may need to accept responsibility.

Someone that carried responsibility was United States President Harry S Truman. He had a sign on his desk to remind him of his position in society. It simply said, "The buck stops here." There was no one else to blame. As president, he could not kick the blame higher.

This is not the case with the rest of us. We may assign blame to others. Yet why do we do it? Are we taught to do so? How does it affect us? How does is keep us from becoming better individuals?

So three things that you can think about when it comes to stopping the blaming and accepting responsibility for your life;

First, learn to accept and value yourself just the way you are now. Even though it continues to be important to maintain goals for your future, self-esteem is how you can evaluate yourself here in the present.

Second, learn that people should not be blamed for their human frailties. Meaning people will have faults, no one is perfect. So don't blame people simply for not being perfect.

Third, learn how to acquire and appreciate positive reinforcement. When you treat others with dignity and respect, it is very likely you will receive positive treatment in return.

There are many other reasons and ideas on accepting responsibility in your life. There may be others at fault at various times, but be quick to understand your part in all that happens. You will find that you will learn more and take away more from the situation then would have occurred by blaming others.