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"Confidence comes from not being afraid to fail. And when I do fail, I just say, Okay, I'll fix it." - Ben Kaufman
I was reading an iVillage online magazine article some time back which provided a "confidence checklist." It contained the following items;
- People who believe in themselves take charge of their actions.
- They act assertively, speak calmly and listen properly.
- They're flexible towards people, circumstances and all things new.
- They're able to give genuine praise and to accept constructive criticism.
- They evaluate themselves realistically.
- They appreciate their achievements.
- They learn from their mistakes.
- They aren't run by 'shoulds', 'musts' and 'ought tos'.
- When an opportunity comes up they say 'Why not?' rather than 'Why?'
- They feel they can influence situations and outcomes.
I am reminded of being confident as I watch the various young children during Halloween. This year I dressed up as the Sesame Street character Oscar the Grouch. As expected with very young children, there will be varying degrees of confidence shown. Some will come right up and shake your hand while others will scurry behind their parent to hide.
The development of confidence occurs at different rates.
Confidence is within all of us, but whether it shines through or whether it remains hidden can depend upon how we are treated as children and young adults. Were you encouraged, were you constantly being scared, were you nourished, were you diminished; many things will shape our lives.
As we get older though and take greater responsibility for our lives, the ability to be confident is inside you regardless of how your life was shaped. in who we are and what our abilities are will grow stronger. You can change, you can learn to be more confident in all that you do.
Dr Brian Roet, author of The Confidence to be Yourself, suggests you self-reflect in three ways to help gain or regain your own confidence:
1. Know yourself
Think about the sort of person you are. Think about your dominant personality characteristics. Then identify what motivates you; what challenges you; what frightens you; and what pleases you. Examine what you want out of life, long term, as well as what you currently give, and take, from it. Put all this together to reveal a holistic picture of who you are.
2. Like yourself
Now, ask yourself, do you approve of the person you see? Or do you feel negative and critical and guilty about who you are? It's more likely that you experience a combination of all these reactions. Write down all your good points. If this is too difficult to do alone, get a friend to help? They might be able to perceive what you can't. Read over your list. Focus on it. Recognise it to be true. Remember it. Trust it.
3. Accept yourself
To find the meaning of confidence, and to get closer to achieving it, we have to, first of all, accept the way we are ? today. Tell yourself that you can still aim for improvements for the future, but that you are happy with yourself in the present.
Finding confidence within oneself will enable you to accomplish and enjoy so much more in life. Look for and find the confidence that resides within you.
And stay inspired my friends!
