Comfortable Skin

"I'm okay in my skin, you know... I'm okay with who I am." ~Dana Plato

So many years ago, I had quite a bit of shyness in my personality. I'm not quite sure where it came from as I remember in my mind not being that way in the early days of elementary school. Then for some unknown (and not really important) reason I remember third grade being the point of rising shyness.

I think much of it came from becoming self-consciousness. I know I had become aware around that time of many physical differences being pointed out by other kids. And no, I'm not blaming anything in my life on my childhood or others. It is a realization that came to me sometime back that actually helped me put it all to rest.

The bright red hair I had became a source of discomfort and torment. Although the 'old women' always thought it was cute. My thin and gangly body that really was not athletic despite my best efforts added to the discomfort of growing up.

One could probably say that I developed very thin skin over those years. It also was the excuse I used for not enjoying so many of those years in my youth. Wasted time, wasted opportunity as I look back on it. I only have myself to point at for those years gone by. But when the day came that I let it go, that I became "comfortable in my own skin" was the day that life changed.

We each can become comfortable by better understanding ourself. The more you understand why you react, why you feel, why you are who you are, then the comfort begins to take over. I guess a lot of that really causes one to become more self-confident which then brings on the comfort.

In Psychology Today there is an article by Barton Goldsmith that provides ten steps to help you build that confidence. And as I say, you can read these articles over and over, but until you start moving or actually doing these things, nothing will change.

Today I still have tendencies to be shy and lacking confidence, but I have also learned to recognize these things. And in knowing that, I can quickly work to overcome them so that I never miss another day to enjoy. Become comfortable with who you are and enjoy each of your days as well.

Opposite Direction

"Goals allow you to control the direction of change in your favor." ~Brian Tracy

The morning commute to Heathrow Airport was supposed to be uneventful. I was getting up early, a walk to the train station and then settle in at the airport lounge. My goal was to get to the airport for my flight home to Atlanta.

As I entered the Swiss Cottage underground station, I began to realize this wasn't going to be uneventful. Yes, the picture shown at the link is the entrance I used everyday. The platform was filled with people heading towards work and the Jubilee Line was running slow this morning. The first train arrived and was packed to the point of people oozing out at the door seams.

A few got off, a few squeezed on, I didn't even attempt it because I was carrying luggage. A second train arrives and it is full, no where to get on. But I had a goal in mind and made a decision to head northbound to the Finchley station, grab the Metropolitan down to Baker Street and then the Hammersmith Line to the southwest.

The best laid plans went awry when even the Metropolitan was quite busy. No room on board for a lad with luggage. So I decided to take the Metropolitan even further north. I ended up at the Wembley Station; yes, the one next to Wembley Stadium from where I could see the tall arch rising over the stadium.

This particular station was a stop for the Jubilee line as well, so I awaited a train. It had plenty of room so I settled in knowing it would get crowded and knowing I had already lost 45 minutes going the wrong way towards my goal. But sometimes that is what one must do in pursuit of a goal.

The straight and short path is not always going to be available to you. Sometimes you are going to have to go in a different direction to get where you want to be. The path you WANT to take may not be the path you HAVE to take. But if you are patient and persevere, knowing full well what your goal is, then ANY path will finally get you to where you want to be.

For me, my goal was to get to the airport, relax, board my plane and return home to my wonderful wife Laura. After being gone for nearly two weeks, the goal couldn't be any greater then to reunite with her.

Understand what your goal is and find a path that will lead you to it. Even if the path appears headed in a different direction, knowing your goal, the path will lead you to it.

Early Morning Drink

Photographer Jack Delano, January 1943

"Carry out a random act of kindness, with no expectation of reward, safe in the knowledge that one day someone might do the same for you." ~Princess Diana

My last full day in London was upon me as well as a train ride out to one of our company offices to the west. It was a chilly but sunlit filled day as I entered the Underground Tube station. The train system is quite good with the occassional slow downs and outages.

This train ride was going to take two changes and the route was all mapped out in my mind. On my first switch, I waited as the train slowed and as the doors opened, two seats were immediately available. One next to a young woman and the other next to a sleeping man. With another young lady getting on behind me, the gentleman in me felt best to take the seat next to our sleeping friend.

Quickly enough I was able to tell that this sleeping man was asleep for a reason. A slight smell of alchohol was evident and sleep was his dearest companion for the moment. As we made our stops at the various stations, most everyone got off the train. Soon he and I were the only two sitting next to each other at one end of a train car.

As the train moved further down the track, the bright morning sun came shining through the window across from us. A high intensity of sunbeams shining onto our faces, which brought our sleeping friend from his quiet slumber. He shifted a bit, reached into his coat pocket and pulled a fifth of something and removed the screw cap. A sly lift and swig from his bottle seemed to light up his eyes.

He looked and offered his morning 'pick me up' to me. It was as if he were trying to be a gentleman amidst his blurry awakening. I turned down his kind gesture and commented to him that it looked like a long day awaited him. He smiled and shook his bottle a bit and said, "this will shorten the day." The train neared the platform and I gave a smile and wished him a good day. In return he wished me the same as he picked up his bag and disappeared into the crowd.

There had been others on the train giving this man a cross eye. I myself could have moved away further from him. But maybe a kind exchange with a stranger is what this man needed. It is hard to say what will become of him, but the last thing I know he encountered was kindness from me. Kindness instead of a cold and angry look of disdain that could harden his resolve that gives him a reason to drink.

Then again, shouldn't all of our exchanges with others be ones of kindness. Doing so without judgement if possible, doing so with the belief that it can make a difference in another persons life. Knowing that the last exchange they had with a person that you know of (you) was a pleasant one.

Take time to add a little kindness to your day by spreading it to others. It might be you on the receiving end one day when you need it most.

Each Battle

"Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle." ~Plato

The crowds each day in large city can seem overwhelming at first. All are trying to get to work, going through the transit stations, or walking down the streets to their individual office. After a while, you get used to it and start to blend in with the flow.

The interesting part is that it can seem like a battle of sorts. One large group headed up the stairs and another headed down. Bunches of people coming to this side of the street while many more head over to the other side. Elevators crammed full of people and the coffee shops a mad crush of controlled chaos all add to the scene.

And while this really is not a battle of people, each person inside probably has some type of battle they are confronting. It could be relationships, money or health issues. There might be problems with their boss or a relative. Legal or tax problems might be dogging their life. A child might be going through a rough period or their marriage is troublesome. So many battles, so many issues that anyone of us could be dealing with.

So maybe as we go about our day, knowing that others have battles as well, smiling or spreading a bit of kindness is in order. For a brief moment in your battle, a smile to lighten the day. A kind gesture can provide a bit of relief that could change the course of that person's inner battle. It can even change you.