Memories

"Things that were hard to bear are sweet to remember." ~Seneca

There are three dates that cling in my memory like many others.

20 Oct 1989

14 Oct 2008

04 Jan 2011

These dates mark the passing of a sister, a mother and most recently a brother. Each of them were mournful and hard just like the ones you have or may have to go through. But each of them also were and remain a celebration of the lives that they lived.

I remember the days of large family picnics where our large family got together with cousins and aunts and uncles. It seemed in those days everyone had large families. So the gatherings were large and wild and tiring and ... yes, I have some fond memories of those events.

I remember our own family gathered whether it be at a picnic table or at the dinner table. All of us together, even with the childhood bickering that could happen, I still relish those memories. The gathering of our family was always an event in my mind. It solidified who we were as a family. It made us a family.

After a day of flowers and cards, sweet chocolates and kisses, I'm reminded of the love and great time with those that have gone before me. It brings a smile to my face to remember each of them. It brings a smile to my face believing that the three are together with others at a large picnic. It brings a smile to my face knowing they are peacefully in my mind.

You have the ability to create memories that are lasting and loving. We create them each and every day. It does not happen just on Valentines Day. It happens each morning when you kiss your loved ones before heading out to work. It happens when you hug your kids when you see them. It happens when you sit down to a meal.

Memories are stored inside each of us, meant to be brought out as a reminder of the love we have and have been given. Yes, the bad memories do exist but are overpowered by the loving ones. Create memories for your life and in the lives of others.

Dean Martin sang a song called "Memories Are Made Of This" that is a nice reminder. Enjoy and then make some memories to be cherished and remembered for a very long time.

Love Is

One of the greatest love poems in the history of human existence. It actually comes from the Bible (1 Corinthians 13) and is often referred to as the love poem.

If I speak in the tongues of men or of angels, but do not have love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal.

If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but do not have love, I am nothing.

If I give all I possess to the poor and give over my body to hardship that I may boast, but do not have love, I gain nothing.

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud.

It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.

Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth.

It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away.

For we know in part and we prophesy in part, but when completeness comes, what is in part disappears.

When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put the ways of childhood behind me.

For now we see only a reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known.

And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.

Have a happy and loving Valentines day everyone. And a very special Happy Birthday to my daughter Shirin. Happy Birthday Momma Fletcher.

Face to Face

"Pity may represent little more than the impersonal concern which prompts the mailing of a check, but true sympathy is the personal concern which demands the giving of one's soul.." ~Martin Luther King, Jr

Main Entry: impersonal
Part of Speech: adjective
Definition: cold, unfriendly
Synonyms: abstract, bureaucratic, businesslike, candid, cold turkey, cold-blooded, colorless, cool, detached, disinterested, dispassionate, emotionless, equal, equitable, fair, formal, impartial, indifferent, inhuman, neutral, nondiscriminatory, objective, poker-faced, remote, straight, strictly business, unbiased, uncolored, unpassioned

Every day it seems that our lives become much more impersonal with the use of email and social networks. The idea of a face-to-face conversation even is terrifying to some people. We walk around all day looking at our Blackberry or sit at dinner playing with our iPhone. I am certainly one that has to work at setting those devices down and simply talking.

An example of the impersonal nature of life comes in the form of our housing mortgage problems. Yes, you can say that many lenders and borrowers were like 'drunken sailors on shore leave' (apologies to the Navy for using this euphemism).

Everyone was lending money, everyone was borrowing money and much of it outside of their means. And when things turned sour in the economy, the worst of these were first to go. But then the people that had qualified, were making payments, were doing everything right lost a piece of the American dream.

Their hours were reduced, many lost jobs due to the economic downturn and many started to do what they could to uphold their end of the deal. The banks, the mortgage lenders, the money side of this equation started feeling the pinch as well. They were looking for any means to shore up their losses and clean up their books. So many started calling in these loans.

Now I'm over simplifying but on the surface, the cards started to fall all around many people. The worst part of it was the impersonal nature in how it was done. The form letters informing people that they were 'seriously' in arrears. The increasingly tough letters to back people up against the wall. Take it or leave it deals.

All the while, a friendly ending to each saying thank you for your attention to this matter. They even provided phone numbers that when you called would proclaim, "we value your business." All very impersonal, all very stale and no one that you could speak with face-to-face.

Now my wife and I have never fallen into this situation. But the stories we have heard, the stories we have read tell a tale of people just trying to do what is right. But those same people were getting a cold, stale look in return.

Yes, again there are those that over borrowed, those that tried to take advantage of the system. But many were just trying to achieve their dreams. And it is the impersonal nature in which lenders and mortgage holders reacted that contributed as well.

To sit down in front of someone, face-to-face and have a discussion about a situation goes much further. Tension can be the beginning, but once two people look each other in the eye, the healing begins. When you put down the phone, when you stop typing those emails, and talk; things begin to get accomplished.

All of the gadgets we have in life are fantastic and do a lot of great things for our lives. But the most important thing in life is two or more people gathered. Talking to each other, sharing a meal, sharing their lives with each other.

Think about it and then have a face-to-face conversation with someone.

My Attitude

"We awaken in others the same attitude of mind we hold toward them." ~Elbert Hubbard

What is attitude and how does it relate to you and others?

To me it is a core component of not only one's work but is an essential part of one's life. There are people that go through life constantly battling the belief that, "..if only others would treat me more nicely, then I could have a more positive attitude." These people always believe that others are the reason for their misery. And since others are to blame for their feeling this way, then they justify treating others just as poorly. It is an easy way not to take responsibility for your own actions.

I myself would never say it is easy to maintain a great attitude. My drive into work each day leads me to a freeway and lots of merging cars and people including myself that should have left 5 minutes earlier. Road tension can be high especially when you couple that with a general belief that your own driving skill is better then that of anyone else. There is plenty of opportunity for someone to purposely or inadvertently cut you off or send you a signal.

But how do you let it effect you?

Early in the morning, on the way to work, are you willing to let that other person set the tone of the day for you? Many people do and it isn't just the checkout person in the big discount store that allows it to effect themselves. It is also the person taking service calls over the phone, the bank teller handling your money and yes, the CEO on his or her way to an important meeting.

Attitude is a choice and your life can be changed by changing your attitude. Norman Vincent Peale said, "human beings can alter their lives by altering their attitudes." It can and does change lives. It can start on that morning drive to work. Try it some time when somebody 'wrongs' you on the road. Just smile and keep your hands firmly on the steering wheel. You may be surprised how it changes your day.