Remembering What Was Important

"Let us be grateful to people who make us happy, they are the charming gardeners who make our souls blossom." - Marcel Proust

Are there only a few days each year which we save the day for remembering what was important to us? Valentine’s Day and the expression of love. Easter signaling hope in our lives. Thanksgiving where we give gratitude for what we've been given. Christmas with hew birth of kindness and joy.

Yet we lose sight of these important aspects of life, love and relationships during the "in-between" days. The daily work week where we are grinding out our daily living is where these life values are most important.

It becomes easy to tire of picking up and tossing aside those stones of irritation and disappointment. In our relationships with those closest to us, this can have a harmful impact. It begins to build a wall between two people. Waves of discord flow out to those around you and creates an even thicker wall of separation.

Perfection of the other is never achievable.

Perfection of expectant imperfection is achievable.

And this is all very easy correct? No, not really because it means changing yourself and accepting things you may not have originally thought possible. It also means working with the other half of the relationship in such a way which allows them to change.

We do this not by changing the other person.

We do this by giving them the room to change.

Research articles on relationships, especially in marriage have shown that marital virtues improve communication of couples and have a positive impact on the relationship. All types of relationships need critical thinking AND curiosity to be expressed. They need sparks of creativity and zest. They need social intelligence where each individual is aware of one another’s feelings and responds appropriately.

Many times it helps to "Go with the Good That Already Exists."

To never forget what first drew the two of you together.

Yet the relationship road can be bumpy for all of us. And that is normal. You are not the only ones going through this despite all you might think or see in other peoples lives. All of us have to work at it to be successful.

So what can you do?

Researchers say there are ten basic factors to consider in your relationship. These are good guidelines to help you work through the days in-between the holidays.

1. You and your partner are on the same page in terms of your basic values and life goals. You both know what you want out of life, what your common goals are, what you wish to accomplish in life, and are firmly committed to achieving these together.

2. There is a strong sense of trust between you. You openly discuss everything---the good, the bad, and the ugly. There is no hidden agenda and no secrets from your past.

3. You keep your own identity within the relationship and so does your partner. This is so vital. Marriage may be a large piece of the whole pie that identifies who you are. But above all, you’re still who you are as an individual beyond your various roles in life.

4. You spend quality time together doing things that are mutually fulfilling as well as quality time apart doing what is important to you individually.

5. You encourage each other to grow and change. In other words, you inspire each other to be a better person.

6. You and your partner feel safe communicating personal needs and wants. Time is set aside to discuss issues relevant to you as a couple or each of you individually. Listening carefully with undivided attention is essential to real understanding.

7. You respect each other's differences even if you disagree on important issues. And you are able to turn your differences into fair compromise.

8. You share realistic expectations for the relationship, not what you wish or fantasize it should be. Remember that you’re dealing with another extraordinarily complex individual in addition to yourself. There’s enough to work with without pursuing unrealistic ideals.

9. Each of you contributes your fair share to the relationship, whatever that happens to be. Each partner brings their best strengths and abilities for the benefit of the “team."

10. You and your partner honor each other’s family ties and friendships. While it’s important to set aside time for family and friends it’s also important to maintain healthy boundaries between you and your partner as a unit apart from other close relationships.

A last thought provided by the researchers are that caring, kindness, support, encouragement, and empathy are the watchwords of a good and loving relationship. There is simply no room for rudeness, meanness, jealousy, insulting, degrading, blaming, guilting, criticizing, judging, or physically acting out, especially when the object is one's partner. Those boundaries cannot be crossed.

There are always going to be stones, pebbles and sometimes some really big rocks that get in the way of your relationship. Keep working at it and always remember what was important about the two of you.

Stay inspired my friends.

Useless or Important Stuff

"From the time we're born until we die, we're kept busy with artificial stuff that isn't important." - Tom Ford

I have many of the normal excuses you might have for doing something else instead of a needed task.

... was busy with a lot of important paperwork.
... the world was clearly going to end without it.
... was the only one on earth capable of doing it.

There are a lot of things we do each and every single day. Sometimes I simply get busy with the actual work I do each day for a job. I am sure that you are also very busy every day with the work you do.

Do we pile a lot of non-useful stuff onto the pile of important things?

I probably do because I am one of those self-proclaimed multi-tasking people. I find things to do which fill in and mix with the important stuff. During a slow work week, it can be very useful. But when busy, I do have a hard time cutting back and focusing on single tasks.

Heck, if I'm not working composing a document; tweeting every once in a while; checking email; working on a second project; all at the same time while ensuring my coffee cup is full - then I just don't feel I'm getting anything done.

Experts say the important work suffers in quality when we try to multi-task.

For me, quality suffers when I become single task oriented. I can become very bored with a single task but doing multiple things keeps me interested in the individual tasks. It is also my own type of creative process.

Creative process you might ask?

We may not all be artists in the strict definition of the word. But each of us use some level of creativity in most everything we do. The creation of a business proposal, creation of a meal at home, creation of a successful work shift; you probably get the idea.

Regardless of single tasking or multi-tasking, we tend to create artificial needs and the important stuff gets lost many times in busy life? It is of course relative to you and those around you. One persons "important" stuff is another persons "artificial" stuff. You have to decide what works in life and for those that surround your life (ie; spouse, family, friends).

You have to decide what can be tossed to make room for the important.

All of this sounds like setting priorities in ones life. Well it sort of is and don't be surprised if others judge you based upon your priorities. Use common sense and adjust according to you and (again) those in your life.

Some people thrive in a very busy, multi-tasking world.
Some people thrive in a more singular task type of world.

Neither is better than the other. Neither is the right choice for everyone. You have to figure out which one best fits you. From there, achieving things becomes easier, on your terms, with your style.

Useless stuff can be important, it just depends upon you.

Stay inspired my friends!