Sylvia Alter

"Death leaves a heartache no one can heal, love leaves a memory no one can steal." -Irish saying

I begin this week with a story of loss. It is a story that many people go through daily, but each has impact on an individual basis. It impacts people when you may not even realize it. The person down the hall at work, the lady at the grocery check out, or the driver in front of you on the freeway.

Each of them and so many others are impacted by the death of someone close. I am one of those in that I lost my Aunt Sylvia. Her children, Diana and Rick along with grand children, relatives, friends and many others are feeling a loss today. Each of them are experiencing a void in their life.

My Aunt Sylvia lived in Sioux City, Iowa; often referred to as Siouxland. It is a place that marks the general area that my American ancestors lived, worked and played. Aunt Sylvia called it home and it is where her children were born and raised. The place where a home was created and all that knew her felt the love which embodied her.

Like my own mother, Aunt Sylvia was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer. Time would not be on her side and it took her rather quickly. We can each empathize with family. But it did give them a chance to grab hold of those remaining days. It allowed them to create some final memories filled with love, forgiveness and hope.

My sympathies go out to her family, my prayers go out to them and for Aunt Sylvia. My happiness for her now is undeniable, her place is happy and filled with love. No pain, no sorrow, no worry is her reward. She can look peacefuly down upon all of us and smile.

When the time of her passing and funeral begin to fade away, the loving memories of her will grow. I know it, I believe and I live it each day with the passing of my mother. Be assured that those memories will fill you with greater love and the pain will ease away.

We love you Aunt Sylvia; always have and always will. Thank you for having been in my life.

One of Milt’s Signs

The following is a reprinted article from my book CHANGED LIVES. Many people had already figured out that the "John" in the story was actually an older brother of mine.

John passed away on Tuesday, January 4th at his home in Wyoming. It is never easy especially when one doesn't have the chance to say goodbye. But John would have told me to shrug off the sorrow and get on with it.  That much I will do and in memory of him, here is his short story of change.

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I graduated high school in a small rural eastern Nebraska town with very little knowledge of the "world" and could not wait to escape the confines of what I viewed as an oppressive environment. I believe in those days that I had a failure complex and felt that everybody and everything in life was slanted against me. I was constantly fighting the system and trying to prove I was right and all else wrong.

That in itself was bad enough, but it was somewhat harmless except for people's perception of me, which at that age is not much of a concern. What happened after high school was personally disastrous to my life and many around me for too many years.

I entered the Army at age eighteen and left it at twenty-one, a much changed person, a change that left many relationships with friends and family in ruins. I could cover all the gory details and recount the particulars, but I prefer to just say I was a miserable failure for quite a few years and blamed everyone around me for my troubles.

I had reached a point where most of the people in my life either disassociated themselves from me, or hoped I would leave them alone. I can't tell you how many actually put up with me and helped me limp along while trying to find my way to a better life.

During that period, I never recognized what I was like or the efforts it took for people to tolerate me. To make a long story even longer, seven years after graduation I was about one to two inches from the bottom of the barrel. I was penniless, close to homeless and not seeing any real chances of improving the situation.

I was looking for a job anywhere with no luck, moving from bit work to hand outs for helping on daily labor, when I walked by a clothing store with a help wanted sign in the window. There I was, fully confident that the outcome of me going in and applying would be the typical 'thanks but no thanks'.

I turned to walk away when a gentleman smoking a cigarette in a little cigarette holder asked if I was looking at the help wanted sign. I replied that I was but knew I probably couldn't get that kind of job. That's when the gentleman who was Milt Harm, manager of the store introduced himself and invited me in to "just talk".

Well, though I didn't know it at the time, this man was my savior. He sat me down and asked about me about myself. Well let me tell you that was a tough conversation, I tried to highlight only the positive experiences and jobs but found that on paper, it would resemble Swiss cheese. Old Milt was pretty wise and must have figured me out right away. He asked if I would like a temporary job and I accepted.

Life working for Milt ended up being very similar to life with my own father. If I didn't know better, I could have sworn he would call my father every now and then to see what he could make me do next. Milt worked me twelve hours a day and along the way taught me the value of hard work, respect for others, professionalism, respect for myself, responsibility, honesty, and a few other characteristics that are important in life.

I didn't have time to party anymore, he rented me an apartment above the store and that helped to semi-domesticate me, and gave me a new found desire to make others happy. That job, that ‘Man’ helped my life take an immediate turn and I remember him as a surrogate father to this day.

I do want to mention that much of the things Milt did to me and for me was close to exactly what my father tried to teach us all in our youth, I just wasn't listening at the time. I’m listening now and life has changed for the better.

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I'll miss you John. Heck, we'll all miss you. But in ways you may not have realized, you taught me things that are very tangible in my life. You leave behind a wife, son and daughters that do love you. You leave behind a father, sister and brothers that love you.

You leave behind many things, but you have entered a great new forever. All I ask of you is to give Mom and our sister Patty a big hug. One day we will all be together again and have a picnic.