"No my friend, darkness is not everywhere, for here and there I find faces illuminated from within; paper lanterns among the dark trees." -Carol Borges
During the holidays, loneliness can be a very oppressive feeling for people. Be it circumstance, due to death of a close one or miles of separation; the feeling is real and hard to cope with.
“There’s so much hype for this wonderful time of togetherness,” said Elaine Rodino, Ph.D., a clinical psychologist in Santa Monica, Calif., “that it accentuates the feeling of being alone and disconnected.” And even more, “Many people try to make the holidays be more than what they are,” said Craig Ellison, Ph.D., “They invest in them heavily, thinking they’ll make up for the other 364 days of the year,” he said.
How to cope or how to change these feelings? No easy answers but the following items may help you. It comes from the About.Com, written by Elizabeth Scott.
- Be Good To Yourself
This can not completely rid those feelings of loneliness, but taking special care of yourself can help you to feel better and enjoy your solitude more. Take the time to do things that will enhance your self esteem. Give your self good level of fun that can help lift your spirits.
- Understand That You’re Not Alone
While you may be feeling alone in your life right now, knowing that the holidays can be a lonely time for many people may help you to feel less so. While it may be uncomfortable to feel lonely, it’s also okay to feel this way.
- Rethink Your Expectations
Part of why holidays feel more lonely for many people is that our society has high expectations for this time of year. The absence of Realize that few people’s lifestyles truly measure up to “movie standards” of perfect living, and shift your focus to all the great things you do have in your life.
- Get Connected
It is possible to feel lonely when surrounded by people, but it’s harder to feel lonely when you’re reaching out to them. Whether you’re saying hello to neighbors you’re usually too rushed to acknowledge, exchanging friendly words with people at the office, or picking up the phone and calling an old friend you haven’t spoken to in a while, reaching out to people and strengthening bonds can help you feel more connected and less lonely.
- Give To Others
One excellent way to feel less lonely during the holidays is to donate your time to a cause you believe in. Helping others who are less fortunate than you can fill you with feelings of love and pride, and even connect you with others who share your passion. You’ll be part of something larger than yourself, and you’ll be immersing yourself in the true spirit of the holiday season.
- Examine Your Feelings
This one probably won’t make you feel better immediately, but if you feel lonely much of the time, this may be a cue that some changes are in order for the coming year. You may want to examine what’s behind your feelings of loneliness. Would you benefit from putting more time into your social life so that you have stronger relationships? Is something inside of you causing you to keep people a t a distance? If you’d like to deepen your friendships, it can cost a little extra time and energy, but the payoff is having increased support and feelings of being heard and understood. Making time for friends, truly listening when your friends talk, and being there for them are all ways to build supportive friendships.
There are many great articles for you to read but it all comes from within. Change and movement will give you a path to embark upon. It will take you away from the loneliness towards something more for your life. For others, sharing a smile or a friendly conversation can be just the thing that person needs. Know that everyone you touch may be in just this type of situation. Extending a small amount of kindness can be the key to setting them on a better path.
Greet the holidays with kindness and greet those around you. Impact the lives of others and your life will be impacted as well.
Thursday, December 20, 2007
Wednesday, December 19, 2007
Overcoming Again
Benjamin Franklin left us with many great things that have survived and remain relevant even today. Many see him as one born into greatness and a life of ease. But this is far from the truth of the obstacles he had to overcome.
One of the things he did was serving as an apprentice in a print shop to his older brother. Now you have to understand the time and place this occurred. This would be in Boston back in 1718 and was basically indentured to perform the menial tasks while learning the trade. His brother was much older and would take out his frustrations on Benjamin by beating him.
Benjamin persevered and was able to see that there was another way. During these times it would mean trying to gain his freedom from his apprenticeship only to find that no one would hire him as his brother had put the word out. So it was through various means he set off for New York, nearly penniless and no letter of recommendation in order to get hired.
To read about his obstacles or ‘rocks within his wagon’ is quite astounding to read. But I will not say that his trials and tribulations were any more then what someone else may have endured. As I’ve said before, tell me your sad story and I’ll tell you a hundred sadder stories.
As I read on Franklin though, he didn’t let these issues deter him or lessen his enthusiasm to better himself in life. Much like you need to do in life, continue with a positive attitude to overcome whatever confronts you.
Benjamin Franklin said when writing his autobiography, “as I reflect on my current happiness, I can honestly say that if I were given the opportunity to live my life over again from the beginning I would do so.” He goes on to say that he would like to correct certain things in life...but knowing if he could not he goes on to say, “nonetheless, even if both requests were denied, I would still accept the offer.”
Make what you can of life in such a manner so that you can say without pause that you would accept the offer to live it all over again.
One of the things he did was serving as an apprentice in a print shop to his older brother. Now you have to understand the time and place this occurred. This would be in Boston back in 1718 and was basically indentured to perform the menial tasks while learning the trade. His brother was much older and would take out his frustrations on Benjamin by beating him.
Benjamin persevered and was able to see that there was another way. During these times it would mean trying to gain his freedom from his apprenticeship only to find that no one would hire him as his brother had put the word out. So it was through various means he set off for New York, nearly penniless and no letter of recommendation in order to get hired.
To read about his obstacles or ‘rocks within his wagon’ is quite astounding to read. But I will not say that his trials and tribulations were any more then what someone else may have endured. As I’ve said before, tell me your sad story and I’ll tell you a hundred sadder stories.
As I read on Franklin though, he didn’t let these issues deter him or lessen his enthusiasm to better himself in life. Much like you need to do in life, continue with a positive attitude to overcome whatever confronts you.
Benjamin Franklin said when writing his autobiography, “as I reflect on my current happiness, I can honestly say that if I were given the opportunity to live my life over again from the beginning I would do so.” He goes on to say that he would like to correct certain things in life...but knowing if he could not he goes on to say, “nonetheless, even if both requests were denied, I would still accept the offer.”
Make what you can of life in such a manner so that you can say without pause that you would accept the offer to live it all over again.
Tuesday, December 18, 2007
Believe In Your Self
"People become really quite remarkable when they start thinking that they can do things. When they believe in themselves they have the first secret of success." -Norman Vincent Peale
Take advantage of the good will and good feelings of the holiday season. Let those feelings build your own confidence to strengthen in your heart that you can do great things. Let the overwhelming thoughts embolden you as the new year approaches. You can do great things, it all starts with believing in your self.
Take advantage of the good will and good feelings of the holiday season. Let those feelings build your own confidence to strengthen in your heart that you can do great things. Let the overwhelming thoughts embolden you as the new year approaches. You can do great things, it all starts with believing in your self.
Friday, December 14, 2007
Holiday Stress
“You need to find something that can buffer holiday stress ...and allow down time to self preserve. People need time to just chill, relax and enjoy each other.” -Susan Fletcher
Keep It Simple - if you watch any track and field sports, the high jumper does not start with the highest bar. They work themselves up from a less loftier pursuit. The same goes for us, if we set a bar so terribly high and fail to meet it will cause us to fall much further. Keep expectations reasonable, keep preparations simple so you will be less tired or in debt. It is said, "the holiday spirit is not about cooking the perfect meal or buying the perfect presents."
If buying gifts and getting everything perfect with those gifts is a source of stress, try one or more of the following:
* Shop from home using mail-order catalogs.
* Shop early or shop a little bit at a time.
* Set a time limit for holiday gift buying.
* Choose simple gifts.
* Treat Yourself Right
Be kind to yourself and allow some time for doing what you enjoy doing. Limit your alcohol and rich foods intake. Also, try to get your usual amount of sleep.
Start Your Own Traditions - growing up you probably had certain traditions for the holidays. But now those same traditions are not possible and they tug at your heart. Well start your own traditions that include those around or near you. New idea and traditions can also become just as cherished as the older ones are.
Acknowledge Losses - for many people, a loved one has passed on or a love has been lost. You can acknowledge the loss in simple ways. Maybe looking through a photo album or just reminiscing. Try to establish some new traditions for the holidays while holding on to parts of the old. The
Watch Out For Family Strife - let it go, it is not necessary to bring up old grievances. The holidays are not a good time for resolving family disputes or confronting relatives. If it does happen, just agree on a time after the holidays to work them out. Emotions will be much better under control and the holidays are about being together and not fighting each other.
Be A Volunteer - involve yourself with the local food pantry or homeless shelter to assist during the season. It will place you around others and you will meet new people. Giving of yourself fills you more than you would think.
Do Something After The Holidays - after all is said and done, the torn wrappings are in the trash, the eggnog is gone and hangovers relieved, do a few activities that are non-holiday in nature. A short trip to the museum, coffee with a friend or a walk through the nature center. Do something that you can look forward to and will help transition you into non-holiday mode.
Enjoy the holidays, don't make this the "one" that has to be perfect...there are many more of them. Just relax, be with family and friends and let the holidays just happen.
Keep It Simple - if you watch any track and field sports, the high jumper does not start with the highest bar. They work themselves up from a less loftier pursuit. The same goes for us, if we set a bar so terribly high and fail to meet it will cause us to fall much further. Keep expectations reasonable, keep preparations simple so you will be less tired or in debt. It is said, "the holiday spirit is not about cooking the perfect meal or buying the perfect presents."
If buying gifts and getting everything perfect with those gifts is a source of stress, try one or more of the following:
* Shop from home using mail-order catalogs.
* Shop early or shop a little bit at a time.
* Set a time limit for holiday gift buying.
* Choose simple gifts.
* Treat Yourself Right
Be kind to yourself and allow some time for doing what you enjoy doing. Limit your alcohol and rich foods intake. Also, try to get your usual amount of sleep.
Start Your Own Traditions - growing up you probably had certain traditions for the holidays. But now those same traditions are not possible and they tug at your heart. Well start your own traditions that include those around or near you. New idea and traditions can also become just as cherished as the older ones are.
Acknowledge Losses - for many people, a loved one has passed on or a love has been lost. You can acknowledge the loss in simple ways. Maybe looking through a photo album or just reminiscing. Try to establish some new traditions for the holidays while holding on to parts of the old. The
Watch Out For Family Strife - let it go, it is not necessary to bring up old grievances. The holidays are not a good time for resolving family disputes or confronting relatives. If it does happen, just agree on a time after the holidays to work them out. Emotions will be much better under control and the holidays are about being together and not fighting each other.
Be A Volunteer - involve yourself with the local food pantry or homeless shelter to assist during the season. It will place you around others and you will meet new people. Giving of yourself fills you more than you would think.
Do Something After The Holidays - after all is said and done, the torn wrappings are in the trash, the eggnog is gone and hangovers relieved, do a few activities that are non-holiday in nature. A short trip to the museum, coffee with a friend or a walk through the nature center. Do something that you can look forward to and will help transition you into non-holiday mode.
Enjoy the holidays, don't make this the "one" that has to be perfect...there are many more of them. Just relax, be with family and friends and let the holidays just happen.
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