Help

"When you're drowning, you don't say 'I would be incredibly pleased if someone would have the foresight to notice me drowning and come and help me,' you just scream." ~John Lennon

I came across the above quote from John Lennon, part of the famed rock group The Beatles and found it an interesting view on life. Screaming through the pain tends to overwhelm our ability to ask for help.

I remember my own experience years ago. The pain of need is your sole focus. It can become so powerful that you forget to eat, sleep. In general it is the sole thing in your life that even blocks out your ability to ask for help.

My life was heading in a downward spiral and couldn't even see it happening. But other people did. Other people entered into my life and gave me focus to see that I did need help. I'm not ashamed to say that I read as much as I could and also sought professional advice.

The advice I sought was online as well as a few books. The advice I sought came from family, friends and professionals. The important thing that I wish to impart on you is to ask for the help. It isn't a sign of weakness, it is a sign of strength. Knowing your weaknesses will only give you new life to overcome anything.

The Beatles sang, "But now these days are gone, I'm not so self assured,
Now I find I've changed my mind and opened up the doors." You can open up more doors in your life by asking for the help you need when you need it.

Help is out there waiting for all of us. Ask for it when you can, others will step in when you can't.

Whom Is Pointing At Whom

"I was an accomplice in my own frustration." ~Peter Shaffer

Recently I was lucky enough to experience the woe that some call airplane travel that was compounded by bad weather. I travel out of Atlanta, Hartsfield-Jackson International Airport, which happens to be the worlds busiest airport. This means to get most anywhere in the United States, you probably will have to connect through this airport.

It also means that bad weather in other parts of the country can have a cascading effect upon travel out of Atlanta. This was the case just recently when bad winter storms and very cold weather in the Atlanta area slowed the whole kit and kaboodle to an agonizing delay.

In particular, my 7:05PM flight finally boarded at 10:00pm, left the gate at 11:00PM, got through the de-icing process by 11:30PM and made it to Seattle five hours and forty-five minutes later due to strong head winds. The bright side is that I would expect the return trip to only take four hours.

So during this delay, the airport concourse was filled with quite a few people. I normally wander off to the Delta SkyClub, but it was over-flowing and I didn't feel like standing in line to enter; being number fifty in line didn't bode well for me. So I sat at the 'new' gate we were to fly out of and watched people.

Its an amazing thing to see how people react in the varied ways. Some can be seen to sit back and let it all flow. Some are busy as a bee, trying to work the next deal, the next flight, to be in control of the uncontrollable. Others are mad as hell and aren't going to take it anymore.

These last people are the intriguing ones to me. I find in most cases that the anger comes from two basic things; frustration and anxiety. Frustrated by the situation which is out of their control. Anxiety over the delays, being tired and simply not knowing what to do.

One particular lady was very, very angry with the gate agent. As best I could tell she was off in a restaurant/store/bar on the concourse, believed this was the gate to come to, which it was originally, but failed to recognize it had changed.

Now I will state that the gate agent, the monitors and general posting of information seemed a bit confusing as it did change a fair amount. My gate alone changed three times. Alerts that should have gone out to cell phones and such didn't seem to be occurring. Many people complained of that, but I knew well enough to just stay informed as best I could. My angry lady didn't see it that way. Her frustration boiled over into a yelling tirade at the airline employees.

There is a lesson to be learned in customer service. Suffice to say that a calm, no worry demeanor in front of a frustrated customer can have a bad effect upon them. You can come off seeming not to care when all you are doing is trying to remain calm. Empathy can go a long way in these situations.

And this particular lady was having none of it. She was mad, she was tired, she was irritated and most of all, frustrated. She pointed all of her anger at one airline employee, the airline, the airport and I think anyone within ear-shot of her.

But while she was pointing that finger in the face of anyone standing in her view, could she not see the three fingers pointing back at her?

We have control over how we react in times such as these. Could we pay a little more attention to what is going on around us? Maybe our own actions have contributed to a situation that we now find ourselves in.

Sure, there are many things out of our control. But we can control how we respond. We can influence the situation with our own actions.

Remember that you are many times not the innocent bystander in a given situation. You have played a role in creating the predicament. But you can also play a role in resolving it.

Calm down, examine truthfully why you now believe you are in this situation and work to find some type of solution. Yelling and screaming typically yields little and is like a quick but very short lived sugar rush.

Take a look at what you can do to redirect your energy from being angry and frustrated. Direct that energy towards resolution and you'll see so much more get accomplished in your life.

Hello...Can You Hear Me?

"The single biggest problem in communication is the illusion that it has taken place." ~George Bernard Shaw

Hello out there, can anybody hear me? For that matter, am I listening to know if I can hear anybody out there?

Communication is such a key element of our life's journey. As I was researching for this article, I wanted to understand why often times communication between two people can seem to go so badly. In Merriam-Webster's dictionary, communication is defined as; a process by which information is exchanged between individuals through a common system of symbols, signs, or behavior.

So this would mean we relate to each other through the spoken word, the written word, hand gestures, body movement and also non-verbally. Each of these methods are varied in their application and delivery. They vary from culture to culture, city to city, and even family to family. We all have a learned concept of what communication is and means.

Ignoring those differences in what each of believe is "communication" leads to misunderstandings, arguments, divorce, lawsuits and even war. I certainly wouldn't leave out all of the other things that cause disagreements such as money, possessions, sex, or many other causes. But today we focus on communication.

Not being able to learn how to communicate with other people only increases your chances of having problems with those other people. Like a good or bad attitude, it really starts with you.

Are you willing to slow down and listen? This is probably one of the things I work on the most and most of us need to work on as well.

Think about the old toy you may have created as a child. Two tin cans connected by a long piece of string to create a Tin Can Phone. While it may seem like a silly example, it took cooperation on both ends to get it to work.

For one, both people had to ensure the string remained tight between the cans. If one person leaned in, the string would slacken and nothing could be heard.

Second, if both people started talking at the same time, nothing could be heard. Like a walkie-talkie, the communication is half-duplex, which means only one person can talk and the other has to listen.

Lastly, the person speaking has to speak clearly while the person listening really has to listen carefully. Remember that this is a tin can phone so the quality isn't very good.

But then again, most of our daily conversations with other people is like a tin can phone conversation. Too many times we are talking at the same time and not listening. Too many times we are not speaking clearly enough or in a way to make ourself understood. Too many times we are not cooperating with each other in this two-way conversation. And too many times we simply are not listening closely or with enough attention.

This is when communication breaks down.

So how do we improve our communication with each other then? I think you will find your answers in most everything I said above. There are no easy fixes because a list of "things to do" is not the only answer.

Practicing good communication skills is a start. More important though is learning to slow down and listen more carefully. This doesn't leave out the person talking because speaking clearly, writing, and gesturing are important as well.

Good communication starts with you. You can begin the steps to improve communication between yourself and others. Good communication is a skill that will help as you live the journey of your life....your best life.

Music the Smelly Way

"The discovery of song and the creation of musical instruments both owed their origin to a human impulse which lies much deeper than conscious intention:  the need for rhythm in life… the need is a deep one, transcending thought, and disregarded at our peril." ~Richard Baker

Today I'd like to direct your attention to my son's blog called Smelly Dog Music. It is a blog that takes you from one artist to the next like a potluck dinner filled with so many different tastes.

I must admit that I always thought I knew my music but he has done me one better for which I'm proud. Music has always meant a lot to me in my life and it appears that craze has blossomed in him.

The point I have about music is that it can add so much to your life. Don't be put off by the name of the website, Smelly Dog Music. Its safe, nothing to cringe or be afraid to look at. See it as an adventure for your mind, your soul, and your well being. It is another door to step through on your journey of life.

There is so much out there to learn and experience. Things that will guide you to a great life. Music is one of those guide posts along the way, luring you to your destination, motivating you to continue the journey.

Take a step through the door to Smelly Dog Music and see what new things you find. Pass along the music, the website, your thoughts to other people. Pretty soon, you may find others humming the same tune as you are.