Revenge or Forgiveness

"The only people with whom you should try to get even with are those who have helped you." -John E. Southard

Revenge

There you are, seven o'clock in the morning driving down the freeway to work. The traffic is thick with cars but bearable at this point. The next interchange comes and goes as you pass under the bridge. But here you are in the right hand lane and merging traffic is coming down the on-ramp.

You know the rules-of-the-road and those cars are supposed to yield to you. Yet that one guy in the fancy sports car has other plans. He darts across what is known as "the gore" and cuts in front of you. With every ounce of restraint, you keep from hand signaling your disapproval.

The problem becomes that now you are fixated on getting even with the perpetrator. Somehow you are going to find a way to get in front and cut him off; to teach him a driving lesson of course. The rest of your drive to work is miserable and filled with your anger. It even spills into the rest of your day at work.

It happens this way and in many different ways. We use our energy to get back at people whom we've decided did us wrong. The offense could have been real or perceived, but either way your mind is telling you to get back at them. As humans, we have a passion for revenge that is strong and many times it is overwhelming.

Our intuition regarding revenge can be twisted, conflicted, juvenile and many times dangerous. Revenge itself is a primitive response to anger, injury, or humiliation. In many ways, it is a misguided attempt to transform shame into pride.

To seek revenge reduces you to your worst self. It places you on the same level with those spiteful people we claim to abhor. Additionally, there are studies that have shown revenge increases stress and impairs health and immunity. In essence, revenge can do more harm to ourselves than what the perceived slight caused.

Forgiveness

Forgiveness is the greater act, the better choice in your life. Note that I said in "your life." The other person is unaware most of the time that they even inflicted pain upon you. No, forgiveness is about you and your ability to move on from the event.

The person in the other car may not understand that their actions are rude and potentially dangerous to others. We on the other hadn can not pretend to understand that we know what is going through the other person's mind. We can only understand and control ourselves. How we react and carry on from it is much more important.

So next time you get cut off in traffic, let it go and don't let it ruin your day. I understand and admit there are much worse things in life. There are examples of pain and hurt much, much larger than a perceived traffic offense. Those events will take more effort and work to get past. But the end result is to create forgiveness; forgive yourself and move on.

Your life is so much more than one of seeking revenge. Your life is about creating a great life and not being held back by the actions of others. Forgive and move on...and stay inspired my friends.

Sylvia Alter

"Death leaves a heartache no one can heal, love leaves a memory no one can steal." -Irish saying

I begin this week with a story of loss. It is a story that many people go through daily, but each has impact on an individual basis. It impacts people when you may not even realize it. The person down the hall at work, the lady at the grocery check out, or the driver in front of you on the freeway.

Each of them and so many others are impacted by the death of someone close. I am one of those in that I lost my Aunt Sylvia. Her children, Diana and Rick along with grand children, relatives, friends and many others are feeling a loss today. Each of them are experiencing a void in their life.

My Aunt Sylvia lived in Sioux City, Iowa; often referred to as Siouxland. It is a place that marks the general area that my American ancestors lived, worked and played. Aunt Sylvia called it home and it is where her children were born and raised. The place where a home was created and all that knew her felt the love which embodied her.

Like my own mother, Aunt Sylvia was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer. Time would not be on her side and it took her rather quickly. We can each empathize with family. But it did give them a chance to grab hold of those remaining days. It allowed them to create some final memories filled with love, forgiveness and hope.

My sympathies go out to her family, my prayers go out to them and for Aunt Sylvia. My happiness for her now is undeniable, her place is happy and filled with love. No pain, no sorrow, no worry is her reward. She can look peacefuly down upon all of us and smile.

When the time of her passing and funeral begin to fade away, the loving memories of her will grow. I know it, I believe and I live it each day with the passing of my mother. Be assured that those memories will fill you with greater love and the pain will ease away.

We love you Aunt Sylvia; always have and always will. Thank you for having been in my life.

Expressing Faith

"Faith has to do with things that are not seen and hope with things that are not at hand." -Thomas Aquinas

There we were in west central Portugal, visiting one of the sites at which a Marian apparition had occurred. This place, recognized by the Catholic Church, was built after three children reported seeing several times the Virgin Mary (reference your Bible) in a field called Cova da Iria. The place I refer to is called the Shrine of Our Lady of Fatima.

The town of Fatima is located about 90 miles north of Lisbon, Portugal. A small village of no other real historical significance is host to this wonderful religious shrine visited by millions each year. The complex is quite large and very inspirational to visit.

What was intriguing about our own visit was the way in which people displayed their spiritual faith. I learned that people will pilgrimage to this place when they have dire needs in their life. Situations such as disease, or problems regarding birth and some even regarding academic tests coming up. As they make their way, they do so to make promises to the Virgin Mary or God.

The making of the promise normally includes walking by foot hundreds of miles by foot. But many will also cross the sanctuary grounds to the sanctuary, and across its marble floors upon their knees. Yes, walking upon their knees, across the pebble-laced dirt paths, ashpalt courtyard, stone steps and floors. You can see the pain upon their face, in some cases the bleeding knees, all for the sake of their faith.

It had me wondering about the sanity of these people. What could possibly be going through their minds to believe in such a way? I than began to wonder how other people expressed their faith and how I myself express my own faith. Displays of faith are truly in the eyes of the beholder one could suppose. In the Bible it is written (Matthew 5:16) in which Jesus said "Let your light so shine before men, that they may see your good works, and glorify your Father which is in heaven."

To take that literally tells me that there are many different ways in which to show that faith. Various practices, that I won't go into detail here are;

• Jewish Kaparot
• Exorcism
• Shamanism
• Mormon Baptism of the Dead
• Islamic Niqab
• Jehovah’s Witnesses Refusal of Blood Transfusions

To those that express these customs or beliefs, the act of faith is quite normal. Is it any more strange that Catholics believe the communion sacrament (eating of the body of Christ and drinking of His blood, represented by small bread wafers and grape juice) is any less odd than the speaking of tongues in many Charismatic churches? Every religion has developed their own methods and means of expressing faith and belief in God.

Again, as written in Matthew 5:16, "Let your light so shine before men, that they may see your good works, and glorify your Father which is in heaven." So whether we are singing loudly in praise, laying on of hands, reciting scriptural passages over and over, or even walking on our knees; the way in which we practice our faith is a personal one. It is our learned way, right or wrong to the rest of the world, in which we connect with God.

We could certainly take this discussion off into some very deep theological paths. We could certainly discuss what we believe is non-scriptural or harmful. What I am really interested in discussing is that we are different in how we express our beliefs. In the finality of our own lives, our death becomes very personal with our God. The way in which we expressed our faith and belief in God will be accounted for at that time.

So express faith in your most honest and learned way possible. My hope is that by doing so we can each connect with God in such a way that makes life in the natural a deep and rewarding experience.

Anything But Ordinary

"I don't work at being ordinary." -Paul McCartney

As we go about our day, the tasks we perform can seem ordinary and repetitive. Each step or movement becomes "just something" we do.

It might be getting the kids off to school or picking up co-workers in your car pool that is the ordinary event. The report you produce each morning and pass along to your manager or how you say hello to those that pass your desk; each of these events, tasks or happenings can begin to seem dull and boring.

The reality is that everything you do is and can be "anything but ordinary."

The reality is that you are "anything but ordinary."

My comments are not meant to sound like a scene from the 1947 movie It's a Wonderful Life. A movie in which our hero George Bailey learns how life would have been different without him in it. There are lessons learned in the telling of that particular story.

What I am trying to say is that you are meant to be anything but ordinary in life. You certainly have a choice in life to be ordinary. You can get up and punch the clock, save for retirement, travel to see the Grand Canyon and then die peacefully. That is a choice you can certainly make.

The other choice is to turn what seem to be ordinary moments, tasks or events into extraordinary ones. Every morning when the kids are getting ready for school, you can make it an adventure for them. For every day of your car pool, there are ways to make the ride much more pleasant of which you have control of. A report run each morning can arrive early instead of five to ten minutes late. With every person passing by your desk, where it makes sense engage with more than the cursory hello.

Every thing you do in life can be more than ordinary. Every contact you make with another person can be more than ordinary.

I could go on naming so many things, so many "every day" things we do that can be turned from ordinary into extraordinary. But you are wise and intelligent; the choices are obvious to you.

Be anything but ordinary in life and stay inspired my friends.