To Say Sorry And Forgive - 25 Day Challenge

“People have to forgive. We don't have to like them, we don't have to be friends with them, we don't have to send them hearts in text messages, but we have to forgive them, to overlook, to forget. Because if we don't we are tying rocks to our feet, too much for our wings to carry!” ― C. JoyBell C.

Here we are in the final week leading up to Christmas. Our 25 Day Challenge is quickly coming to an end. A near month full of kindness or acts of just being nice. Each have only taken a few minutes and were easy to accomplish.

Today my challenge is for you to say sorry (you know who to) or forgive someone for what they've done.

This forgiveness refers to the actor (you) and not the act. And it begins with three steps.

1. Identify one person you are angry with.

This could be someone low on your list or the raging person at work making your life miserable. Yet by starting low on the list, you get a small example of how forgiveness works and feels. Then, begin to forgive.

2. Honestly examine your feelings.

Talk to others, your friends or other supportive people and get the anger out. Try to understand why you are angry and write your feelings down in a journal. This will help you get rid of the negativity. Then, begin to forgive.

3. Begin to forgive.

Now think of the person you are angry with in your mind and ask yourself, “What emotional reasons were there for this person to treat me poorly?” It is for these reasons you can have compassion. These are the reasons to forgive.

And know that if we've been hurt by another person, chances are we have hurt someone as well. After forgiving someone, it is now time to say "I'm sorry" for whatever we may have done to another.

Let me know how it went and stay inspired my friends!

Forgiving To Move On

“Forgiveness is the fragrance that the violet sheds on the heel that has crushed it.” ― Mark Twain

How do we move forward in life when you have been hurt or angered? All of us will go through life getting hurt or stung by the actions of another person. This can include all aspects whether it be money, love, physically or perception, it happens.

We may not even realize we are holding onto a grudge with someone.

These grudges can be large or small with many of them being over minor things. The large issues in life such as divorce, job loss or other major events are not the things I refer to here. They are the things we must deal with and eventually heal from.

But the small, minor things are those which constantly nag at us, keeping us from releasing ourselves into greatness.

How do you know you are holding a grudge though?

I have heard it said you know it when you go around all day having a mental argument with the other person or situation. You replay it over and over in your mind. And the odd thing is that the other person likely doesn't even know about the grievance.

This grudge can have a devastating impact on your life. It also has other draining effects upon you life such as;

Mental Drain: A grudge can become all-consuming by plotting revenge, replaying what happened to you over and over in your mind, feeling sorry for yourself about being cheated, etc.

Physical Drain: Anger can heighten physical stress, potentially contributing to heart disease, ulcers, and other health problems.

Block to Progress: As long as you nurse a grudge, you won't think about constructive solutions to the problem. Your grudge "blinds" you. Expressing your hurt and asking for an apology gives you practice in assertiveness.

(Source: Cope, Inc.)

An important thing you can do - offer forgiveness internally.

This doesn't mean walking up to the person and stating it. Doing so could cause an even bigger issue. No, the important thing is to resolve the issue internally. Write a note to them, seal the envelope and then burn it.

Allow yourself to let it go so that you can move on.

Doing so releases the other person (knowingly or unknowingly) from never being able to have a relationship at any level with you. It said that in forgiving another person, you remove them from a life sentence. As long as you hold a grudge against them, they will never be able to potentially bring opportunity or goodness into your life.

Holding a grudge prevents you from ever excepting anything from them.

Certainly, opportunity or goodness may never come from them, but opening yourself to the possibility is better then none at all. CS Lewis wrote, "Every one says forgiveness is a lovely idea, until they have something to forgive." I say push through and forgive.

Forgive and move on to a better life.

Stay inspired my friends!

Forgive and Move On

"I couldn't find anywhere, in any book I ever read, including the Bible, that said in order to forgive somebody, they had to ask for it or that they had to deserve it." - Andy Andrews

In an article written by Andy Andrews, he writes about having a forgiving spirit. "Forgiveness is the ultimate course in anger resolution. Everything I read said, "Forgive. Let it go." Forgiving someone is the ultimate gift to ourselves because, it effects us much more than it does them. Forgiveness IS anger resolution!"

As a matter of everyday life, as humans we tend to cling to old hurts and transgressions against us. There always seems to be that one nagging mental picture in our mind of someone that did something to or against us. The driver that cut us off in traffic, an old lover or a co-worker.

What happens is that these nagging thoughts prevent us from moving on. It holds us back and makes our load so much heavier. If we are holding onto olds hurts, we can not improve or allow ourselves to gain our life back and make it a better life.

So Andy suggests to sit down with a pen, piece of paper and ask yourself a few questions. Jot down names that come to mind and when done, ask yourself, "Is this a person I need to forgive or someone from whom I should ask forgiveness?"

He then provides some samples of questions (you can come up with your own) and reminds us that the quality of your answers is going to be determined by the quality of your questions.

• "What one decision would I make if I knew it would not fail?"
• "What one thing should I eliminate from my life as it holds me back from reaching my full potential?"
• "Am I on the path of something absolutely fantastic or something absolutely average?"
• "Am I running from something or to someone?"
• "What can I do to make better use of my time?"
• "What impossible thing am I believing right now and planning for?"
• "What is my most prevailing thought?"
• "What good thing have I previously committed myself to do that I've quit doing?"
• "Of the people I respect the most, what is it about them that earns my respect?"
• "What would a truly creative person do in my situation?"
• "What outside influences are causing me to be better or worse?"
• "What gifts, talents, or strengths do I have?"
• "I know I don't know the answer right now, but if I knew the answer, what would I say?"
• "What is one thing I can do for someone else who has no opportunity to repay me?"
• "Who do I need to forgive?"

Enable yourself to move on. Forgive yourself, forgive others and get on living your life. As Andy states, it is difficult to "fight an enemy that has a built a fort in your head."

Start your day with forgiveness, have a forgiving spirit. Stay inspired my friends.

Blow Thou Winter Wind

“The truth is, unless you let go, unless you forgive yourself, unless you forgive the situation, unless you realize that the situation is over, you cannot move forward.” ―Steve Maraboli

Only a few more days left in this year and for those in the northern hemisphere, winter's cold wind blows with a cold fierceness. It is a time when emotions can get the better of us. The lamentations of another year gone by can consume our thoughts of perceived failures.

It is easy to sit and question the wrongs we feel others may have exacted upon us. We can let past wrongs consume our future as the cold wind howls outside. Thoughts of how thankless and false love and friendship can be will creep into our minds. It seems as if all life is made up of human ingratitude.

We pull our coats tight in order to fight the winter winds. But the idea that people can be thankless is worse than the harshness of that same winter wind. We allow these thoughts to take over and debilitate us.

What should never be forgotten is that life is worth living. One should move forward, be happy, forgive and forget the failings of others. Forgive your own failings.

Shift your thinking and your world will shift for the better.

Blow, Blow, Thou Winter Wind
by William Shakespeare

Blow, blow, thou winter wind,
Thou art not so unkind
As man's ingratitude;
Thy tooth is not so keen
Because thou art not seen,
Although thy breath be rude.
Heigh-ho! sing heigh-ho! unto the green holly:
Most friendship is feigning, most loving mere folly:
Then, heigh-ho! the holly!
This life is most jolly.
Freeze, freeze, thou bitter sky,
Thou dost not bite so nigh
As benefits forgot:
Though thou the waters warp,
Thy sting is not so sharp
As friend remember'd not.
Heigh-ho! sing heigh-ho! unto the green holly:
Most friendship is feigning, most loving mere folly:
Then, heigh-ho! the holly!
This life is most jolly.

Stay inspired my friends!

Revenge or Forgiveness

"The only people with whom you should try to get even with are those who have helped you." -John E. Southard

Revenge

There you are, seven o'clock in the morning driving down the freeway to work. The traffic is thick with cars but bearable at this point. The next interchange comes and goes as you pass under the bridge. But here you are in the right hand lane and merging traffic is coming down the on-ramp.

You know the rules-of-the-road and those cars are supposed to yield to you. Yet that one guy in the fancy sports car has other plans. He darts across what is known as "the gore" and cuts in front of you. With every ounce of restraint, you keep from hand signaling your disapproval.

The problem becomes that now you are fixated on getting even with the perpetrator. Somehow you are going to find a way to get in front and cut him off; to teach him a driving lesson of course. The rest of your drive to work is miserable and filled with your anger. It even spills into the rest of your day at work.

It happens this way and in many different ways. We use our energy to get back at people whom we've decided did us wrong. The offense could have been real or perceived, but either way your mind is telling you to get back at them. As humans, we have a passion for revenge that is strong and many times it is overwhelming.

Our intuition regarding revenge can be twisted, conflicted, juvenile and many times dangerous. Revenge itself is a primitive response to anger, injury, or humiliation. In many ways, it is a misguided attempt to transform shame into pride.

To seek revenge reduces you to your worst self. It places you on the same level with those spiteful people we claim to abhor. Additionally, there are studies that have shown revenge increases stress and impairs health and immunity. In essence, revenge can do more harm to ourselves than what the perceived slight caused.

Forgiveness

Forgiveness is the greater act, the better choice in your life. Note that I said in "your life." The other person is unaware most of the time that they even inflicted pain upon you. No, forgiveness is about you and your ability to move on from the event.

The person in the other car may not understand that their actions are rude and potentially dangerous to others. We on the other hadn can not pretend to understand that we know what is going through the other person's mind. We can only understand and control ourselves. How we react and carry on from it is much more important.

So next time you get cut off in traffic, let it go and don't let it ruin your day. I understand and admit there are much worse things in life. There are examples of pain and hurt much, much larger than a perceived traffic offense. Those events will take more effort and work to get past. But the end result is to create forgiveness; forgive yourself and move on.

Your life is so much more than one of seeking revenge. Your life is about creating a great life and not being held back by the actions of others. Forgive and move on...and stay inspired my friends.