Remembering What Was Important

"Let us be grateful to people who make us happy, they are the charming gardeners who make our souls blossom." - Marcel Proust

Are there only a few days each year which we save the day for remembering what was important to us? Valentine’s Day and the expression of love. Easter signaling hope in our lives. Thanksgiving where we give gratitude for what we've been given. Christmas with hew birth of kindness and joy.

Yet we lose sight of these important aspects of life, love and relationships during the "in-between" days. The daily work week where we are grinding out our daily living is where these life values are most important.

It becomes easy to tire of picking up and tossing aside those stones of irritation and disappointment. In our relationships with those closest to us, this can have a harmful impact. It begins to build a wall between two people. Waves of discord flow out to those around you and creates an even thicker wall of separation.

Perfection of the other is never achievable.

Perfection of expectant imperfection is achievable.

And this is all very easy correct? No, not really because it means changing yourself and accepting things you may not have originally thought possible. It also means working with the other half of the relationship in such a way which allows them to change.

We do this not by changing the other person.

We do this by giving them the room to change.

Research articles on relationships, especially in marriage have shown that marital virtues improve communication of couples and have a positive impact on the relationship. All types of relationships need critical thinking AND curiosity to be expressed. They need sparks of creativity and zest. They need social intelligence where each individual is aware of one another’s feelings and responds appropriately.

Many times it helps to "Go with the Good That Already Exists."

To never forget what first drew the two of you together.

Yet the relationship road can be bumpy for all of us. And that is normal. You are not the only ones going through this despite all you might think or see in other peoples lives. All of us have to work at it to be successful.

So what can you do?

Researchers say there are ten basic factors to consider in your relationship. These are good guidelines to help you work through the days in-between the holidays.

1. You and your partner are on the same page in terms of your basic values and life goals. You both know what you want out of life, what your common goals are, what you wish to accomplish in life, and are firmly committed to achieving these together.

2. There is a strong sense of trust between you. You openly discuss everything---the good, the bad, and the ugly. There is no hidden agenda and no secrets from your past.

3. You keep your own identity within the relationship and so does your partner. This is so vital. Marriage may be a large piece of the whole pie that identifies who you are. But above all, you’re still who you are as an individual beyond your various roles in life.

4. You spend quality time together doing things that are mutually fulfilling as well as quality time apart doing what is important to you individually.

5. You encourage each other to grow and change. In other words, you inspire each other to be a better person.

6. You and your partner feel safe communicating personal needs and wants. Time is set aside to discuss issues relevant to you as a couple or each of you individually. Listening carefully with undivided attention is essential to real understanding.

7. You respect each other's differences even if you disagree on important issues. And you are able to turn your differences into fair compromise.

8. You share realistic expectations for the relationship, not what you wish or fantasize it should be. Remember that you’re dealing with another extraordinarily complex individual in addition to yourself. There’s enough to work with without pursuing unrealistic ideals.

9. Each of you contributes your fair share to the relationship, whatever that happens to be. Each partner brings their best strengths and abilities for the benefit of the “team."

10. You and your partner honor each other’s family ties and friendships. While it’s important to set aside time for family and friends it’s also important to maintain healthy boundaries between you and your partner as a unit apart from other close relationships.

A last thought provided by the researchers are that caring, kindness, support, encouragement, and empathy are the watchwords of a good and loving relationship. There is simply no room for rudeness, meanness, jealousy, insulting, degrading, blaming, guilting, criticizing, judging, or physically acting out, especially when the object is one's partner. Those boundaries cannot be crossed.

There are always going to be stones, pebbles and sometimes some really big rocks that get in the way of your relationship. Keep working at it and always remember what was important about the two of you.

Stay inspired my friends.

Life Is An Experiment

"Do not be too timid and squeamish about your actions. All life is an experiment. The more experiments you make the better."
- Ralph Waldo Emerson

There are things you want to do in your life.

You may have a desire to learn how to dance,
...to start a new business,
...or learn how to speak another language.

What are you waiting for?

Get up and move.

Try something new and if you fail, get up and try something else. The life you live will have moments of utter disaster along with moments of exhilarating success. But it will never happen if you do not try.

Stay inspired my friends!

What Are You Worth

“Be undeniably good. No marketing effort or social media buzzword can be a substitute for that.” — Anthony Volodkin, Hype Machine founder

The grand folks at Despair.Com always provide an ironic twist to motivational posters. Such as the poster above regarding your 'worth' in a job.

It is easy to think we are irreplaceable when it comes to our job. If we believe in the idea that what we do is singularly necessary for the survival of a business, then life lays an easy trap for us to fall into.

"Not everything that can be counted counts, and not everything that counts can be counted." - Albert Einstein

What happens is you start focusing on why you should be kept around. When you do this, the trap has been set and self importance enters in. You allow yourself to become bigger then the job itself.

This is where you should stop and reassess the way you are performing your job. Your focus should be on doing those things which rise above what is expected of you; above that which is common place.

"Sometimes something worth doing is worth overdoing." - David Letterman

In the bigger picture of your job place, you really have no absolute control over what happens unless you own the business. And sometimes even that is not enough. Many times you are simply caught up in the whirlwind of circumstances of the business world.

What you do have control of is the ability to perform your job the best you can. Go beyond what is expected. Those who out perform, those who serve to those in authority will normally be the ones who remain and advance.

Be a person of complaint and chances of job loss increase.

Be a person who goes beyond and your potential increases.

Stay inspired my friends!

Unafraid to Change

"What is a human being, then?" "A seed" "A... seed?" "An acorn that is unafraid to destroy itself in growing into a tree." - David Zindell (1992) The Broken God

As a child, my formative years took place in the 1960s and 1970s. The 1960s have been described as the counterculture and social revolution; many times described as an era of irresponsible excess and flamboyance. The 1970s were influenced by social progressive values which began in the 1960s, such as increasing political awareness and economic liberty of women.

These were two decades which seemed radically different from what we might see as our western culture today. There were excesses and missteps that occurred along the way, but than again, change never comes cleanly. Change does not come in a nice tidy box with a crisply tied bow on it.

Change can be down right messy and difficult.

One of the things I do remember were the struggles women fought for equality in the workplace. There are still inequalities today but not what was going on back in those days. My mother battled these things in a changing culture. Fighting to be recognized in the workplace as an equal to the men around her.

Fighting for the rights which eventually opened doors for other women to step through. And yet, my mother would never see herself as a person who paved the way for women in the workplace, but she did. She set an example for many other women of her time.

Mom worked in retail and credit for many years. She made her way to becoming the store credit manager and eventually store manager. It took a course of years from 1967 to 1986. The business world was not fully ready for it and neither were many men and women with old outdated thinking.

Never afraid to step out; to achieve those dreams.

Today I see my own wife and daughters working, achieving things in life that seemed out of reach back in the 60s and 70s. Are all things fair and equal today? No, I am not suggesting they are. What has changed is no one should be afraid to reach out and pursue their dreams.

The achievements women like my mother attained reinforced the idea that dreams are possible. They also established the idea that you must shed fear and be unafraid to step out boldly in pursuit of those dreams. The idea of being unafraid is not only for women, but for everyone.

To reach your potential, you must shake your fears and strongly create movement in your life. To reach out towards a vision for a better life. To begin your walk down a path others have laid a foundation to build upon.

You will walk this path or possibly create a new one.

Let go of the fear, be unafraid.

Stay inspired my friends.