Sound Familiar?

“I would rather be a little nobody, then to be a evil somebody.”
― Abraham Lincoln

We have seen it as children and probably experienced. In fact, maybe we were once this type of person in our childhood yet managed to learn and grow out of it. And then there are those who continue to bully well into their own adulthood.

The definition of a bully is a blustering browbeating person; especially, one habitually cruel to others who are weaker.

Those who are bullies in childhood often continue to be bullies as adults. And many times the victims of adult bullying find little or no sympathy from others. After all they will say, we are grown now and should let any little or silly things such as bullying bother us.

But it happens.

What are the marks of a child who bullies others;

- Have witnessed physical or verbal violence at home as a means to get what they want.
- Hit or push other children their means to get what they want.
- Often physically strong, so they use physicality to get what they want.
- May or may not be popular with other children around their same age.
- Have trouble following rules and believe rules do not apply to them.
- Show little concern for the feelings of others.

And as they grow into adulthood, what are the marks of an adult bully;

- Are prone to physical or verbal violence at home as a means to get what they want.
- Hit or push other people when they are unable to get what they want.
- Often physically strong, so they use physicality to get what they want.
- May or may not be popular with other adults around their same age.
- Have trouble following rules and believe rules do not apply to them.
- Show little concern for the feelings of others.

Sound familiar?

There are additional habits that adult bullies tend to exhibit as well. These include political backstabbing, socially undermining someone, publicly belittling others, and ostracism. While the stereotype is that bullies tend to be bosses, there is a reason for it.

People tend to bully because they have power and when we think of power, we think of bosses and their charge over subordinates. But power comes in different forms. Some have more power over peers, either due to a dominant personality or aggressiveness. Others might have a higher social status which gives them more social power.

In its simplest form, bullying means being deliberately cruel to another person or group, for any reason. And while bullying is easy to spot in children, adult bullies are sly, subtle and difficult to expose. The older one gets, the more years of practice.

Some have learned to be very cunning while others hide behind masks of authority, superior knowledge, money or other types of power. Many are very good at finding plausible excuses to justify their cruelty or deflecting criticism of their behavior when called out on it. And in many cases, bullies think highly of themselves.

Bullies like being looked up to and often expect everyone to behave according to their wishes. They like having people parade to their doorstep or whim with all of the pomp and circumstance so others can watch. In childhood, kids who bully were many times not taught to think about how their actions affect other people. So putting others on public display is a thing bullies enjoy and it empower them even though it can have a devastating effect on others.

All bullies have one thing in common: they want to hurt someone.

What can someone do to stop from being bullied? When someone is bullying you, it is unlikely that there is anything you can say or do to make the bully feel differently. The best strategy is to change how you respond to the bullying behavior. In many instances, bullying cannot continue to have its desired effect if the intended victim successfully stands up to the bully.

Once you have identified a bully and know what kind of behavior to expect from this person, you must choose not to be a victim. Expose the bullying for what it is; take a stand, and don’t back down.

- Tell someone you trust and tell them what has been happening to you.
- Name names and give details; make your situation very clear.

This may require a bit of courage, but you can find it.

- Arrange for a witness to the bullying by asking someone you trust to watch or listen when the bullying takes place.
- Confront the bully which you can do yourself if you feel able or have a someone you trust there to support you.

The point here is to expose the bully and call him or her to account.

What you do not want to do is;

- Get into a fight; avoid physical confrontation because someone will get hurt or possibly go to jail. It also is very likely that nothing will be resolved.
- Return the abuse; becoming a bully yourself is a dangerous pit to fall into when you are hurt and angry so resist the temptation to lower yourself to the level of your abuser.
- Acting out in frustration; do not fall into the trap where you have a mean boss, who humiliated you so you went home and shouted at the wife, who slapped the oldest son, who punched his little sister, who pulled then pulled the dog’s tail, who ran down out the door and bit the postman.

Cruelty spreads like a contagious disease and quickly becomes epidemic in nature; so wash your hands of it!

I know life is not easy and we will always have varying degrees of hate. But when we encounter it, when we see it, and when we are impacted by it, we can choose to do the right thing.

Stay inspired my friends!

The Dead Cat

“The eye is diverted from the real business, it is caught by the spectacular action that means nothing--nothing at all.” ― Agatha Christie

In politics there is what many call a "Dead Cat" strategy. In its simplest form, this strategy is a diversionary tactic most commonly used in politics. When things are not going your way or the news is bad for you, throw a dead cat on the table which will divert attention from something damaging to you by giving people something more dramatic or shocking to talk about.

In use and metaphorically speaking (there is not a real dead cat on the table), please will shout "Hey, there’s a dead cat on the table!" People will then be talking about the dead cat, the thing you want them to talk about, and they will not be talking about the issue which has been causing you so much grief.

If you can make a comment or stir something so shocking that it shifts the entire focus of discussion to something else. What you did not want to talk about will no longer be talked about. How can anyone not talk about the dead cat? They have to because it is so outlandish and eye catching.

Very powerful in shifting and gaining media attention.

We have seen plenty of this during our most recent election process and it continues post-election as well. By nature we humans are curious to the wild and shocking noise which permeates our social and news media outlets. My father always said, the squeaky wheel gets the grease and that is very true.

By simply focusing on the squeaky wheel, are we forgetting to pay attention to the other three wheels? The air leaking quietly from one tire or the wear of the tread on another which are equally important. Do we do it to fool ourselves into thinking everything is okay in our lives?

Do we throw dead cats to deceive ourselves?

How many times have we allowed ourselves to be diverted by the bright and shiny things. You want to that new job which promises great sums of money but are unwilling to admit that you do not put in the effort in your current job to advance. It could be a relationship in which you want the handsome attentive man or the attractive fawning woman but fail to measure your own self.

The promises made to us and by us are the dead cats thrown in front of us. They distract us from what is really going on in our life. It could be politics, relationships, our money, job and even our religious beliefs. We deceive and are deceived by the diversions created.

How do we remove the dead cat?

The first thing is to realize that the dead cat is on the table and to ask why was it thrown out there in the first place. We must always question why the topic changed. Is it in order to focus us on something more important or keep us from discussing what truly is important.

Secondly, we must hold ourselves and others to task in understanding and resolving what really matters. The dead cat is not the important thing here, it is a ploy to keep us from holding ourselves or others accountable. We should not allow the diversion to hold our attention.

The last thing is to call it what it is, a diversion of the truth either in social media or the news. Call people out on it and bring the attention back to the important things. Call yourself out on it for only we can allow ourselves to be deceived by the dead cat on the table.

Stay inspired my friends!

The Ass in the Lion's Skin

“Oh, what a tangled web we weave...when first we practice to deceive.”
― Walter Scott

From Aesop ... a story.

An Ass once found a Lion's skin which the hunters had left out in the sun to dry. He put it on and went towards his native village. All fled at his approach, both men and animals, and he was a proud Ass that day. In his delight he lifted up his voice and brayed, but then every one knew him, and his owner came up and gave him a sound cudgeling for the fright he had caused. And shortly afterwards a Fox came up to him and said: "Ah, I knew you by your voice."

Aesop's moral - Fine clothes may disguise, but silly words will disclose a fool.

Stay inspired my friends!

Continue To Make A Difference

“Do your little bit of good where you are; it's those little bits of good put together that overwhelm the world.” ― Desmond Tutu

Despite our ever changing world and disagreements we have, I shall continue to do so.

If a man is called to be a street sweeper
He should sweep streets even as Michelangelo painted
Or Beethoven composed music
Or Shakespeare wrote poetry

He should sweep streets so well
That all the hosts of heaven and earth
Will pause to say
Here lived a great street sweeper
Who did his job well

~Martin Luther King, Jr~

You can make a difference every day simply by doing what you do to the best of your abilities.

Stay inspired my friends!

Are You Ready

“We are not preparing for the world we live in - we are preparing for the world we find ourselves in.” ― Michael Mabee

Today, November 7, 2016 is the day before our presidential election here in the United States. A day which seems long in coming and very unconventional one to say the least.

The pundits, the memes, the arguing and the craziness which have marked this particular election will reach a full crescendo today. There will be last moment appeals for one candidate or the other and enough predictions to fill a rain barrel or two.

What just happened.

Much of what we witnessed over the past year has been both historical and hysterical in nature. The unexpected has happened and the division has widened among citizens and family members alike.

We have our first female presidential candidate who carries with her like any lifelong politician (male or female) both the good and bad baggage of a long career in politics. There are people deeply divided and opinionated of this candidate for these reasons.

On the other side we have a truly non-political candidate who many have referred to as a carnival barker. But there are many things he says which resonate with people due to the failure of our entire political system to address in a meaningful way.

Outside of the United States, many have commented on what they would call the demise of our democracy and the system used to elect a President. And the fear is not as much how we have gotten to this point but what will happen after the election results are in.

What Wednesday will bring.

At some point on Tuesday night, the projections and results will come in and we will know who the next President of these United States will be. The person might be your candidate or maybe not, but how will you respond?

Will you accept the results and implore your fellow believers to join and support the new President. Or will you continue to be a part of the political problem that all of us seem to agree needs fixing?

And yes, much of our change relies upon the politicians themselves. But we can be the ones who start the change by changing our ways, by lowering our own divisiveness in how we use social media and in our conversations with others.

The show must go on.

After we have made our choices on Tuesday and had our celebration or pity parties on Wednesday, the act of getting on with the business of life remains. We can choose to continue our complaints or to hold a victory over others.

Or we can choose to work together in a civil and respectful way to bring the changes all of us can agree upon. If not, life and all of its consequences will proceed without us one way of another.

My belief is we will be better regardless of Tuesday's outcome because we can be.

Vote this Tuesday and stay inspired my friends!

All Generations

“My happiness comes from the donation of my life in many ways for the current and for the future generations.” ― Debasish Mridha

Every generation has a set of challenges encountered which are either created by the past, by the present or by our reluctance to confront the future.

The old might predict the demise of a present generation but fail to remember they were considered the future by an older generation. Even the present generation can fail to put in context the past and what was or could have been achieved by their elders.

What always exists is possibility.

Regardless of the generation, the time or the circumstance, all of us can strive to make life better for others which in turn creates a better life for ourselves. To say we want to return to the greatness of a time long past is to forget the pain and mistakes of that past.

There is only tomorrow and the lessons learned from yesterday. We keep looking to improve upon what we have done and create the best future that we are capable of. The next generation will take up the mantel and proceed as we have.

We can look at life as failure or as success.

I choose to look at life as success and to overcome the obstacles and mistakes we will inevitably encounter.

Refuse to let the wrong happen, believe in what can be and then try to create something better in life for both the present and future generations of us.

Stay inspired my friends!

Where Does Truth Come

"The truth is now an opinion. Unfortunately, thanks to social media, you can live in your bubble of opinion truth for as long as you like." - Trevor Noah

Trevor Noah made the statement above in response to a question regarding this years presidential campaign in that "we don't agree on a truth anymore." And so it is, another meme gets posted by opposing sides and truth becomes a victim of exaggerated context.

We find ourselves normally influenced by the friends we hang around each day. Those people could be co-workers, family members, social friends or acquaintances. Many times there are varied political, social and religious views among all of them.

In many cases, we can have a face-to-face disagreement or discussion. The points being made can become heated but most always, the discussion means to look for a common ground of truth. And granted, it is not always found but the rhetoric has to be defended.

Social media changed and changes the rhetoric.

In the early days of Twitter, Facebook and other social media outlets, people would post breaking news or events. It was a time when people would try to post the truth of a situation and when it wasn't others called them out on it. It began as 'the peoples' way to report those things the journalistic community was accused of not doing.

Things changed and people began to understand their own message was drowning in the flood of postings from other people. The ability to get their own view noticed was more and more difficult and the rise of exaggerated posts became more prevalent.

Journalistic or tabloidism in our postings.

The world of social media still has great value as does mainstream journalistic media. But everything the public has decried as unfair reporting, non-reporting or sensationalist reporting has become the exact same thing for social media posts.

We have become the very thing we rail against.

The aggrandized comments, outrageous memes and near lies, absolute lies and misinformed are seen increasingly each day. The ability to correct or discuss becomes an outright civil war of words with each side digging in deeper to their viewpoints, opinions and beliefs. They are right, you are wrong.

Truth is orphaned in the middle.

We create our own truth on each side of the debate. It is not the institution of politics, government, corporations, journalists or any other to blame for the division. We have only ourselves to look at and see where the problems of our society, government and lives need be worked on to resolve.

It is also where the answer to our problems exist. It is within ourselves to find the common ground. It is within us to tone down the rhetoric of discontent and slander in order to find the orphaned truth and bring it back into our life.

We are the problem but we are the answer as well.

We can live within the bubble or we can break free and live a greater life. For many, to live within that safe sphere of our own truth is how we will live until death.

For many others, to break out and find the common truth expands our lives and frees us from being so angry. To free ourselves from bubbles of supposed truth will strengthen us to solve the issues at hand.

It is within each of us to create a dialogue with each other. Only then will we find our way to live a great life.

Stay inspired my friends!

Halloween Smiles

"You have to have a certain persona to be a star, you know, and I don't have that. I'm a banana." - Harvey Korman

A few years back on the day before Halloween night, I had spent most of the day dodging misting rain attempting But late in the afternoon I put away my paint brushes, cleaned up and donned my banana suit. For that night was the night of Trunk or Treat.

Many places have these annual events. Churches, local neighborhoods or businesses invite people to, park their car in the lot, decorate the trunks of their cars and hand out candy to all of the miniature ghosts and goblins.

My role turned out to be comic relief for the kids.

I worked the money box for the "hot dog, chips and a drink" meal we were selling to raise money for charitable events. Sitting their dressed in a banana costume, I had a difficult time convincing the small kids I was actually an apple. It appears our school system had done an excellent job teaching these kids.

There was no fooling the kids and for one enjoyable evening, I could play the fool and get others to smile and laugh. To see a smile light up the face of another person, child or adult, is truly a magical thing to see. Even if a few adults enjoyed themselves at my expense, it was well worth it.

I can smile, they can smile and the evening is a success.

Every day we have an opportunity to put a smile on someones face. It does not mean you have to put on a banana costume to do it. Many times all it takes is a smile upon your own face to cause another person to smile also. Much of the weight of a sullen day can be lifted when we smile.

For me, having been wet and moving a large ladder around all day trying to paint my house was a distant memory once the smiles started. Your own day can be lifted when you smile and pass it along to others. Do not let another day 'slip' by (Did you catch the reference to banana peels?) without putting a smile on your face and the face of countless others.

It may not solve all your problems, but it will make them a bit easier to face.

Stay inspired my friends!

Dancing For The Bus

“If only his mind were as easy to fix as his body.” ― Han Nolan

The news story above can at first be amusing or even easily pushed aside with one excuse or another. Certainly the individual has some type of issue whether it be drug-related, just having a bad day or quite possibly a mental illness.

Many of us including myself have in some way been touched by others with mental illness. It hurts to see someone you love go through the daily struggle. And to see others brush off the affliction as if only a bandaid were needed to repair them.

The National Alliance on Mental Illness (NAMI), is an organization dedicated to helping people build better lives for the millions of Americans affected by mental illness.

All of us can do a little bit to help as well because mental illness is just that, an illness. It is not laughing at the man dancing for the bus.

Mental Illness ― Emm Roy, The First Step

People assume you aren’t sick unless they see the sickness on your skin like scars forming a map of all the ways you’re hurting.

My heart is a prison of Have you tried?s
Have you tried exercising?
Have you tried eating better?
Have you tried not being sad, not being sick?
Have you tried being more like me?
Have you tried shutting up?

Yes, I have tried.
Yes, I am still trying, and yes, I am still sick.

Sometimes monsters are invisible, and sometimes demons attack you from the inside.
Just because you cannot see the claws and the teeth does not mean they aren’t ripping through me. Pain does not need to be seen to be felt.

Telling me there is no problem won’t solve the problem.

This is not how miracles are born.
This is not how sickness works.

Stay inspired my friends!

Blue Sky For A Dreary Day

“If the sight of the blue skies fills you with joy, if a blade of grass springing up in the fields has power to move you, if the simple things in nature have a message you understand, Rejoice, for your soul is alive.” - Eleanora Duse

There is a great song many of you are probably familiar with. It is called Mr. Blue Sky and was written by Jeff Lynne and performed by his group Electric Light Orchestra.

In a BBC Radio interview, Jeff Lynne talked about how he came to write this particular song. He recalls he had been staying in a Swiss chalet trying to write his bands next album after having just released their New World Record album.

As he says, "It was dark and misty for 2 weeks, and I didn't come up with a thing. Suddenly the sun shone and it was, 'Wow, look at those beautiful Alps.' I wrote Mr. Blue Sky and 13 other songs in the next 2 weeks."

Yes, a blue sky can lift and inspire when life seems most dark and dreary.

A blue sky is like the smile upon someone's face when they greet you. Kindness can make your day better. Kindness can once again make the sky blue in your life.

And while the sky might be overcast with clouds where you are, maybe I can put this song into your playlist as an act of kindness. And quite possibly make your day a "blue sky" kind of day.

Mr. Blue Sky - Electric Light Orchestra

Radio announcer: Warning! today's forecast calls for blue sky's
Sun is shining in the sky there ain't a cloud in sight it's stopped raining,
Everybody's in the play
And don't you know it's a beautiful new day, Hey, Hey
Running down the avenue, see how the sun shines brightly,
In the city, on the streets where once was pity,
Mr. Blue Sky is living here today, Hey, Hey

Mr.Blue Sky, please tell us why,
You had to hide away for so long (So Long),
Where did we go wrong
Mr.Blue Sky, please tell us why,
You had to hide away for so long (So Long),
Where did we go wrong

Hey, you, with the pretty face, welcome to the human race
A celebration, Mr. Blue Sky's up there waiting,
And today is the day we've waited for, Oh-Oh

Hey, there, Mr. Blue, we're so pleased to be with you,
Look around, see what you do, everybody smiles at you
Hey, there, Mr. Blue, we're so pleased to be with you,
Look around, see what you do, everybody smiles at you

Mr. Blue Sky, Blue Sky, Blue Sky, Blue Sky, Blue Sky, yi
Mr. Blue, you'll get it right, but soon comes Mr. Night,
Creepin' over, now his hand is on your shoulder,
Never mind, I'll remember you this, I'll remember you this way

Mr.Blue Sky, please tell us why,
You had to hide away for so long (So Long),
Where did we go wrong
Mr.Blue Sky, please tell us why,
You had to hide away for so long (So Long),
Where did we go wrong

Stay inspired my friends!

Overcome The Obstacles

“If I had to select one quality, one personal characteristic that I regard as being most highly correlated with success, whatever the field, I would pick the trait of persistence. Determination. The will to endure to the end, to get knocked down seventy times and get up off the floor saying, ''Here comes number seventy-one!''” - Richard M. DeVos

When the will to overcome an obstacle in our life becomes stronger then the obstacle itself, anything is achievable.

Perseverance will take hold as you battle setbacks to achieve a dream you've placed in your heart.

Take the story of Andy Kadavy, a senior football linebacker at the University of Nebraska. He always had a dream to play for his beloved Huskers while playing high school football in his hometown of Seward, Nebraska. When a few other large schools offered him scholarships to play, he developed a belief and vision that he could also play for Nebraska.

With that vision, he decided to walk-on and attempt to make the team's roster. But during this same time he began to develop a problem in his right eye. He kept this condition from most everyone including his coaches. He struggled, he had successes but then was let go. You can read more about the details of his story on Lincoln Journal-Star.

His story is one of perseverance, of never letting go of his dream. He stayed with his goal and his circumstances changed; opportunity came again. His reward for sticking with it was a scholarship earned in his senior year of university.

He believed in his vision, he acted upon his vision and finally realized his vision.

When it comes to your dreams, your visions, your goals - persevere and you too can achieve that which you seek.

Stay inspired my friends!

Service With A Smile

"Sow good services; sweet remembrances will grow them." - Madame de Stael

In the spirit of service to others, here is a story from quite some time ago told by Andy Andrews. Andy wrote of a person who had an unending spirit to serve others. I felt it was a good story so here I reshare his story with you.

===============

Goodbye, Mr. Foster

===============

I met him at least eight years ago—maybe ten—on Concourse A at the Atlanta Hartsfield International Airport. He wore black pants and a white shirt with a black tie and bib apron. "Let me carry that for you, young man," he said, noticing the balancing act I was performing with my luggage and the tray of food from Paschal's Restaurant that included iced tea and peach cobbler. He didn't wait for me to say yes or no. The old fellow just grabbed my tray with a smile and was off, limping heavily on one leg that was obviously shorter than the other.

I followed him around the escalator to an empty group of tables I had never noticed and it was only then when I realized that he had also brought napkins, a straw, and packages of salt and pepper ... items I usually forget. With a flourish, he wiped a table, removed my plate from the tray and arranged it carefully with the napkins and the iced tea. Pulling back my chair as I hurriedly retrieved three, one-dollar bills from my pocket, he smiled and said, "God bless you." His nametag read: FOSTER.

After I had eaten, I walked back around to the food court, curious to see if this was a new service the airport had put in place. Certainly, I had never been "helped" before. I saw several other men and women dressed like my new friend, loosely assembled, and talking with each other, waiting without enthusiasm for tables to come empty. At that point, one of them would disengage from the group, clear any trash left on the table, wipe it down and return to their coworkers.

Glancing around the huge area, I quickly spotted Foster. Smiling, laughing, and moving fast, he helped one person after another. Mothers traveling alone with children or elderly people seemed to catch his eye first. He never waited to be summoned. He went where he was needed. Most were like me—shocked at the help—and looked around as if there might be a hidden camera recording this amazing event. I watched for fifteen minutes before heading to my flight and counted six people or groups of people he had helped during that time.

I was back through the Atlanta airport the next day and couldn't wait to visit the food court again. Sure enough, there he was, the old man with the big smile. He didn't have time to talk, but he helped me to a table as he had the day before (with napkins, salt and pepper, and a straw) and said, "God bless you, young man," as he held out my chair.

I had a twenty folded and ready to place in his hand that day. I was impressed and inspired by this old man who struggled to walk, yet moved like a dervish as he cleaned empty tables and looked for people to serve. From that day forward, he was Mister Foster to me.

As the years rolled by, I developed a great admiration for Mr. Foster. I saw him several times each month and introduced him to my wife and boys along with anyone else with whom I might have been traveling. "Watch this guy," I would always instruct as he left our table. "And watch that bunch of other people over there dressed just like him." The contrast was clear.

I enjoyed contributing to his financial well being—especially during the holidays—because he worked hard helping those who needed help. I never once suspected Mr. Foster was making a play for tips. In fact, though I rarely slipped him less than twenty dollars, he often made me wait while he helped someone in obvious need of assistance. And whether they offered money or not, he always smiled, held their chairs and said, "God bless you."

And then he was gone.

About eighteen months ago, unable to find my friend in the crowd, I asked the ladies at Paschal's, "Where is Mr. Foster today?"

"Fired," they told me.

"What?" I asked, not believing what I had heard.

"That's right," the ladies all nodded. "They fired him. Humiliated him. Sent the man home!"

"Who fired him?" I said, stopping the buffet line in its tracks. "And for what?"

The Atlanta Airport Authority, I was told, had determined that Mr. Foster had become "a distraction". They ordered him to stop helping people. "Stand with everyone else," he was told, "and wait for the tables to empty like you are supposed to. You are a busboy…act like one."

But who can act like a busboy when your heart tells you that you're so much more? He couldn't and he didn't and they fired him.

A few months later, he was back (happy as ever) on a trial basis. But I never again let him carry my tray. I did, however, continue with the twenties. And the fifties. And sometimes more. He took the money because I made him take it. I was mad for him and he knew it. His "God bless you's" often came to me with a tear. His spirit was gone.

Today, I went by Paschal's—Concourse A in the Atlanta Hartsfield International Airport. Before I could even ask, one of the ladies on the serving line spotted me. "I been expecting you," she said. "Mr. Foster's gone. He quit. He told 'em he was old and sick and couldn't do the work no more." Then she cocked her head and added with a whisper, "He ain't sick. There ain't nothing broken about that old man."

Nope, I thought as I turned away, there ain't nothing broken about that old man. Nothing but his heart.

Mr. Foster, I miss you. I am one among many who do, I suspect. So wherever you are ... God bless you.

===================

Try to serve others in whatever capacity you can. Do not because you have to but because you want to. You will be remembered for years to come and have made the world a little bit better place for others and yourself.

Stay inspired my friends.

Make Them Laugh

“If we couldn't laugh we would all go insane.” ― Robert Frost

Donald O'Connor had an amazing dancing ability and was a joy to watch.

Maybe today we can relax from the toil of politics and circumstance.

Maybe today we can just laugh.

Stay inspired my friends!