A Carpenter's Square

“This is part of what a family is about, not just love. It's knowing that your family will be there watching out for you. Nothing else will give you that. Not money. Not fame. Not work.” ― Mitch Albom, Tuesdays with Morrie

There is much to be said about family and what it can mean in our lives. They come in all kinds of shapes and sizes. Some are idyllic while others are not quite so good. The problem is that being a part of a family is so important to our human nature.

All of us want to belong and be part of a caring and nurturing environment. We want a strong and protective father as well as a loving caring mother to heal our wounds. We want siblings who share a common bond with us.

We want family.

Some people have a pretty good and normal family life. Some people had unspeakable families in which they grew up in. And we are both a reflection of those family environments, but we do not have to be victims of either kind.

Normal is a word that comes from the Latin word normālis or made according to a carpenter's square. Everything varies from the perfect ninety degrees of this carpenter's square. The modern day definition is conforming to the standard or the common type.

Family is not perfect.

Of course not and yes, some can be downright horrible. But we need to learn from the good and bad of growing up in a family, whatever form of family it was, and improve upon it. To generationally make life better.

We will never be the perfection of Pleasantville of movie fame. Nor can we expect all things to work out as they did in the television show called The Brady Bunch.

We make family the best we can.

Every step we take in gathering our family together; parents, siblings, friends and strangers; all can come together and bond as a family unit. For better not worse, we come together as a family to protect and nurture each other. To belong to something so that we can more easily face things together and not alone.

We make family the best we can. Make your family the best it can be. It may not end up being a carpenter's square, but it will be more right than wrong. Just believe in goodness being part of a family can bring into your life.

Stay inspired my friends!

Family Financial Matters

"Beware of little expenses. A small leak will sink a great ship." - Benjamin Franklin

Every day of our lives, we hurry about working to provide and get ahead. We worry about our teenage children driving, the frightening drug use trying to lure them away and all of the possibilities of what could happen.

But, as article stated, "worry about what if something happens to you...what will happen to those around you?" You could be the most careful person around...buckling your seatbelt, eating right and exercising.

As an old saying goes, "stuff happens."

Financial experts estimate that nearly 70% of men have not taken the needed steps to secure their family's financial security. Heaven forbid you end up getting hit by a car or have an unfortunate accident.

It is natural as human beings not to think about dying. Heck, who wants to think about that stuff? But it is relatively easy to take steps to ensure some 'after-you' stability.

Steps you can take are;

1. Get yourself together - put together a document listing details of your finances, investments, bank account, insurance policies and any financial advisers. Then ask around for an attorney to draft a will for you.

2. Replace your salary - Employer-sponsored life insurance policies will normally cover two times your annual salary. This is much less than your family needs. So buy a term life insurance policy to cover you until the kids have graduated and moved away. From that point on, the kids are less dependent upon you. Notice I didn't say they are totally independent.

3. Pay your family, not Uncle Sam - When you die and leave everything to your wife, your children lose something many of us didn't know we had: a $2 million exemption from the estate tax. Upon your wife's death, your kids benefit from her $2 million exemption, but yours would be lost. For your kids to get the combined $4 million exemption, the attorney can set up a credit shelter. Transfer $2 million in assets (or up to this amount as all of us do not necessarily have that much) into the trust, including your house and enable your wife to access the funds, but name your kids the beneficiaries upon her death. What happens is eventually the kids will inherit your $2 million and her $2 million...all estate tax free.

4. Protect your legacy - Remember to update and keep updated all beneficiary forms for 401(k)s, IRAs and other retirement accounts as these override your will. Just make sure they are current. Ensure that your will includes instructions including specific instructions about how your assets should be handled.

5. Hire your replacement - When you and your wife are traveling, there is the underlying thought that, "what if the plane goes down?" Assign the jobs of executor and guardian to different people. Divide the power by giving control of your kid's inheritance to one person while someone else takes them in. "The best person to raise your kids may not be the best one to handle finances," says Lisa Osofsky, a tax advisor in New York. Think of things like, what if the guardians divorce? Name one person in a couple as the guardian...and name backups.

There are many things to think of, many not the most pleasant, but necessary to leave a legacy for your family. Do what you can to prepare. Your family will thank your memory for it.

Stay inspired my friends.

Family Ties

"Family is not an important thing. It's everything." -Michael J. Fox

Families come in all shapes and sizes. They come in ways you may view as non-traditional. To others, your traditional family might very well be considered non-traditional. It could be considered matrilocal (a mother and her children); conjugal (a husband, his wife, and children); or even consanguineal (extended family) whereby parents and children live together with other members of one parent's family.

There have been studies showing that:

- Having social support is greatly related to psychological well-being. What this means is the more one feels they have family and friends that will be there for them, the less likely one will become depressed and anxious.

- Having high levels of social support is a predictor of greater job satisfaction and a higher number of years staying within a particular job as opposed to those without the social support.

- Healthier living is much more likely with greater social support which translates into greater odds of living longer and much more productive or active into older age.

We each understand that there can never be the "perfect" family, regardless of the style or makeup of that family. We have our differences and friction can take place. But the family environment should allow for that friction to take place in a safe place. Being able to express, learn, laugh and love is what the family can do for us.

Your family is not always contained to "blood" relationships. Families can grow to be close friends, a community family or a church family. Each are in support of one another, in good times and in troubled times, each are there to support one another.

Find your family to be a part of. It is a two-way street in which you give of yourself to but also get to receive in times of need. There will be disagreement, but there will also be laughter...and there will always be love.

Stay inspired my friends.

Families Made Of Love

"The family is one of nature's masterpieces." -George Santayana

Yes, the last 50 years have seen a huge rise in divorce with the U.S. having the highest of any industrialized nation. Cohabitation rather than marriage, "blended" families of both gay and heterosexual design, and children born out of wedlock are common these days.

But regardless of what the family looks like today, how you live and nuture each other within the confines of that matter greatly. We each have defined roles that determine the structure of each family. The parents, the children and the love that exists within are the things that make a family.

We may not have as many "traditional" families as once there were, but families can still exist and do in many of the different forms. As long as there is love, respect and nuturing within those walls, the family will continue to exist.

As I returned from visiting my siblings and father, it has made me think about these words. We grew up in a traditional family and around non-traditional families. My wife and children make up the strings of a blended family that bind together a family put together by a marriage after divorce. We are a family many would consider oddly formed, but it is solid and filled with love.

Both types of family units have taught me quite a bit about life, about raising children, and about the love that binds us together. With love we can and do overcome the squabbles, the hurt feelings, and any other obstacles that get in the way. It is love that fills the voids and makes a family what it is.

So as you gather with your own family, make love the greatest part of your gathering. Hug each other. Say "I love you" to each other. Love the moments no matter what type of family you have.

Family

"You don't choose your family. They are God's gift to you, as you are to them."
~Desmond Tutu

Recently my wife and I attended a family reunion some distance away. These occur once every two years on my wife's side of the family. It was a great time once again to meet and talk with relatives.

Each reunion, a different family volunteers to plan the next event which is held in many varying places. These reunions can result in upwards of a hundred people attending. Certainly no small feat for the ones planning as cost, location, things to do and of course our final evening dinner together.

This year was no different in planning, but due to the slumping economy, weddings and such...the turn out was smaller. But it was a great time for everyone. The costs were low, the 4th ranked in the nation Henry Doorly Zoo, greats museums such as the Durham Museum or the Joslyn Art Museum along with the Childrens Museum where Elmo was visiting were big hits.

Of course the golfing, shopping in the Old Market, restaurants...there was much to do. So yes, every two years, one set of family members become spokespeople for the local Visitors Bureau. This year, we had a great time and everyone enjoyed getting to see each other once again.

At the end of each reunion, we hold a family dinner. It is here that we all get to be in one place for fellowship, pictures and awards. Yes, awards for the family golf tournament or putt-putt golf tournament. Awards are given for the oldest person, the youngest, the farthest and so on. Small token gifts, but well meaning to acknowledge those in attendance.

A way to let everyone see each other one last time before parting ways in the morning. This year we were able to have the majority of my family attend as well due to the proximity of where they live. Two different families coming together to meet and say hello is a great thing.

It is also a way to let the elders of the family get up and speak to us. This year, my wife's Uncle Mike got up to speak. He reminded us of those that could not make it this year. He reminded us of those that are no longer with us. It was twenty-two years ago that he and his brothers decided that getting together only for funerals was not the way to do it. So eleven reunions have occurred, keeping family members from different corners close and in touch.

So now you are wondering, why all of the fuss over a family reunion? Simply to give you an idea, to plant a seed in your mind, to nudge you to do the same. Whether you have a large or a small family. Or whether it is a close or an extended family, getting together every so often is important.

Enjoy the aspects of family, enjoy being related.
_

Family Financial Smarts

Each day we hurry about working to provide and get ahead. We worry about our teenage children driving, the frightening drug use trying to lure them away and all of the possibilities of what could happen. Yet a recent article I read asks, "do we worry about what if something happens to you...what will happen to those around you?"

You can be the most careful person around...buckling your seat belt, eating right and exercising. As the saying goes, "stuff happens." Financial experts estimate that nearly 70% of men have not taken the needed steps to secure their family's financial...heaven forbid you end up hit by a car.

It is natural as humans not to think about dying. Heck, who wants to think about that stuff? But it is relatively easy to take steps to ensure some 'after-you' stability. The steps you can take are listed below.

1. Get yourself together - put together a document listing details of your finances, investments, bank account, insurance policies and any financial advisers. Then ask around for an attorney to draft a will for you.

2. Replace your salary - Employer-sponsored life insurance policies will normally cover two times your annual salary. This is much less than your family needs. So buy a term life insurance policy to cover you until the kids have graduated and moved away. From that point on, the kids are less dependent upon you. Notice I didn't say they are totally independent.

3. Pay your family, not Uncle Sam - When you die and leave everything to your wife, your children lose something many of us didn't know we had: a $2 million exemption from the estate tax. Upon your wife's death, your kids benefit from her $2 million exemption, but yours would be lost. For your kids to get the combined $4 million exemption, the attorney can set up a credit shelter. Transfer $2 million in assets (or up to this amount as all of us do not necessarily have that much) into the trust, including your house and enable your wife to access the funds, but name your kids the beneficiaries upon her death. What happens is eventually the kids will inherit your $2 million and her $2 million...all estate tax free.

4. Protect your legacy - Remember to update and keep updated all beneficiary forms for 401(k)s, IRAs and other retirement accounts as these override your will. Just make sure they are current. Ensure that your will includes instructions including specific instructions about how your assets should be handled.

5. Hire your replacement - When you and your wife are travelling, there is that underlying thought that, "what if the plane goes down?" Assign the jobs of executor and guardian to different people. Divide the power by giving control of your kid's inheritance to one person while someone else takes them in. "The best person to raise your kids may not be the best one to handle finances," says Lisa Osofsky, a tax advisor in New York. Think of things like, what if the guardians divorce? Name one person in a couple as the guardian...and name backups.

For more, see BEST Magazine and simply read, the internet is a great place to start or your nearest library.

Family

During my time off this week, it brings to mind things that I am thankful for. Things and people that have been a large reason in explaining who I am. In large part, my mother, father and siblings help make me the person I am today.

All of us have family and it is an easy thing to be thankful for. For me, being the second youngest of seven children allowed me to watch the older ones. Learning by their failures or success is something that I did all along. Through the death of a sister, to all of the many things that happen within a family, each of us have stuck together.

My parents are well into retirement and enjoying their lives and life together the way they want. As parents, I'm sure they understand how much they've meant to all of us kids but we'll never feel thankful enough. Not perfect parents but perfect for me as I've come to understand that we do the best we can in raising children and in living our lives.

To my sister and brothers, thank you for helping me through many of the tough times that I've had. It was with your support that really pulled me through those times. I'll always be one to give credit to each of you for helping form the person that I am now. As I go through my life, remembering each of you with gratitude and love will always remain.

To my readers, in some form you each have a family that raised you. There are many different stories, many different types and many levels of satisfaction with ones family. Yet you should find it in your heart to remember family at this time of year. Be safe and healthy during the holiday celebrations.

To Light Your Way Home

From the folks at Apple Blossom Art

Coming home, it is a wonderful feeling when one has been on the road. Whether it be a short trip down the road to another city, or a long journey to another country, returning is always a comforting event.

As much as we try to expand our horizons with new experiences and places, we tend to be 'home bodies' at heart. Home is the one place where you will always find those closest to you. The wife or husband, father or mother, child or friend that know you most dearly.

When I travel, the vast majority of people that I run into are friendly, helping and genuinely ready to assist. But the hotels are different from my own house, the food is different from my wife's cooking and the sounds or atmosphere does not have the same familiar feel. Always I come back and can slow down from the hectic pace, to be amongst close family and friends.

In your daily life, many of the stresses you encounter can be absolved simply by coming home. Don't make your home a stressful one, try to make it a comforting one that nourishes and rejuvenates the soul. “The ache for home lives in all of us, the safe place where we can go as we are and not be questioned," was said by Maya Angelou. Build a home that you will always ache for when you are not there.

I myself am coming home and will write again as soon as I am able to. Enjoy your weekend and enjoy your time at home with loved ones.