Remembering What Was Important

"Let us be grateful to people who make us happy, they are the charming gardeners who make our souls blossom." - Marcel Proust

Are there only a few days each year which we save the day for remembering what was important to us? Valentine’s Day and the expression of love. Easter signaling hope in our lives. Thanksgiving where we give gratitude for what we've been given. Christmas with hew birth of kindness and joy.

Yet we lose sight of these important aspects of life, love and relationships during the "in-between" days. The daily work week where we are grinding out our daily living is where these life values are most important.

It becomes easy to tire of picking up and tossing aside those stones of irritation and disappointment. In our relationships with those closest to us, this can have a harmful impact. It begins to build a wall between two people. Waves of discord flow out to those around you and creates an even thicker wall of separation.

Perfection of the other is never achievable.

Perfection of expectant imperfection is achievable.

And this is all very easy correct? No, not really because it means changing yourself and accepting things you may not have originally thought possible. It also means working with the other half of the relationship in such a way which allows them to change.

We do this not by changing the other person.

We do this by giving them the room to change.

Research articles on relationships, especially in marriage have shown that marital virtues improve communication of couples and have a positive impact on the relationship. All types of relationships need critical thinking AND curiosity to be expressed. They need sparks of creativity and zest. They need social intelligence where each individual is aware of one another’s feelings and responds appropriately.

Many times it helps to "Go with the Good That Already Exists."

To never forget what first drew the two of you together.

Yet the relationship road can be bumpy for all of us. And that is normal. You are not the only ones going through this despite all you might think or see in other peoples lives. All of us have to work at it to be successful.

So what can you do?

Researchers say there are ten basic factors to consider in your relationship. These are good guidelines to help you work through the days in-between the holidays.

1. You and your partner are on the same page in terms of your basic values and life goals. You both know what you want out of life, what your common goals are, what you wish to accomplish in life, and are firmly committed to achieving these together.

2. There is a strong sense of trust between you. You openly discuss everything---the good, the bad, and the ugly. There is no hidden agenda and no secrets from your past.

3. You keep your own identity within the relationship and so does your partner. This is so vital. Marriage may be a large piece of the whole pie that identifies who you are. But above all, you’re still who you are as an individual beyond your various roles in life.

4. You spend quality time together doing things that are mutually fulfilling as well as quality time apart doing what is important to you individually.

5. You encourage each other to grow and change. In other words, you inspire each other to be a better person.

6. You and your partner feel safe communicating personal needs and wants. Time is set aside to discuss issues relevant to you as a couple or each of you individually. Listening carefully with undivided attention is essential to real understanding.

7. You respect each other's differences even if you disagree on important issues. And you are able to turn your differences into fair compromise.

8. You share realistic expectations for the relationship, not what you wish or fantasize it should be. Remember that you’re dealing with another extraordinarily complex individual in addition to yourself. There’s enough to work with without pursuing unrealistic ideals.

9. Each of you contributes your fair share to the relationship, whatever that happens to be. Each partner brings their best strengths and abilities for the benefit of the “team."

10. You and your partner honor each other’s family ties and friendships. While it’s important to set aside time for family and friends it’s also important to maintain healthy boundaries between you and your partner as a unit apart from other close relationships.

A last thought provided by the researchers are that caring, kindness, support, encouragement, and empathy are the watchwords of a good and loving relationship. There is simply no room for rudeness, meanness, jealousy, insulting, degrading, blaming, guilting, criticizing, judging, or physically acting out, especially when the object is one's partner. Those boundaries cannot be crossed.

There are always going to be stones, pebbles and sometimes some really big rocks that get in the way of your relationship. Keep working at it and always remember what was important about the two of you.

Stay inspired my friends.

Life Is An Experiment

"Do not be too timid and squeamish about your actions. All life is an experiment. The more experiments you make the better."
- Ralph Waldo Emerson

There are things you want to do in your life.

You may have a desire to learn how to dance,
...to start a new business,
...or learn how to speak another language.

What are you waiting for?

Get up and move.

Try something new and if you fail, get up and try something else. The life you live will have moments of utter disaster along with moments of exhilarating success. But it will never happen if you do not try.

Stay inspired my friends!

What Are You Worth

“Be undeniably good. No marketing effort or social media buzzword can be a substitute for that.” — Anthony Volodkin, Hype Machine founder

The grand folks at Despair.Com always provide an ironic twist to motivational posters. Such as the poster above regarding your 'worth' in a job.

It is easy to think we are irreplaceable when it comes to our job. If we believe in the idea that what we do is singularly necessary for the survival of a business, then life lays an easy trap for us to fall into.

"Not everything that can be counted counts, and not everything that counts can be counted." - Albert Einstein

What happens is you start focusing on why you should be kept around. When you do this, the trap has been set and self importance enters in. You allow yourself to become bigger then the job itself.

This is where you should stop and reassess the way you are performing your job. Your focus should be on doing those things which rise above what is expected of you; above that which is common place.

"Sometimes something worth doing is worth overdoing." - David Letterman

In the bigger picture of your job place, you really have no absolute control over what happens unless you own the business. And sometimes even that is not enough. Many times you are simply caught up in the whirlwind of circumstances of the business world.

What you do have control of is the ability to perform your job the best you can. Go beyond what is expected. Those who out perform, those who serve to those in authority will normally be the ones who remain and advance.

Be a person of complaint and chances of job loss increase.

Be a person who goes beyond and your potential increases.

Stay inspired my friends!

Unafraid to Change

"What is a human being, then?" "A seed" "A... seed?" "An acorn that is unafraid to destroy itself in growing into a tree." - David Zindell (1992) The Broken God

As a child, my formative years took place in the 1960s and 1970s. The 1960s have been described as the counterculture and social revolution; many times described as an era of irresponsible excess and flamboyance. The 1970s were influenced by social progressive values which began in the 1960s, such as increasing political awareness and economic liberty of women.

These were two decades which seemed radically different from what we might see as our western culture today. There were excesses and missteps that occurred along the way, but than again, change never comes cleanly. Change does not come in a nice tidy box with a crisply tied bow on it.

Change can be down right messy and difficult.

One of the things I do remember were the struggles women fought for equality in the workplace. There are still inequalities today but not what was going on back in those days. My mother battled these things in a changing culture. Fighting to be recognized in the workplace as an equal to the men around her.

Fighting for the rights which eventually opened doors for other women to step through. And yet, my mother would never see herself as a person who paved the way for women in the workplace, but she did. She set an example for many other women of her time.

Mom worked in retail and credit for many years. She made her way to becoming the store credit manager and eventually store manager. It took a course of years from 1967 to 1986. The business world was not fully ready for it and neither were many men and women with old outdated thinking.

Never afraid to step out; to achieve those dreams.

Today I see my own wife and daughters working, achieving things in life that seemed out of reach back in the 60s and 70s. Are all things fair and equal today? No, I am not suggesting they are. What has changed is no one should be afraid to reach out and pursue their dreams.

The achievements women like my mother attained reinforced the idea that dreams are possible. They also established the idea that you must shed fear and be unafraid to step out boldly in pursuit of those dreams. The idea of being unafraid is not only for women, but for everyone.

To reach your potential, you must shake your fears and strongly create movement in your life. To reach out towards a vision for a better life. To begin your walk down a path others have laid a foundation to build upon.

You will walk this path or possibly create a new one.

Let go of the fear, be unafraid.

Stay inspired my friends.

Synchronized Wednesdays

#WackyWednesday

“On my tombstone they will carve, "IT NEVER GOT FAST ENOUGH FOR ME.” ― Hunter S. Thompson

For no particular reason this Wednesday, here is a short video of synchronized motorcycle driving and the Italian Polizia.

Stay inspired my friends!

Revealing Heart

"The heart does not lie." - Vittorio Alfieri

Our true self is revealed by the actions of our heart.

No more true does this happen then when we have difficult times in our life.

In Sanskrit, the “heart” is referred to as Hridayam which means, “Here is the Center”. Hridayam or the Heart in this definition is thought of as the center of our existence. In ancient Eastern texts and scriptures, the heart is talked about in the context of physical health, mental health, spiritual health and vitality.

It is rare if ever we ask, “What is in your brain?”.

It is possible we might ask, “What is on your mind?”

Neither of these statements have the warmth of asking “What is in your heart?”

If we ask someone, “what is in your heart,” we are looking for true and direct communication with the other person. You might call this having a "heart to heart talk.” Which means having an open, truthful and mutually respectful conversation.

It is said the term heart literally means truth.

When we want to know the truth, we go to the heart of the matter. When I say to someone, “I want to speak my heart”, it means I want to speak my truth. I want to give my true feelings.

Jill Sweetman, Counselor and Life Coach, has said "Tough times expose our true heart." This is true and the nature of our heart is less surprising if we examine our own heart. It means looking inside and understanding what and who we are.

One's true heart will reveal itself eventually.

More times than not it does so during times when we are having difficulty. If your true heart is weak and hard, there is work to do in order to strengthen it. We prepare ourselves by understanding who we are. And it is our heart which reveals the true person inside of us.

Stay inspired my friends!

Lift Me Up

"Open doors, they may be closed to me. The fire's still burning in my heart."
- YES, "Lift Me Up"

There are many in life who could use a hand to help pull them back up. It takes only a moment of time to make a difference in their life.

Reach out your hand and make that difference.

Lift some one up!

Stay inspired my friends.

Financial Smarts

“Financial fitness is not pipe dream or a state of mind it's a reality if you are willing to pursue it and embrace it.” ― Will Robinson

Each day we hurry about working to provide for our family and to get ahead in life. We worry about our teenage children driving, the frightening drug use trying to lure them away and all of the possibilities of what could happen. Yet an article I read asks, "do we worry about what if something happens to you...what will happen to those around you?"

You are probably the most careful person around. You buckle your seat belt, eat all of the right foods and exercise is part of your daily routine.

But as the saying goes, "stuff happens."

Financial experts estimate that nearly 70% of men have not taken the needed steps to secure their family's finances. Heaven forbid you end up getting hit by a car. But it happens and all too often without warning. It is natural as human beings not to think about dying.

Heck, who wants to think about that stuff?

But it is relatively easy to take a few steps and ensure some 'after-you' stability. Those steps you can take are;

1. Get yourself together - put together a document listing details of your finances, investments, bank account, insurance policies and any financial advisers. Then ask around for an attorney to draft a will for you.

2. Replace your salary - employer-sponsored life insurance policies will normally cover two times your annual salary. This is much less than your family needs. So buy a term life insurance policy to cover you until the kids have graduated and moved away. From that point on, the kids are less dependent upon you. Notice I didn't say they are totally independent.

3. Pay your family, not Uncle Sam - when you die and leave everything to your wife, your children lose something many of us didn't know we had: a $2 million exemption from the estate tax. Upon your wife's death, your kids benefit from her $2 million exemption, but yours would be lost. For your kids to get the combined $4 million exemption, the attorney can set up a credit shelter. Transfer $2 million in assets (or up to this amount as all of us do not necessarily have that much) into the trust, including your house and enable your wife to access the funds, but name your kids the beneficiaries upon her death. What happens is eventually the kids will inherit your $2 million and her $2 million...all estate tax free.

4. Protect your legacy - remember to update and keep updated all beneficiary forms for 401(k)s, IRAs and other retirement accounts as these override your will. Just make sure they are current. Ensure that your will includes instructions including specific instructions about how your assets should be handled.

5. Hire your replacement - when you and your wife are travelling, there is that underlying thought of, "what if the plane goes down?" Assign the jobs of executor and guardian to different people. Divide the power by giving control of your kid's inheritance to one person while someone else takes them in. "The best person to raise your kids may not be the best one to handle finances," says Lisa Osofsky, a tax advisor in New York. Think of things like, what if the guardians divorce? Name one person in a couple as the guardian...and name backups.

It is also important to educate yourself on financial matters not only in case you should die but also in case you continue to live a long and happy life. Having a sound financial plan will make that life even happier.

Stay inspired my friends.

Expect It Your Self

“The only person who can pull me down is myself, and I'm not going to let myself pull me down anymore.” ― C. JoyBell C.

An article appeared a few years back in Popular Mechanics about a doctor and assistant professor at the Stanford School of Medicine by the name of Jaimie Henderson. His specialty is neurosurgery and the article talks about the computer-aided tools he uses for surgery on the brain.

This really is brain surgery (with or without a computer).

If your job is brain surgery, it becomes imperative that you are not having a bad day and still expect to perform brain surgery. Dr. Henderson says, "We are all humbled and inspired every day by the complexity of the human brain. Absolute perfection is expected every time I operate. And that's okay."

Such a great way to approach your job or any thing you do in life.

You might think your own work in life as, "...it isn't brain surgery." Guess what, for some it really is brain surgery. Yet it should not diminish the importance of what you do each and every day.

What you do and who you are remains just as important.

Trying to have a good day everyday should be something you expect of yourself. As the good doctor says and you should say as well, "...and that's okay."

Stay inspired my friends!

Would You Believe ...

“If you're perpetually broke, you should be working hard at overcoming stupidity and not getting rich.” ― Taiwo Abraham

I have a really great deal for you.

Select eleven my blog posts for just 1 dollar (plus shipping and handling). I will then send you a "Writer's Selection" blog post once a month (plus shipping and handling) at a low, low cost for another three years. After this time, you can opt out but I'm sure you will want to continue with your membership.

Sounds too good to be true doesn't it?

Sounds all too familiar I am sure.

Columbia House Records made billions of dollars on shipping and handling fees along with the monthly selection you basically had to purchase. I myself was lured into this seemingly innocent deal. On the farm back in the 1970s, it seemed to be a good way to collect music.

Surprise, surprise as it drained my weekend job savings account.

Surprise, surprise as it drained many of your accounts as well.

Well another long coming surprise is that Columbia House just filed for bankruptcy in a Manhattan court. Documents filed by the company say its debt could be as high as $10 million, and it owes its 20 biggest creditors more than $6 million. Appears they couldn't keep up with those shipping and handling costs.

The cynical person in me wants to jump up for joy in the demise of this company and its marketing and other business practices. Many people have been harmed, duped, swindled and just plain bamboozled by this company.

Then I remember I am human and allowed it to happen.

Then I remember we are all human and did it to our self.

How did it all happen? How did we allow ourselves to be duped. How did Columbia House and others like them make money? They did so by using a business practice called "negative option billing" which effectively takes advantage of human nature.

Just decline the next item before the bill arrives. Easy enough but human nature is our tendency to forget, be late and the bills continue to accumulate. You may have gotten some great music, but could you now afford the electric bill to play those records.

We learn from those mistakes of human nature.

We learn to accept those mistakes and move forward.

Life has its lessons to be learned for every generation and every person. Some lessons learned quickly while some are learned hard. Which ever way though, we must move forward knowing how to avoid the pitfalls and grab hold of the good.

Whether you bought twelve records for a penny or simply made a bad decision in life; accept it, learn from it and move on.

There will be plenty of other opportunities to learn from but also greater knowledge in taking on the right ones.

Stay inspired my friends!

Life By Example

“He that gives good advice, builds with one hand; he that gives good counsel and example, builds with both; but he that gives good admonition and bad example, builds with one hand and pulls down with the other.” - Francis Bacon, Sr. (English Lawyer and Philosopher 1561-1626)

Most everything we we do in life can be seen by those who surround us. People on the street watching you walk by. Those in line at the grocery store as you check out. The person in the car behind you in traffic. Your friends, spouse, and children all see your actions.

People learn by watching what you do, what you say and what they see.

It may seem unfair that our every movement and word can have an effect on others. It would seem unfair that you are probably getting judged like the cover of a book. But it happens and your every action is on display.

Think about our society of celebrity and the complaints those in the spotlight of public visibility express. Many would say that because one lives in the public spotlight (celebrities, politicians, etc), that they should expect the attention they receive.

Yet each of us live on one level or another of public spotlight.

The attention we draw from others may be smaller, but it is still one that can have impact on those who see us daily. And knowing our actions and words have impact, it becomes a choice for us if that impact will be a positive or negative one upon others.

Choose a life which exhibits the positive. Choose a life that will teach others a better way to live. Give others the best of you which in turn helps them to improve their own lives.

Life by example, life by positive examples, life for the better.

Stay inspired my friends!

Life Outside Your Bubble

“The danger of venturing into uncharted waters is not nearly as dangerous as staying on shore, waiting for your boat to come in.” ― Charles F. Glassman

There is a movie from 2001 titled Bubble Boy, in which a boy is born with an immune deficiency and his parents keep him in an environmental safe room at home. You find out much later in the story that doctor's had misdiagnosed it but his mother was so overly protective, she led him and others to believe he would die by stepping out of the protection.

So he lives his life in a protective room, immune from all which happens outside his door. The insulated nature of his life fuels within him a desire. His story is that of a person wishing to break free of this protective cocoon of safety.

Life is so much more. There is love of life and people to pursue.

The boy decides to risk his life outside of this room in a more portable bubble he has created for himself. He remained in steadfast belief of his need to be protected. He enters the world outside his room with a shield; a bubble that keeps him separated from others just as the door on his room did.

Stepping out to change yet holding on to his perceived truth.

Each of us do this in life. We pursue dreams but with a view of the certainty of things. Those beliefs we simply hold as truth due to the culture in which we have lived in. Some of those beliefs might be absolutely true while others are misguided acceptance.

I for many years had a misguided thought. In it, I had thought Art Garfunkel, member of a popular singing duo from the 1960s had died. Much to my surprise he was performing in Central Park during a reunited concert.

When I look back, as a very young and inquisitive child, a sibling had told me a story of his death. Most likely to quiet me from asking so many questions about why the duo had split up. But I took this information as truth and believed it fully.

My mind was opened to questioning many other truths in life.

You see the idea is not to question and be suspect of everything. It is not meant to live life with paranoia of events and people.

It means to find out as much as you can about the world around you. To live life by stretching yourself beyond the confines of life lived in a bubble.

The Bubble Boy knew he was faced with giving up his bubble of safety for his real dream; the love of his life. When he stepped out of that bubble he found real truth. His long held belief was not true and he was now free to pursue his dreams.

Sometimes we have to face the reality of what we believe.

Living inside the bubble of what we believe has a limiting effect upon our lives. There may come a time when we have to question our beliefs in order to pursue our dreams or goals. Do not be afraid to test those beliefs and take a step outside of the bubble.

You may find the air is fine and the last wall is broken through to a dream.

Stay inspired my friends.

Welcome To The Gang

“Just when you think that a person is just a backdrop for the rest of the universe, watch them and see that they laugh, they cry, they tell jokes...they're just friends waiting to be made.” - Dr. Jeffrey Borenstein

There are lots of people in the world you pass by each day. As you drive down the street or walk through the store going about your daily life.

Those people you see; you smile and exchange a quick greeting.

Day by day these people fill your world and are a part of all that happens around you. It can become easy to be oblivious to their existence. The fact remains you become a "movie prop" in the background from their perspective as well.

Maybe we should stop and look at others not as "movie props" but as potential friends.

A friend who has a good thing to say or someone to offer support when in need. With so many people moving about in the world, having a friend around every corner is a pretty comforting thought.

Try to create new friends from the everyday background of your life. Every one of them will count as a great new addition to your life.

And stay inspired my friends!