A Glass

"Optimists find joy in small things. They enjoy sunsets, a good conversation with a close friend; and they enjoy life in general. They are more concerned with having many small joys rather than having one huge joy." -Robert M. Sherfield

Not too long ago, I read an article written by Jane Pauley in which she writes how she does tend to be a 'doubter' as opposed to an optimist. She indicates that if she could choose, she would choose to be an optimist. And she really kind of thinks that she is more of a realist as opposed to being a pessimist.

My thought is that a pessimist believes the grass is dry and dead. An optimist believes the grass is always lush and green. The realist simply knows where the fence is that divides the patches of earth. I believe you can be a optimistic realist, which means there can be pessimistic realists as well. So I choose the optimistic side of the fence.

I guess what this gets down to is do you fret over the little obstacles in life? Do you wait and wait, worrying until the time is perfect to get past these obstacles? After all is said and done, most experts agree that once you have gathered information and mulled it over for some amount of time, just do something.

So here I am telling you to just do something, but it takes a positive attitude to give you that courage. The optimist is more likely to jump in the boat, oars in hand and try. A pessimist is unlikely to give it the old 'trial and error' college try.

In order to try and think more positively, here are three tips:

1. Give Thanks: Terry Paulson, Ph.D., author of The Optimism Advantage: 50 Simple Truths to Transform Your Attitudes and Actions into Results, says to tell others what you're grateful for. When you share positively, the whole energy of your attitude changes.

2. Keep Moving: Moods can spiral downward, therefore you need to stay physically and mentally active according to Margie Warrell, author of Find Your Courage: 12 Acts for Becoming Fearless at Work and in Life.

3. Focus Forward: If you set lofty goals, they improve your outlook in life. Martin E. P. Seligman, Ph.D., and author of Flourish: A Visionary New Understanding of Happiness and Well-being. He recommends to live in the future with short- and long-term goals to keep yourself positive.

The glass can be whatever you want it to be. Just keep filling it each day with good things, good thoughts and a good life; your best life.

Big Idea

"Believe in something larger than yourself... get involved in the big ideas of your time." -Barbara Bush

The thought of coming up with one big idea is daunting to most people. We sit and think and think some more about one big idea. The sitting around thinking all day never accomplishes anything. All we end up doing is just thinking.

There are those of course that have a big idea every day. They rush out and each big idea fails. The problem is that those big ideas are self centered. How to make the next big dollar, millions mind you. But when you look only selfishly at the next big idea, failure will normally occur.

When you look to connect yourself with a big idea that helps others it changes the game. Even your own idea, outwardly, unselfishly, sacrificial will grow into a big idea. Your big idea will impact and change peoples lives without even realizing it is going to happen.

Where is your big idea going to go?

A Day Filled With Happiness

"Your living is determined not so much by what life brings to you as by the attitude you bring to life; not so much by what happens to you as by the way your mind looks at what happens." -Khalil Gibran

You have been given a wonderful opportunity. You have been given a life to live. You have been given the greatest gift and it is your life to live. I always wonder why people do not see the wonder in it and choose to live a negative and unhappy life.

Is not life a vanishing resource to us, from the moment we are born the years, days and minutes are numbered? I believe we should be happy in living those moments we call our life.

Reverse the unhappiness, let go of what burdens you and live your life to a full extent.

Shirley Neering Schmidt Creager

This past weekend my wife's mother Shirley passed away. She was born to Royal and Doris Luce a long time ago. She married Paul Schmidt and together they had eight beautiful and wonderful children; each still spread the joy that was Shirley, everywhere they go. Later in life she re-married and spent many years in the desert plains of Mesa, Arizona. It was a life with so many stories.

Shirley's life and story was filled with all of the pain and joy that comes with living this grand life. We each get to make what we want and can of that life. Shirley did just that.

You know, when a life ends, the length of that life is always far too short for those remaining. We each want one more day, an hour or even a few more seconds. But we do not get to chose the time or the place, we don't get to hold our loved ones in our arms forever.

What we do get to keep and hold onto are the memories and love for those that have passed before us. It is that love which will never cease, and means our loved ones will never end; love is eternal.

The following poem was written by Mary Frye in 1932. The inspiration came from a young Jewish woman who was living with Mary and her husband. This woman's mother was ill and living in Germany at the time. Due to the anti-Semitic unrest, her mother begged of her not to come back to Germany; that she would be okay.

Soon this young woman's mother died and she was heart-broken that she never had the chance to “stand by her mother’s grave and shed a tear”. She cried in pain at not being able to be with her mother and say goodbye.

Mary Frye then wrote the following poem.

Do not stand at my grave and weep,
I am not there;
I do not sleep.
I am a thousand winds that blow,
I am the diamond glints on snow,
I am the sun on ripened grain,
I am the gentle autumn rain.
When you awaken in the morning’s hush
I am the swift uplifting rush
Of quiet birds in circling flight.
I am the soft starlight at night.
Do not stand at my grave and cry,
I am not there;
I did not die.

In our hearts and memories, Shirley will always be here with us. Even though we never had a chance to say goodbye, we know you are still here with us. And until we get to meet again, the stars will shine and the sun will warm our days. We will know that you are peacefully smiling upon each and everyone of us.

Someone Is Thinking of You

“Perhaps they are not stars, but rather openings in heaven where the love of our lost ones pours through and shines down upon us to let us know they are happy.”

Our mother, Rose Marie (Gale) Primm passed away on October 14, 2008. She died from the effects of Pancreatic Cancer. It is a day that our family carries in our hearts because Mom gave us so much during her life and also in those final days.

One thing she said that resonates with me to this day is, "Prayer was here for us before we knew what prayer was for." To me it means that God is looking out for us even if we are unaware of it.

I add my mother to that list of people up above. She is looking out for each of us even now from a greater place. She is doing so even when we don't realize that she is. And for that I thank you Mom.

Love you and miss you.

Queen Victoria and Prince Albert

"It is difficult to know at what moment love begins; it is less difficult to know that it has begun." -Henry Wadsworth Longfellow

As I draw closer to finishing the manuscript for my new book, there are stories I wish to tell. Stories that speak of love and how it manifests itself in our history and in our everyday lives.

Today is a love story about English royalty and the death of a royal. This is not the story of Princess Diana, however tragic that was. This is the story of a queen who mourned her husband's death for 40 years.

Queen Victoria was a lively, cheerful girl, fond of drawing and painting. She ascended to the throne of England in 1837 after the death of her uncle, King William IV. It was in 1840 that she married her first cousin, Prince Albert of Saxe-Coburg-Gotha. While at first Prince Albert was unpopular in some circles because he was German, he came to be admired for his honesty, diligence, and his devotion to his family. The couple had nine children and Victoria loved her husband deeply. She relied on his advice in matters of state, especially in diplomacy.

Sad as it may be, Albert's death came suddenly; in November of 1861 he contracted typhoid fever. He was sick in bed for several weeks and fell silent from the disease on December 14. Albert was only forty-two years old and Victoria was devastated.

She wrote to one of her daughters, "How I, who leant on him for all and everything—without whom I did nothing, moved not a finger, arranged not a print or photograph, didn't put on a gown or bonnet if he didn't approve it shall go on, to live, to move, to help myself in difficult moments?"

For three years, Queen Victoria did not appear in public. While she held herself in seclusion, this generated quite a bit of criticism and several attempts were made on her life during this period. It took the influence of Prime Minister Benjamin Disraeli to persuade Queen Victoria to resume public life, by opening Parliament in 1866.

Queen Victoria never stopped mourning her beloved Prince Albert. She always wore the color black until her death in 1901, a sum of forty years. It was during her reign, which was the longest in English history that Britain became a world power on which it is said "the sun never set."

The sun never set on her love for Albert, an example of undying love. A love that lived on beyond the physical and beyond their time together. Love can be that lasting.

Your Wake Up Call

"A man is what he thinks about all day long." -Ralph Waldo Emerson

Every day that you wake from sleep, you have a choice to make regarding your attitude. If you choose to think in a negative fashion, it will be a negative day you will have. If you choose to believe nothing will come to fruition in your life, than nothing will. What you believe in yourself will dictate what will happen.

Why not choose to believe in better things for your life. Why not believe that the day can be good. Why not believe in those around you. Why not believe in yourself.

Choose today that things will be good.

Victory Achieved

“Victory is won not in miles but in inches. Win a little now, hold your ground, and later, win a little more.” -Louis L'Amour

There are hundreds of small victories won each and every day. All you have to do is look for them and accept them for what they are; victory in your life.

We spend way too much energy and effort on acknowledging our failures. There is cause analysis done and much angst over that which we fail to achieve. To look at and understand what we may have done wrong is okay. To review and see what it was that went wrong is just fine. You then need to move on from it.

But lots of times we dwell on it, which gives it power over us. It causes us to lose confidence in little bits and pieces. So why not give as much time and acknowledgement to all of the little victories. With each and every one, we build a bigger mountain to stand upon. We deserve those victories. We deserve to acknowledge and accept those victories in our life.

So get on with letting go of the failures, any and all. Get on with adding up your victories in life, large or small. One victory after another will lead to achieving those goals in life.

Red Light, Green Light

"It is in the moments of our decisions, that our destiny is shaped." -Anthony Robbins

I was driving to work this morning after having breakfast with my lovely wife Laura. We were discussing a possible change in our lives to accomodate something that is dear to our hearts. But it is a decision that impacts not just us, but our family and friends as well. That means we are giving it careful thought before moving forward.

During the short drive from breakfast to work, early as it is I came up to the stop light at an intersection. As I sat there in the fading darkness of night, the green of the traffic light for cross traffic jumped out at me. But so did the glowing red of the stop light in front of me. Each light seemed to be accomplishing the same thing.

The thought struck me that these traffic lights were not just there to safely guide me through. The red and green were also there to slow me down in my busy and hectic life. I'm sure you can relate to being busy and I'm not here to say mine is any busier than yours. While it may seem that the stop lights are getting in your way, they are actually slowing you down.

They give you time to catch up with yourself and consider what is going on. It is similar to slowing down and making thoughtful choices about how you are going to proceed. Those decisions we make in life are sometimes 'drop of the hat', quick and without much thought. We move on and correct maybe a wrong decision later. If only we would stop for a moment or two first, we may save ourselves further down the road.

What it might save is getting pulled over further down the street for having run a 'yellowish-red' light at the intersection. It may have saved a life from running a red-light and not making it.

But some will ask, how long should I stop and think about my decision? My answer is "how long is a piece of rope?" I can not answer that for you because it depends upon you and your willingness to feel comfortable with the decision. For that matter, how long do you sit at a red light?

Depending upon whom you ask, how long it takes is very much like this chart.

Cheezburger.com

So take care and watch out for those red lights cautioning us to slow down. Take the time to make your decisions wisely and then get ready. The light is going to turn green on your life.

Tear from an Apple

"Visionary people face the same problems everyone else faces; but rather than get paralyzed by their problems, visionaries immediately commit themselves to finding a solution." -Bill Hybels

Steve Jobs has passed away at the age of 56 years old. As a co-founder of the computer company Apple, the world experienced the visions of a man unfold and transform our lives. It is not often that we get to experience such a person in our lifetimes.

There will be plenty written about Steve Jobs, the business man, the innovator and the accomplishments. The changes that his company brought into this world will impact how we communicate, conduct and relate to each other for years to come.

I was not alive at the time to watch when people such as Thomas Edison, Henry Ford and others brought their visions into our world. I only get to live with the results of those visions, dreams and accomplishments. They gave us the types of changes that completely altered and improved the world around us.

The computer business is no different as it has transformed our everyday lives. Steve Job's vision and his company's products and innovations have accomplished the same thing. For a long time to come, what he accomplished will also transform our everyday lives. We will not soon forget the man.

But I also realize there is a family and friends behind this man who lived by the name Steve Jobs. To those people I send deepest sympathies. To lose a loved one is a heart breaking and life changing event as well. It is a loss that goes beyond words.

Steve's vision will live on in his products. His memories will live on in the hearts of his family, and his friends.

Teamwork and Me

"Teamwork is the ability to work together toward a common vision. The ability to direct individual accomplishments toward organizational objectives. It is the fuel that allows common people to attain uncommon results." -Andrew Carnegie

It might be that you work by yourself, sitting at your desk filling out reports, researching, or making projections. Maybe you are on the factory floor installing windshields, or in a day care tending to infants. It could be a myriad of things you do each day. But much of what we accomplish is done with teamwork present visibly and many times invisibly.

Take the story of Charlie Plumb, a navy jet pilot in Vietnam. He had seventy-four successful combat missions, but on his 75th mission, with only five days before he was to return home, Plumb was shot down.

Captain Charlie Plumb parachuted into enemy territory, was captured and spent six years in prison. He survived imprisonment and now lectures on the lessons he learned from his experiences.

After his return from Vietnam, Charlie and his wife were sitting in a restaurant when a man approached them, and said, "Are you Plumb the navy pilot?"

"Yes, how did you know?" asked Plumb.

"I packed your parachute," the man replied.

Plumb was amazed and very grateful to the man, "If the chute you packed hadn't worked I wouldn't be here today."

Charlie Plumb refers to this story in many of his lectures. He realized that there were anonymous sailors who packed the parachutes and held the pilots' lives in their hands, and yet the pilots never gave these sailors a second thought; never even said hello, let alone said thanks.

As Captain Plumb asks his audiences, "Who packs your parachutes?..... Who helps you through your life?.... Physically, mentally, emotionally, spiritually?....... Think about who helps you; recognize them and say thanks."

There is teamwork involved in many parts of our lives. You know they are out there and you can find them. Look around your community to find them. Look around your workplace to see whom they are. Look around your home and church to see whom those people are that are on your team.

You will hear the phrase that there is no 'I' in 'TEAM' to make their point. I prefer to say that there is 'ME' wrapped up in the word 'TEAM' which means we only succeed because of those around us. And those around us succeed because you are part of their lives, their team. We are each an integral part of not only our success but of those around us, the team.

The people around you that have entered into your life. Your family, your friends and co-workers. Your team exists of many, not one. Realize that you are part of a bigger team than just one. See how much further your life and the lives of the team will achieve once we acknowledge and embrace the idea.

Stay inspired my friend.

My Aching Attitude

"Grow old with me! The best is yet to be." -Robert Browning

So there I was sitting in the Orthopedic doctor's office, waiting to hear the news. This particular doctor had once been a team physician for the New York Mets baseball team. There was confidence in my mind but nervous about what the results might be.

My left shoulder had been having increasing pain over the course of two to three months. Normally I would not think much of it but worse and worse it became. The pain becomes nearly unbearable when trying to sleep at night should I happen to roll over onto it. Think of sleeping quite nicely and then having someone drive a pointed stick into the area of your collarbone. Ouch!

My doctor said that normally that is the point at which people finally come in. The point in which sleep is disrupted. Go figure!

I sat in the examining room and thought of all those sports injuries it could have been. While I am not an athlete, oh well it could be. Anyway, a tear, a cracked bone, some abnormality that defies logic? I can see the sports headlines now, "Primm out with Rotator Cuff - Blog put on Hold." What would all my fans do?

The doctor came into the room and ran me through a few more mobility tests, looked at pictures of my shoulder and always in the inevitable "hmmm" sound. "Give it to me straight Doc, I can take it. Am I out for the season?"

His diagnosis? Normal, common everyday AC Joint Arthritis. As a person becomes older and uses the shoulder, normal wear and tear, or degeneration, of the cartilage takes place in the joint. Common in middle age people. "Wait a minute, did you say as people become older?" I asked.

That is correct, I am just like you and millions of other folks that have this thing called "aging." For some reason I got to thinking it probably has to do with that AARP membership card I sent in earlier this year. But no getting around it, I am simply growing older like everyone else.

I really can not complain though. My body might be trying to show signs but my mind is fresh and not nearly as old. Some may call that immaturity, but I think of it as never getting too old not to enjoy the life I have. There are people that have and are going through much more difficult physical challenges, (cancer, major injuries). So I thank my God for the good health that I do have.

While we each may be getting older, complaining about it will not make it go away. We need to enjoy our lives to their fullest possible given our circumstances. Some are better than others but it isn't a comparison. It is about you and what you feel about your life. You dictate how happy your life is by choosing to be happy.

There are those that will say, "Sure, that's easy for you to say." And they are partially correct in that assessment. I don't have a debilitating disease nor am I fighting through anything worse than a sore shoulder. But what I am doing is working on my attitude. Training myself to change any negative thinking into positive thinking.

The time may come when my aging body gives me a bigger surprise. But if I have exercised my brain, my thoughts, properly than I will be better prepared to deal with the physical changes. In many ways there are only two choices we have, "Get busy living, or get busy dying" (The Shawshank Redemption - Andy Dufresne).

Stay inspired my friends.

Charting Our Attitude

Here we are at the end of the week. I have had good success in working on my manuscript and sharing one last older post with you. Here from May 12, 2006 is "Charting Your Attitude".

Billy Graham once said, "we do not understand the intricate pattern of the stars in their courses, but we know that He who created them does and that just as surely as He guides them, He is charting a safe course for us." The quote is one mans vision of how we can face an uncertain future. It is a tough thing to go through when it is yourself facing bad times.

Those low spots in your life can always be countered by thinking of those high spots in life. The next thing you can do is one small positive thing. Smile at someone you pass on the street, open a door for another or maybe help out another individual in some small way. The things you do in a positive way will build upon itself. And keeping your attitude strong in spite of down times is of utmost importance.

As you work your way through this, listen to others and know that many are their to help you through these times. Surround yourself with these people not to pour your problems on but to help build yourself up. Many of us have been through the valley and know of your pain. A safe course is being charted for you, read the signs and follow it to a better life.

Sweeping The Street

As we continue sharing some older posts, last weekend my wife and I fixed up the area around our mail box. With the dirt and mess, we ended up having to sweep the street. It reminded me of a favorite of mine by the Rev. Martin Luther King, Jr.

If a man is called to be a street sweeper
He should sweep streets even as Michelangelo painted
Or Beethoven composed music
Or Shakespeare wrote poetry

He should sweep streets so well
That all the hosts of heaven and earth
Will pause to say
Here lived a great street sweeper
Who did his job well

~Martin Luther King, Jr~

This is one of my favorite quotes that I share with you today. You can make a difference every day simply by doing what you do, to the best ability that you can.

Where You Going

This week, still sharing some older posts. In keeping with OLDER posts and that it just so happens to be my brother Jim's birthday today, here is one from September 28, 2010 titled "Light of Life".

Happy Birthday Jim!

“And in the end, it's not the years in your life that count. It's the life in your years.” ~Abraham Lincoln

All of life is actually pretty grand when you think about it. An amazing biological wonder is what happens from conception to death. Sometimes it is very difficult to comprehend the immensity of what must happen for life to exist.

And then I turn to my beliefs and know that anything is possible. The big bang theory, Adam and Eve, evolution, and how they get the peanut butter inside the Reese's Peanut Butter Cup; life gives us enormous possibility. Darkness can turn into light with the blink of an eye. That light becomes you and shines from within you as well.

So as we celebrate my brother Jim's birthday today, think about how amazing your own life is. Then consider all of the possibility life has to offer you. Enjoy life, live life to your greatest potential and allow the light of your life to shine.

Happy Birthday Jim.

Rolling It Up The Hill

This week we are sharing some older posts that received attention by many of my readers. Here is one from July 28, 2010 titled "Journey Onward".

"The will to persevere is often the difference between failure and success." ~David Sarnoff

In Greek mythology Sisyphus was a king whom was punished by being made to roll a huge rock up a hill, only to watch it roll back down. He repeats this throughout eternity.

The shear will to keep performing this task has many different meanings but maybe it is in the struggle itself towards greatness that is enough to fill your heart. In other words, maybe it is the journey that should be enjoyed.

We persevere throughout our life to reach a goal, dream or final destination in life. What we fail to do many times is to enjoy that wide spectrum of activity between starting and achieving. It can be in the doing of life that provides us with the most enlightenment and enjoyment.

The achievement itself is wonderful but many times it simply becomes another step to something even greater. The journey continues beyond the achievement and it is perseverance that will keep us moving forward.

Enjoy your journey and persevere throughout the process which will be difficult at times. Achievement will only be temporary, the real reward is in the journey itself.

Your Patience Appreciated

So enjoy some older posts, like this one from November 16, 2010 titled "Waiting for a Tow Truck".

"We all want to help one another. Human beings are like that. We want to live by each other's happiness, not by each other's misery." ~Charlie Chaplin

The other day I was sitting in a restaurant eating dinner with my wife. We were dining on the patio area with big thick glass walls dividing us from the plaza which stretched some distance to the street. The time was rush hour near a particularly busy area of Los Angeles, which sounds odd because I feel every area in Los Angeles is quite busy with traffic.

As the cars filled the lanes to go straight or to turn left, each was trying to simply get home from a long day at work no doubt. Then as circumstance always seems to happen, a car broke down in the turn lane. A ruin to the driver's day and quickly becoming the same to drivers behind him.

With so much traffic on the street, cars quickly piled up behind him wanting to turn left. He was several car lengths from the light, so as those in front would clear, those behind him would vent frustration by honking their horn. Some would find a clear opportunity and move out into oncoming lanes to get around, others would try to squeeze back to the right to get around. But no matter what happened, no one was getting out to help this man.

You could hear the shouts of some, the horns of others and the driving habits of those getting around that the source of their problems for the day were this one man.  Yet twice we saw people stop to offer help. One young lady going so far as to put herself in a bit of a dangerous position with the amount and speed of oncoming traffic.

Yet from what we could tell at a distance is that the man waved off help as he had apparently called for a tow truck. Waiting and waiting was going to be his penance for having car trouble, at rush hour and inconviencing so many other people.  The horns, the gestures and the wait were his to endure.

The tow truck did arrive within the hour and pulled him to safety, freeing up traffic to go about its busy day. And what became of the man we will never know. But it likely ended as you might expect; a tow bill, a car repair bill, late getting home, tired and exhausted.

What of those other people that mocked and ridiculed him with the gestures and honks of displeasure? Did their day really improve by taking it out on this one lone driver? Was this broken down vehicle a planned event to be the reason for a bad day? Did these people acutally end up feeling better? It is unlikely that they did for the broken down vehicle was only a distraction.

What of the few people that did offer to stop and help? I'm betting that their day actually improved. I'm betting that it eased some of the burden in their day. Even those that didn't stop but were mindful and empathetic to the situation; they likely had an easing of their day.

The idea of helping others, in any shape or form is ingrained in our human nature. Some of us repress it as a horrible thing to have. Yet others embrace it and understand the power of helping others. Another person's misfortune is not our gain, but an opportunity to lift yourself while lifting another person. It makes you a better person, it reflects a better side of who you are and other people notice.

Would I be inclined to one day meet one of the irate people that flashed a demeaning gesture? Or would I rather meet the person that stopped to offer help to another person in need?

Think about how you would react in your busy day. Not only stuck in traffic, but in the grocery line, at the bank or even with your children brushing their teeth before bed. Patience, understanding and kindness will take us much further towards a successful life then the alternative.

Be the Difference

"Act as if what you do makes a difference. It does." -William James

My message to you today is what William James says so succinctly. You do make a difference. You can get up, go out into the world and change people's lives for the better. There is no one stopping you from doing this. It starts with you making the decision that all possibility exists. You then start movement in your world to do it.

Very few people have that one huge idea that comes to life and immediately impacts huge numbers of people. What happens is that it starts small, like a seed beginning to germinate. A rose bush can be grown from seed, but it takes time. It takes roughly two years for a rose seed to germinate into a seedling that can be replanted for growth. It takes time to nurture and grow what will be a great thing.

For you, it means starting with the simple gestures of kindness to those you come in contact with. It means being a better person to your family, your friends and to those you do not even know. This develops your character such that it becomes a natural thing that you do. It becomes a part of your everyday behavior.

Your idea starts small, you begin serving meals at the homeless shelter and over time it grows into a community outreach that impacts thousands of lives. Your small thought starts by teaching computer skills to single Moms or single Dads. Teaching them skills that will better their lives and give them the ability to succeed. This idea grows into an organization backed by large corporations wanting to help you change lives.

It starts by writing a blog that inspires people to do great things in life. As you notice, it all begins with one and multiplies to many. Your impact may seem small, but it becomes huge over time.

Be a person of impact, whether it be on one person or a million. You can make all the difference.

Walk a Mile

Walk A Mile Photograph -Nada Frazier

“Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way when you criticize them, you are a mile away from them and you have their shoes.” -Jack Handey

There I was, driving to the funeral home, thinking about the passing of a friend. Road construction was blocking my right lane, so dutifully set my left turn signal on and began to move into the left lane. Yes, I thought I looked well enough but apparently it startled the gentleman and his wife.

I stopped as did the traffic due to the red light in front of us. Me partially in his lane and he pulled up along my side wildly yelling something at me. So I rolled down my window, as did he, to offer him an apology. Thus began a 60-second lecture on my driving habits, nearly killing his wife, and never taking the time to hear my apology.

His window went back up, the light turned green and traffic began to move again. As Murphy's Law dictates, I followed him for the next mile or so. It did not give me much of a chance to calm my nerves. But after he pulled into a shopping center, I began to think of my friend recently deceased and let the incident roll off my back like water from a duck.

Later that evening during a memorial service I reflected upon the incident among other things. I learned that one thing my departed friend would say is, "don't react, just respond." It seemed appropriate because unknowingly that is what I had tried to do; respond to the situation while the 'offended driver' reacted to the situation.

It reminds me that if we simply stop to consider the journey someone else might be on before 'reacting' maybe we will respond differently to the situation. In my life I have failed to do just that and later realized there was something else, another story to be told.

This particular incident does not excuse me from my poor driving decision. We each get distracted by life, our job, our relationships, our finances, our health and our smart phones. There are reasons for our behaviors and until we consider there might be other reasons, we are reacting in the dark. When we acknowledge the possibility of someone else, we can respond in the light.

It doesn't take literally 'walking a mile in someones shoes' to fully understand the impact of simply responding as opposed to reacting. But you will begin to live a more relaxed and happier life when you take others into consideration.

As for the upset driver, apologies for my abrupt driving as I was distracted. I also apologize because you may have been stressed over going to the mall. A presumption on my part but hey, its possible.

Jim O'Connor

"Character is like the foundation of a house - it is below the surface." -Unknown

A man that I know, Jim O'Connor, died a few days ago. An unexpected passing and a sad one at that. Most deaths are sad, which goes unsaid. The emotional toll it takes on loved ones is measurable only to them. But we each know the price of sadness exacted when someone leaves our arms.

I would not be bold enough to call Jim O'Connor a close friend. There are many others that have this true designation. But Jim made me feel that I was a close friend every time we talked. He had that way of letting you know that 'you' mattered in his life.

Each time we stopped to chat, he always quipped about each of our visits to Ireland. We each have ancestry and ties of imagination back to the 'Land of Eire' and the lush green fields. Jim's eyes would light up about his trip and it seemed to push any cares of his day away.

The Jim O'Connor that I got to know was a foundation builder. A man that literally built the foundations of a new church back in 1996. A man that can be felt in the foundations of not only the physical house our church meets in, but also in the warm kindness he spread.

Many people, his family, his church, his business friends and his community feel that foundation shaking today. A man named Charles West said, “We turn to God for help when our foundations are shaking, only to learn that it is God who is shaking them.” But knowing those foundations, those memories, they will hold firm for Jim built them strong and to last forever.

To Jim's wife Kelly and his loving family, I offer an Irish prayer.

May God give you...
For every storm, a rainbow,
For every tear, a smile,
For every care, a promise,
And a blessing in each trial.
For every problem life sends,
A faithful friend to share,
For every sigh, a sweet song,
And an answer for each prayer.

And to my friend Jim O'Connor, "May you be flying over that which you love, taking in all that is good of your life. May the wind carry you to a loving God's arms and all your eternity be near the warm hearth of heaven."

Being Judged

“It is well, when judging a friend, to remember that he is judging you with the same godlike and superior impartiality.” -Arnold Bennett

We do it nearly everyday. We either say it out loud or mumble it under our breath. We judge people by the way they look, talk or act. This judgement of others extends to the way they perform, where they live and even the way they believe. Judgement of others is our belief that the other person doesn't live up to our expectations.

There is such a thing as discernment, which means perceiving the way things are, period, no more, no less. Judgment on the other hand is something we add to discernment by making a comparison between how things or people are and how we believe they should be. With judgment there is an element of dissatisfaction. We are dissatisfied with the way things are and have a desire for things to be the way we want them to be.

What judgement does is reflect upon you. It mirrors only what and who you are, both good and bad. Speaking of mirrors, maybe we should look in that reflective way to see how others are judging us. In neither instance does judgement lift both people. Judgement tends to bring both people down and that isn't what you want in life.

Our judgement of others is superficial and does nothing to learn the real story. It could be a medical condition causing weight gain, or maybe finances means it is the only suit and tie that other person has. Judging does nothing to ease their suffering and it certainly doesn't ease yours.

We each have a story that is deeper than the surface. Judgement blocks our ability to know what that story is. What you want, what you need, in life is to lift others and be lifted yourself.

Try to take the rest of your day and try not to judge other people. For just one day see what a difference it can make. Get beyond judging others and get to know them. You may find your life expanding in ways that judgement would have kept you from. Be a greater person, have a greater life.

Life Filled With Love

"Do all things with love." -Og Mandino

If you review many different sources and take an average amongst all of them, the life expectancy of a person living in the world today is 67.2 years. It works out to be 65.0 years for males and 69.5 years for females when you look at statistics for the years 2005–2010. And in all cases, with the exception of Zimbabwe, Lesotho, Swaziland and Afghanistan; women on average live longer than men in all countries. an interesting topic for another time I suppose.

Of course you will find people living longer in some countries and shorter in others depending upon the socio-economic and other conditions present. In example, Japanese have the highest life expectancy of 82.6 years of age, calculated during the years noted above. While estimates for 2011 show that 31.88 years of age is the average life one will likely live if born in Swaziland.

The United States comes in at 36th place with an average life span of 78.3 years of age. All very interesting and numbers that do exist on actuarial tables. We can boil down life to numbers on a chart for insurance purposes and population planning and for many other staid purposes.

What these charts and lists will not tell you is how well you feel about the life you live. They can not dictate the happiness you feel. They can not predict the amount of happiness you spread through out those years. Only you can determine the kind of happiness, cheerfulness and love that will fill those years. It is a choice you make.

Yes, the chore of living can be filled with stress, work and struggling to achieve. But it can also be filled with love and happiness. You get to create a little piece of heaven right here on earth.

The Road Not Taken

"We are never prepared for what we expect." ~James A. Michener

Robert Frost wrote a poem that is sometimes mistakenly called "The Road Less Traveled." It is a well-known poem and one that will make you give pause to think about decisions made in life.

The Road Not Taken

Two roads diverged in a yellow wood,
And sorry I could not travel both
And be one traveler, long I stood
And looked down one as far as I could
To where it bent in the undergroth;

Then took the other, as just as fair,
And having perhaps the better claim
Because it was grassy and wanted wear;
Though as for that the passing there
Had worn them really about the same,

And both that morning equally lay
In leaves no step had trodden black.
Oh, I kept the first for another day!
Yet knowing how way leads on to way,
I doubted if I should ever come back.

I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I—
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference


There are generally two interpretations of this poem. The popular one is where people take the last couple lines literally. They view them as being individualistic, not going with the crowd.

Myself, I prefer to take the poem as an ironic interpretation when reading those lines in the entire context of the poem. It seems to me that the poem is about making decisions in life, and rationalizing the decisions that we make, either with joy or pain.

We move through our lives planning and trying to figure out where our decisions will lead us. And even though we plan, we never seem to be fully prepared for where we end up. So whether we plan to take a road less traveled, the freeway or sit by the side of the road; are you ready to deal with the outcome of your decisions?

My advice is to continue with your plans, make your decisions and reach your destinations. But also be ready to accept the decisions you have made. It is equally important to achieving all that you want in life.

Getting Back Up

Jack and Jill by Jessie Willcox Smith

"Our greatest glory is not in never failing, but in rising up every time we fail." -Ralph Waldo Emerson

The American songwriter/singer, Ben Harper said, “If I fall, I fall. I'll rise up like anybody else.” Each of us is going to have those times when life has knocked us down to the ground. The hill we were climbing causes us to slip and tumble back to the bottom. Think of the old children’s nursery rhyme, “Jack and Jill went up the hill, to fetch a pail of water. Jack fell down and broke his crown, and Jill came tumbling after.”

The rhyme says that Jack got up and ran home. But my version says, “Jack got up, and dusted off, determined to go on. Back up the hill, along with Jill, to catch the rising sun.” A way of saying, “keep pursuing your dreams.” The only thing that can keep you from pushing forward is YOU. When YOU fall, it is YOU that determines if YOU will get back up.

Your Own Understanding of who YOU are will make the decision of getting back up either easy or hard. By having a positive attitude, it is more likely that you will bounce back up and try again. If you are a negative person, chances are you will stay stretched out on the ground.

All of this isn’t to say that there no difficult challenges to face. I have been through some of those challenges. The process of getting back up and battling through those challenges is not an easy task. But overcoming the challenges was an even greater reward.

Your life will be greater and you will get to see the sunrise in the morning, (aka, your dreams fulfilled). So get up and start heading back up that hill. There is water to fetch, seeds to plant and dreams to harvest.

Infinitely Heroic

Infinitely Heroic

"True heroism is remarkably sober, very undramatic. It is not the urge to surpass all others at whatever cost, but the urge to serve others at whatever cost." -Arthur Ashe

Would you lift a car to save another person? What if that car were on fire at the time? That is exactly what several people did in Salt Lake City recently when an unfortunate accident occurred. A car, a motorcycle, and the driver of the motorcycle injured and trapped beneath a burning car.

Bravery or heroism are words we apply to such people. As one of these fine people said, "That's a big title. I don't consider myself a hero. It's just our humanity ... Everyone is going to help." A very well-said comment in that as people, we simply help take care of each other. In these instances, you can not stand silent and not do something.

Each and every day we do things that are heroic in nature. The big ones are lifting a burning car off an injured man. Or racing up several flights of stairs in a burning building to save people. Maybe even putting your life on the line to protect a nation or a community.

There are also deeds done that make you a hero just in serving other people in small ways. We hold a door open for the person carrying groceries or giving a smile to the stressed out bank teller. A father playing with his kids, or a mother applying a bandaid to a skinned knee.

You have the opportunity each and every day to do something good for another. It is the big and little things we do, serving others, that creates a million heroes. You may not wear a skin-tight action hero outfit but what you do for others will make you look like you do.

And as the quote from one of the 'car lifters' said, "it's just our humanity." When we look out for each other, when we help each other, we in turn are looked after. Be a hero today, do something good and see your life, your best life, become even better.

Success From Failure

"Failure is an event, never a person." -William D. Brown

There are stories which run the full length of history about failure. Stories which tell us how failure is turned into success. Stories which remind us that failure is not a destination but a short term experience.

Everyone is familiar with 3M Post-It Notes. The basic story is of a man named Spencer Silver who worked in the 3M research laboratories. In the late 1960s, he was working on developing a strong adhesive to incorporate it to some of 3M’s current products. After some trial and error he developed an adhesive, but to his own disappointment, it was even weaker than what 3M already manufactured at the time. It stuck to things but could easily be lifted off.

He tried finding uses for it within 3M with little success. Then four years later, another 3M scientist named Arthur Fry was singing in his church’s choir. He used bookmarkers to keep his place in the hymnal but they kept falling out. Then he remembered Silver’s weak adhesive and he used it to coat his bookmarkers. Surprise! With the weak adhesive the bookmarkers stayed in place, yet lifted off without damaging the pages.

From failure, success is born.

• Henry Ford went broke five times before he finally succeeded.
• Walt Disney was fired by a newspaper editor and went bankrupt numerous times before he built Disneyland.
• Albert Einstein did not speak until he was four years old and didn’t read until he was seven. A teacher described him as “mentally slow."
• The movie Star Wars was rejected by several movie studios before 20th-Century Fox decided to produce what is one of the largest grossing movies in film history.
• After Fred Astaire's first screen test, a memo from the testing director at MGM in 1933 said, “Can’t act! Slightly bald! Can dance a little!” Fred Astaire kept that memo over the fireplace in his home.
• Babe Ruth, considered one of the greatest athlete of all time and famous for setting the home run record, also holds the record for strikeouts.
• Margaret Mitchell's classic Gone with the Wind was turned down by more than twenty-five publishers.
• In 1954, the manager of the Grand Ole Opry, fired Elvis Presley after one performance. He told Presley, “You ain’t goin’ nowhere… son. You ought to go back to drivin’ a truck.”
• Dr. Seuss ' first children's book, And to Think That I Saw it on Mulberry Street, was rejected by twenty-seven publishers. The twenty-eighth publisher, Vanguard press, sold six million copies of the book.

Failure occurs a million times a day. What matters is the million times people got back up and tried again.

You have the ability to move on and try again and again. Only you can keep you from doing so. You will learn from the failure and you will succeed. So get up from the failure, get past the failure, learn from the failure and achieve something greater.

Don't Worry

Guido Reni "Worry"

"Worry never robs tomorrow of its sorrow, it only saps today of its joy." -Leo Buscaglia

It is something we do quite often, which is to worry. The word itself means "mental distress or agitation resulting from concern usually for something impending or anticipated, such as anxiety." It comes from the Middle English worien, or to strangle or constrict. worry can actually choke the joy out of living. It can constrict your ability to move forward.

In an article by Sean Sabourin, he reveals that "the original Greek word for worry literally means to have a divided mind, or to divide into parts." And he notes that it means;

- Worry consumes
- Worry steals
- Worry captivates
- Worry controls
- Worry destroys
- Worry kills

Worry splits our life into many parts and each of those small pieces can tear at our life from many angles. They are destructive and only serve to hold you back from achieving your best life.

You have heard it said, "don't worry, be happy" many times before. I know that worry is a natural part of our human existence. But we can not let it consume and destroy our life. You have the power over worry. You have the ability to rationalize and turn worry into something positive.

When you take worry and put it in context of the bigger picture, everything will work out alright. Whatever happens will happen. You can prepare, you can accept, and you can move beyond the worries of tomorrow. Don't let it take the joy and happiness from your life today.

September 11, 2001

"Our dead are never dead to us, until we have forgotten them." -George Eliot

Early on the morning of September 11, 2001, 19 hijackers took control of four commercial airliners en route to San Francisco and Los Angeles after takeoff from Boston, Newark, and Washington, D.C. At 8:46 a.m., five hijackers crashed American Airlines Flight 11 into the World Trade Center's North Tower (1 WTC) and at 9:03 a.m. another five hijackers crashed United Airlines Flight 175 into the South Tower (2 WTC).

Five hijackers flew American Airlines Flight 77 into the Pentagon at 9:37 a.m. A fourth flight, under the control of four hijackers, crashed United Airlines Flight 93 near Shanksville, Pennsylvania at 10:03 a.m. after the passengers fought the hijackers. Flight 93's ultimate target is believed to have been either the Capitol or the White House.

My purpose is not to talk of the politics, religious meanings behind the attacks. My purpose is to simply remember the 2,977 people that died.

We each hold onto the memory of those that have gone before us. Marcus Cicero said, "The life of the dead is placed in the memory of the living." Each of us hold the lives of our family and friends in our memory. Those lives speak through our own mouths, through our own words, they live on.

As we take a moment to reflect on Sunday, September 11, 2011, take those moments to reflect on the people. Let their lives speak volumes with the the memories you share. Let them live on in the words we speak.

An Adventure

"It is like a voyage of discovery into unknown lands, seeking not for new territory but for new knowledge. It should appeal to those with a good sense of adventure." -Frederick Sanger

Today marks a new day of adventure for two of my boys. It actually marks a new adventure for all of us if I think about it. Early this morning the two left on a trip that will take them thousands of miles. A trip that will take them further down the road in their lives. It will change the landscape for many.

One son is a five year Army veteran transferring to a new unit out west. The other son is a graduate moving out west to work on his Master's degree. Both are moving on with their lives, changing the current in favor of reaching new potential.

I watched them pull away and the red glare of the tail lights hid them from my view. I knew they were there although I could not see them. My sadness in seeing them leave becomes overshadowed by my excitement for them.

When we embark on anything new, it is an adventure. It is a journey that we may have planned but will be filled with the unknown. The possibility of greatness lay in the unknown; it lay in the adventure of it all. It is life giving you the green light to move forward. Only you can keep you from change.

There will be ups and downs in any journey you take. The mountains may seem imposing and the skys too dark. Just remember that a lush, green valley lay beyond the mountain top and a bright blue sky shines behind those clouds.

The journey of life is an adventure and we need to enjoy every part of it. Have fun boys, have an adventure, and let life be full of possibility for you and for everyone.